I’m currently sat in business class on a flight heading to Athens where I’ll be attending WordCamp Europe in a couple of days. We’re directly above the Swiss Alps and while I eat my complimentary breakfast and sip my fancy coffee I’m struck by the raw beauty of the landscape below; seemingly perfect undisturbed snow coating jagged rock that reaches as high as the clouds.

I mention this ridiculous unfiltered privilege in stark contrast to an old blog entry of mine that I happened upon recently. A post from soon after Oliver was born back in 2012, when I was trying to launch a freelance business on fuck-all savings and the pittance that is maternity pay in the UK. A post in which I boasted about money-saving techniques like getting rid of the TV, watering down the milk and orange juice, and using fourth, fifth, sixth-owner nappies to make what little money I had go further.

I read back that post and found it deeply upsetting. I was so proud of myself for my scrappy ingenuity but never stopped to ask why it was necessary. Why was I having to make so many sacrifices to support my young family in the face of nothing but opposition from those closest to me? It’s not a huge stretch to read between the lines and see my internal screaming at the enforced frugality, that’s for sure.

Anyway, back to business class. I’m sat here, feeling like an imposter, wondering how the fuck I got here, what choices I made to bring me to this point. I wonder if 26 year old Jem ever thinks about flying, let alone flying like this. I wonder about the air stewardess and what she thinks of someone like ‘me’ up front – if my face tells the story of poverty and bootstraps and all that bullshit?

My gratitude for the support I’m surrounded with now is unquestionable. I wouldn’t be sat waffling on about privilege without my husband, my children, my friends and lovers, and the family I choose to keep close. Who else would support crazy business decisions and even crazier goals and the never-ending chase for something more, something new, something bigger?

So I look out of my window, heart full of this love, and I take in the snow-capped mountains below. Now all that’s left is to wonder is… will I ever feel like I’m supposed to be here, or will I always wonder if there’s been some kind of mistake?

I made a terrible, terrible mistake in June. I ignored my budget, forgot to check my online banking statements regularly, and made a big ‘luxury’ purchase (last minute half week “glamping” break) in the same month as a big necessary purchase (car tax). What with that, bills, childcare, mortgage, new shoes for Isabel etc my… read full entry »

After having a good moan about my financial / housing situation post-split from Karl, which ended on a jokey note about a project £15k, I thought well… actually, why don’t I start a new project? And why aim for £15,000 — that would mean I’d still need £5k from the bank — why not aim… read full entry »

I was thinking the other morning (in the shower, again) about how we save money in so many ways every day… stuff that Karl & I have been doing for that long that we don’t think about it; thus it never makes a budgeting blog entry. So, I’m challenging myself to put together a list… read full entry »

One of the things I see other people fall into the trap of too often with this budgeting lark (no, not me, far too smart.. cough cough) is buying into false economies. In other words, investing in something that appears to be a bargain but doesn’t really benefit or save money in the long run…. read full entry »

Last meal plan post of January, huzzah (and only slightly late). Not as tight on the veg this week because I wanted to use up leftovers and bought a cheap chicken to get February meals in for as little as possible (more on that at a later date). 27th: Chilli & rice 28th: Wraps with… read full entry »

This week I was reading through Jax’s post on her new blog – The challenge – and my mortgage statement which, quite by coincidence arrived on the same day. Through Jax I also found Mortgage Free in Three. To say I was inspired is an understatement. I’ve decided that we should be aiming to pay… read full entry »

Part of my ongoing mission to save money this year, these things have saved me money this month (unfortunately I could only come up with 3 things) 1. Moved hosting I moved away from Site5 in 2009 after they botched a routine server upgrade. Clook, my host of choice have been fantastic since then but… read full entry »

Part of my ongoing mission to save money this year, these things have saved me money this month… 1. Bought tinned beans Like most parents of small children, we buy baked beans. They’re good for emergency meals when Isabel is so wiped out from nursery or is feeling under the weather and we need to… read full entry »

Part of my ongoing mission to save money this year, these things have saved me money this month… 1. Cancelled our lovefilm membership I’ve fallen in and out of love with lovefilm over the years because of billing issues, scratched DVDs etc but having been fine with them for a while it’s come to the… read full entry »