Personal archive

Read about my battles with Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), my mental health, surviving both childhood sexual abuse and a 12 year relationship plagued with emotional abuse, as well personal projects / challenges, and anything vaguely Jem-related.

A look back at 2020

I know it’s customary to write up ‘year in review’ style posts at the end of the actual year in question, but I think I’m only just getting over 2020 enough to write about it. How do you put into perspective a year that has simultaneously seen the lows of a loss of a parent,… read more →

Tales from Lockdown: Part 3

After my last lockdown post the Easter holidays drew to a close and we settled back into the homeschool routine. However, the kids seemed to be finding it more difficult to concentrate, and I was more shouty as a consequence. It didn’t feel like we were getting much done, and although I don’t normally do… read more →

chocolate mini eggs on orange background

Tales from Lockdown: Part 2

As I head into week 5 of my personal covid-19 lockdown experience, I am increasingly finding the days are blurring together. My mental health is up and down, although my hormones are partly to blame this week. Since my last post on lockdown, the kids have moved into official Easter Holidays territory. Normally this would… read more →

Tales from Lockdown

Due to the ongoing coronavirus / COVID19 crisis, we’ve now been isolating (“social distancing” on crack) for two weeks. Slightly longer than Joe Public because my ex is high risk and we wanted to reduce the risk of the kids passing anything on. After the initial week where negative thoughts and an absence of a)… read more →

2018: The Year It All Clicked

I don’t think it’s possible to have a perfect year. 12 months / 52 weeks / 365 days: all too big a time-span to guarantee 100% wellness and positivity every hour of every day. Nonetheless? 2018 has been “my” year. I’ve not avoided conflict and drama. People close to me have still suffered pain, been… read more →

I chose to drink. It was rubbish.

(I originally posted this on reddit, but want it recording here as part of my journey.) I had a drink on Saturday night. I made the active choice to have a drink, rather than caving to cravings or anything like that; it was one of my best friend’s pre-wedding celebrations and as I can’t/won’t drink… read more →

My PMDD is Under Control

For the uninitiated and new readers amongst you, PMDD is an extreme version of PMS/PMT. It can cause cyclical feelings of anxiety, depression, anger and even suicidal thoughts, as well as the physical symptoms typically associated with the menstrual cycle. It’s been over a year since I last talked about my PMDD. When I lost… read more →

Reflecting on a Rollercoaster Year

I can’t really think of any other way of describing 2017? Starting the year with a massive unexpected tax bill (sound familiar?) was an uphill battle – a chain lift, dragging the rollercoaster car to the top of steep hill – following by rocketing at speed towards lows like the loss of yet more pets… read more →

Just be chill about it

Gaz asked me one Saturday a few weeks back — as I ordered a vodka cocktail — whether or not I’d given up on the ‘not drinking’ thing. A fair question, given the ‘ordering a cocktail’ thing. Sobriety was going really, really well. I had managed to get through several months without a drink, battling… read more →