I’ve started writing a post to sum up hitting 40 and a recap on my progress on all the things I wanted to achieve before I hit 40 about 6 times since the start of January and each time I get about one paragraph in and the inspiration just fizzles out.
I think it’s partly because I didn’t get anywhere near as far through my forty before 40 list as I thought I would and partly because the whole thing just seems a bit anticlimactic; not quite the pivotal life changing moment ’40’ is marketed as. So far all 40 has given me is three grey pubes and an ankle sprain… although the greys could have been there a while for all I know (I’ve not spent much time down there lately).
39 had all the makings of a great year to start with. I’d not long taken on a new developer which was going to free me up day to day to build the business, I’d got events and races and festivals and a marathon and all sorts of fun stuff in the calendar (lots of stuff to help complete the 40 list), the company had won a bunch of new clients and contracts: it was going to be epic personally and professionally!
And then I got threatened by a client, which knocked my confidence for six.
And then my new hire turned out to be a disastrous match for the company.
And then in the chaos of managing them moving on unexpectedly we lost work, and clients, and a fuck ton of money.
And then my daughter decided she didn’t want to see her dad any more so suddenly I was parenting 24/7 instead of having a break a couple of nights a week.
If you’re a parent who doesn’t share custody you’re probably rolling your eyes at the last one, but as a routine-driven autistic mum parenting a routine driven almost-certainly-autistic-still-waiting-for-diagnosis teenager, it was a bit of a shitshow for both of us. I support my daughter’s choice 100% and deep down am grateful that after years and years of pushback and shit and guilt trips for leaving her dad she chose me (so I can’t be as bad a mum as she makes out sometimes) but holy hell there was a long adjustment.
And of course parenting an almost-certainly-autistic teenager 24/7 meant that all those events and races and festivals? Yeah, not gonna happen. The items on my list slowly fell by the wayside. The gym attendance dropped off. The goals took a back seat.
So having expected 39 to be a whirlwind of adventures culminating in a holy orgasmic life changing BANG of a birthday, instead I got a year of work fuck ups, an intense increase in parenting responsibility, an injury that kept me out of running (not the ankle sprain, that’s new) and a resurgence in my drinking to cope with it all (healthy 🫣).
The birthday was alright though; banging party.
Well, not mine, per se. Anyone’s would do. I’ve been ill, on and off, since about August. A cold that started to mend then covid hit that started to mend then a sinus infection that started to mend and then a cold again… you get the gist. At my weakest, most pathetic moment – when… read full entry »
I was umming and ahhing about writing a 2024 review lookback style post. I didn’t want it to end up a rehash of all the shitty bits, which these things inevitably end up being, but at the same time there’s no denying that some of the things that happened in 2024 had Consequences. Fundamentally, the… read full entry »
I have to confess that I’ve never been much interested in watching sports. Odd perhaps, for someone who participates and competes in three separate disciplines, but – aside from catching the odd snippet of a big Euros game or highlights of the Olympics shared on social media – watching other people ‘play’ has just never… read full entry »
Last week I successfully climbed Scafell Pike, England’s highest peak, as part of item 3 on my 40 things before I’m forty challenge. I’ve been fascinated with the idea of climbing mountains since I saw a talk by Ed Viesturs (first American to climb all 14 of the “eight-thousander” mountains, and the 5th person to… read full entry »
I travelled to Turin, Italy for WordCamp Europe 2024 with Gaz last month. This was the first time we’d spent any meaningful amount of time together since our separation – not counting hourly taekwon-do lessons – and so I thought was going to be interesting. Turns out it was fairly uneventful, insomuch that it was… read full entry »
It is now approximately 2.5 months since Gaz and I mutually agreed our relationship was no longer viable as it was, and just over a month since he moved out. I found the first few days after he left sweet AF. Could have crowned me the Queen of Smugdom as I woke up easy breezy,… read full entry »
In my previous post, in which I announced the separation from my husband and likely impending doom of trying to buy him out of the mortgage, I joked that I might have to do Project £20k again. I probably shouldn’t have tempted fate, because as it turns out that this is the number that Gaz… read full entry »
Long term readers (are there any other type now? pretty sure I don’t get any new ones these days 😂) may recall that in 2014 after splitting from my ex – the children’s father – I launched “project £20k” to raise funds to buy my ex out of our joint mortgage. Well, as it turns… read full entry »
It’s 14:17 GMT. I’m sat in the front row of an aeroplane, once again en route to Athens in business class. Albeit a cheeky last minute upgrade bid this time rather than a full priced ticket. I’m traveling alone, off to support my partner as he runs his first marathon in the Greek capital. He… read full entry »
