Personal archive

Read about my battles with Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), my mental health, surviving both childhood sexual abuse and a 12 year relationship plagued with emotional abuse, as well personal projects / challenges, and anything vaguely Jem-related.

Hard reset, 2024 Christmas edition

I was umming and ahhing about writing a 2024 review lookback style post. I didn’t want it to end up a rehash of all the shitty bits, which these things inevitably end up being, but at the same time there’s no denying that some of the things that happened in 2024 had Consequences. Fundamentally, the year itself wasn’t the worst I’ve had, despite my separation from Gaz and some professional odds and ends going awry (that’s the nice way of putting it!)

What was hard was having to navigate single parenthood again (however briefly) and the direct impact upon my time and therefore things that I considered part of my “identity”. For example, it’s hard to call yourself a powerlifter if you can’t powerlift, because suddenly those 2hrs in the gym 3-4 times a week are needed to keep on top of household chores, prep meals for kids, wash school uniforms etc (not to mention the financial burden of paying for powerlifting coaching on a single income!) Stopping lifting impacted me mentally, but also physically: weight gain, body shape changes etc.

I was also deeply aware that to remortgage my house on a single income, I needed to vastly increase profit within my business. Some of this was easy; not spending the year part-time consulting for another agency helped me bring my turnover back up and massively reduced our outside consultancy fees. Still, time in my business crept up, compounding the lack of time to lift and the impact upon my mental health.

Although my foray back into single parenthood was brief (as alluded to) and my partner moved in over the summer which eased some of the financial burden, it was hard to readjust my work schedule backwards to make space again for lifting. Shane works long hours so there wasn’t a huge reduction on the demands on my time from the move, but even when I did find time there was always something else to do.

However, by December I was rapidly heading for burnout and was desperate for a break, and with Christmas out of the way I had the opportunity to reset: to change my schedule and get into new (old) habits to help shape the coming weeks, months and beyond. I’ve realised that if I don’t have time for a 2hr gym session a day, I can do 2 x 1 hour gym sessions (or less time, obviously, but the point is to break it up). I’ve re-engaged my powerlifting coach who has provided me with a colour-coded lifting plan so I know what to prioritise within each ‘chunk’ of time, and for now we’re actually focusing on just getting it done: not worrying too much about form checks and RPE and all that jazz. I’m back on the macro tracking bandwagon to re-lose some of the excess weight I’ve picked up being sat at a desk 12 hours a day (while still eating as if I was lifting) and I’ve knocked alcohol consumption on the head for the time being, albeit with a couple of planned ‘nights off’ over the coming months.

I haven’t set any specific new years resolutions – I think I have enough to do given that there’s only a year (and a day) to go to complete my 40 before forty now – but it’s overwhelmingly clear that I need to make this adjusted plan stick for my health and wellbeing. So let’s see how that goes…

My first football match

I have to confess that I’ve never been much interested in watching sports. Odd perhaps, for someone who participates and competes in three separate disciplines, but – aside from catching the odd snippet of a big Euros game or highlights of the Olympics shared on social media – watching other people ‘play’ has just never… read full entry »


Peak 1 of 3 complete: Scafell Pike

Last week I successfully climbed Scafell Pike, England’s highest peak, as part of item 3 on my 40 things before I’m forty challenge. I’ve been fascinated with the idea of climbing mountains since I saw a talk by Ed Viesturs (first American to climb all 14 of the “eight-thousander” mountains, and the 5th person to… read full entry »

WordCamp, Italy, and inspiration

I travelled to Turin, Italy for WordCamp Europe 2024 with Gaz last month. This was the first time we’d spent any meaningful amount of time together since our separation – not counting hourly taekwon-do lessons – and so I thought was going to be interesting. Turns out it was fairly uneventful, insomuch that it was… read full entry »

Finding my feet

It is now approximately 2.5 months since Gaz and I mutually agreed our relationship was no longer viable as it was, and just over a month since he moved out. I found the first few days after he left sweet AF. Could have crowned me the Queen of Smugdom as I woke up easy breezy,… read full entry »


Deja vu part two

In my previous post, in which I announced the separation from my husband and likely impending doom of trying to buy him out of the mortgage, I joked that I might have to do Project £20k again. I probably shouldn’t have tempted fate, because as it turns out that this is the number that Gaz… read full entry »


Deja vu, here we go again, etc

Long term readers (are there any other type now? pretty sure I don’t get any new ones these days 😂) may recall that in 2014 after splitting from my ex – the children’s father – I launched “project £20k” to raise funds to buy my ex out of our joint mortgage. Well, as it turns… read full entry »

Aeroplanes, autism, and Fern Brady

It’s 14:17 GMT. I’m sat in the front row of an aeroplane, once again en route to Athens in business class. Albeit a cheeky last minute upgrade bid this time rather than a full priced ticket. I’m traveling alone, off to support my partner as he runs his first marathon in the Greek capital. He… read full entry »


A dirty secret

About this time last year I blogged about the chaos that was life at the time (nothing has changed, for the record) and one of the things I mentioned in passing was that I had nearly broke my marriage after fundamentally changing the very foundations of our commitment For the astute amongst you, you may… read full entry »

Keeping it in the family

My brother should have been 42 today, and I’m finding his birthday and the upcoming anniversary of his death to be particularly hard this year. Since my autism diagnosis, and the advice to seek an ADHD assessment, I’ve been somewhat obsessively looking at family on both sides to see where “it” came from. I have… read full entry »