Cold Turkey

I had a massive panic attack on Saturday night.

Partly fueled by a few too many vodkas, and partly by confronting a ‘demon’ that I’ve never been able to tackle before, culminating in an explosion of anger and frustration and ending up with me unable to breathe and choking on tears.

It’s not the first time it’s happened and they seem to be increasing in frequency since I started taking my meds. What with that, an increase in suicidal thoughts (don’t worry, I wouldn’t) and a few other things, I feel like I’ve swapped one set of symptoms for another. Not only that, but I can feel some of the old problems creeping back in and the thought of having to up my dosage or change meds fills me with dread. I don’t want to spend my life jumping from one pill to another.

So, the panic attack gave me the perspective I needed to make some decisions, and while I feel I’m currently bouncing from one epiphany to another any focus in the short term is a good thing. Ultimately I’ve decided to stop drinking (again) and to stop taking the fluoxetine. Cold turkey.

I’d rather deal with the ups and downs of the PMDD right now than the uncertainty and negativity. I will increase my running again as that helps my mental health, and basically hold on tight for the foreseeable future.

I reserve the right to change my mind when I turn into Ragezilla though.

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2 comments so far

  1. catherine said:
    On August 20, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    that sounds awful. it could be the meds and alcohol mixing though. obviously it’s your choice but I’d recommend coming off the meds slowly with doctors guidance, especially if it’s a high dosage. the side affects can be so bad. please be careful :)

    Reply
    • Jem said:
      On August 22, 2016 at 6:04 pm

      It’s very low dosage and I’m not toooo worried about short term withdrawal symptoms. It also helps that fluoxetine has a long half-life, which should allow it gradually come out of my system anyway.

      Reply

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