Five One Four Nine

In news that surprises absolutely nobody, I’ve gone another year where I’ve barely blogged.

I realised earlier this year that it’s not for lack of things to talk about – christ, this year has had some moments – but rather this feeling that every post must be polished, have an accompanying featured image, have the right balance of insight and wit, etc.

Absolute nonsense rules that I made for myself that make no sense as a blogger who doesn’t have ads, sponsors, etc.

It’s not the first time I’ve had this realisation & tbh I’m sure I’ve talked about it before, but it was looking back through some super old posts the other day that made me realise how much that unnecessary rule setting changed me as a blogger. Not that I’m saying my old material was stellar – it definitely wasn’t – but it recorded memories and moments and things that I refer back to in a way that I genuinely miss. I feel like some of my longest, most polished posts say absolutely nothing despite being 1000 words long.

This year has given me moments that I should have poured my heart out over, events that writing about would have been ‘therapy’, but instead I went “head down, plod on”. Didn’t want to bore people, didn’t want to invade others’ privacy, didn’t want to ruffle feathers. When did I become that person?

There’s not really a point to this post. I will likely hit publish and then not write again for 6 months. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a smidgen of a chance that one pointless ramble of a brain dump will inspire another and I’ll go back to blogging – to actually journaling – in a way that works for me.

We’ll see.