I learnt a long time ago that if you have an opinion, any opinion, there’s always going to be someone who disagrees. If you have a strong opinion, there will be even more people who disagree. The louder you voice it, the more people will find reason to criticise it. Of course, this is not always such a bad thing, because without those opposing voices I think we’d become self-obsessed, finding it hard to develop ourselves and our beliefs. Nonetheless, there are times when handling the critics can be difficult work. If you’ve ever struggled to move past someone’s opinion, here’s a few ways I use (mostly apply to web-based critique).
Don’t Take it Personally
Unless someone is attacking you as a person, don’t take criticism personally. When someone says “oh jeez, your website is far too narrow” that doesn’t mean “wow, you’re really bloody ugly”, it simple means your website is too narrow. Obvious, no? Distinguish the facts and work with that.
Take Context Into Consideration
Not all critics are interested in providing feedback that they’ve thought through. Take for instance the average response to a Pants Award: “you’re just jealous, your website sucks”; this is a typical knee-jerk reaction and doesn’t contain any information that you can apply to improvement. On the other hand, telling someone who’s never heard of you before to “piss off” because they’ve provided you with detailed paragraphs explaining their dislikes and difficulties is probably not the best way to approach criticism.
Understand Their Motive
Imagine someone sends you a list of faults and then tells you to use their product or commercial solutions to fix it all. Is that structured criticism or an advert? If the critic is gaining from any potential improvements, bear that in mind. Look elsewhere for impartial advise from those not trying to drum up business.
Grow a Thick Skin
Last but not least, grow a thick skin and get over it. Nobody is going to like you or your website/artwork/writing/whatever 100% of the time. You’re never going to have every single person alive supporting everything you do. Destroying yourself over critique, irrelevant of how correct and true it may be, is not going to bring you any happiness. Be all you can be and disregard people who expect anything more.
Of course, it goes without saying that I am the l33test ninja of all and therefore all of my advice and criticism is gospel. Ignore it at your peril. :lol:
09 Jun at 4:37 pm
That’s my girl ;)
09 Jun at 4:48 pm
If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly is your motive for the Pants award?
09 Jun at 4:53 pm
Unfortunately the people who are going to read this and learn from it probably aren’t the people who need the advice in the first place. But who knows, maybe you’ll get to at least one person!
However, I think there’s plenty of articles out there about how to take criticism properly. How about an article about how to be a responsible, non-douchebag critic? Definitely not saying you are, but I’ve seen people who criticise people “for the lulz” in a manner that isn’t very consistent at all. That’s just as bad if not worse in my books.
09 Jun at 6:59 pm
Is this the point where we bow and kiss your robes, l33test ninja? ;)
Good article. I have a feeling you’ll be linking to it in many drama-filled blogs to come.
09 Jun at 7:06 pm
Nice post, but I also agree with Belinda. There are tons of articles and what not on how to take criticism – there aren’t as many on how to give criticism. It’d be interesting to see something that held critics up to some standards.
09 Jun at 7:08 pm
If only this helped… I am still shocked that someone claimed to lose sleep over the fact that I asked a hypothetical question (“would you close your site if I blogged about your site in a negative way?”)
Why do people CARE so much that a random stranger on the Interwebz thinks they suck?
09 Jun at 7:30 pm
I don’t mind at all… multiple “motives”:
1) Highlighting particular poor design / website management / coding / etc – insert or delete as applicable
2) Emphasising the fact that just because you have groupies doesn’t make you immune to criticism
3) Entertainment value – the drama caused by each ‘side’ is hilarious, especially when the recipient *doesn’t* get involved. Then it’s all a bunch of he-said/she-said crap. Immature, but an excellent way to pass the time.
If you think this has little chance of striking the hearts of those who need it most (or whatever :P ) do you really think those you’re talking about are going to pay attention to me?
09 Jun at 7:43 pm
I will always love your critiques Jem! In fact, Im hoping one day to get me a pants award! Which will help me improve. Sadly my webby is not even visited so I don’t deserve it.. but one day.. I will hope! Hahaha :D
09 Jun at 7:51 pm
This kind of reminds me… http://xkcd.com/386/ :P
09 Jun at 7:52 pm
That’s my favourite xkcd ;)
09 Jun at 9:39 pm
I hate it when people say “You’re just jealous”. When I criticise something, I’m not jealous. I just think whatever that person said was stupid. xD
09 Jun at 11:33 pm
“Of course, it goes without saying that I am the l33test ninja of all and therefore all of my advice and criticism is gospel. Ignore it at your peril.”
How many people will take this too seriously…?
People take everything so so seriously!
10 Jun at 3:18 am
Glory be to the l33test ninja of all and her magnificent pants award!
10 Jun at 3:29 am
Yes’m. *salutes*
My other issue is people who proclaim to the world that they want ‘constrictive criticism’ and then snap angrily when it’s not all glowing compliments….any tips, O Ninja?
10 Jun at 3:30 am
Apologies—’constructive criticism’. Mea culpa. Is this a candidate for a Freudian slip, perhaps? =P
10 Jun at 5:11 am
Pretty interesting article. 2 years ago I’d get pissed off when someone said my site suck. But now it doesn’t bother me that much. I guess I got more thickskinned over the years.
10 Jun at 7:12 am
Some very fine words….
I changed my opinion on wedeveloping so many times now, going from celeb images, to non-celeb, to very plain and simple and it’s mainly to try to have a bigger audience and have more support. But I’ve noticed that I’m not really enjoying my new layouts and I can’t satisfy everybody. Whether its a celeb layout or it’s a place full of articles, I’m gonna do what I like :D I know there’s al lot of issues with the whole celeb thing but I believe it them kinda layouts are under the ‘Fair Use’ policy.
Well I’m off to college byeeee :)
10 Jun at 8:00 am
Egotist – Just because you and your friends think you’re right, doesn’t mean the greater world will agree.
And one fact I want to keep stressing over and over: If you like a photographer/artist/design so much, be nice to them and tell them!
10 Jun at 8:04 am
Wow Mar, you’re bloody psychic… :o
10 Jun at 8:42 am
Amen to that! :P
10 Jun at 9:14 am
roflmao, Jem, you crack me up XD
10 Jun at 12:24 pm
Pffft, I shall ignore your “advice” because you’re obvious not 1337 when I’m 1337 and you’re not a ninja and I’m a ninja, and yadda yadda *insert butthurt here*
10 Jun at 12:48 pm
You’re just jealous Amanda.
10 Jun at 1:26 pm
AMEN. And also, this post should be the bible for future e-dramas! Hahahaha. If I got the pants award (goodness forbid though :P), I think I’d be pleased in a small way. At least I’m getting recognition. Hahaha.
10 Jun at 2:03 pm
The people who get offended by critiques are people who are too immature and insecure to be “flaunting” their shit on the internet. If someone is willing to give you helpful advice (even if it’s humorously written), you should be thankful and consider some of the things said.
10 Jun at 6:49 pm
That last part made me laugh. Very good advice there, Jem. Although to be fair, I think my words are by far more gosepel than yours. It’s a known fact m’love. =)
10 Jun at 11:19 pm
When people get criticized in your reviews, Jem, instead of getting angry about “how mean you are”, they should be praising you for the hits you send their way!
11 Jun at 12:25 pm
Honestly, there is nothing better than some criticism every now and then. Sometimes we need to hear or know certain things that we can’t see ourselves. I suppose one could say that constructive criticism is a need-to-have in this world, especially the internet world.
11 Jun at 5:42 pm
I appreciate comments left about my writing on my site – there’s nothing better than constructive criticism. That’s why whenever I edit someone else’s work, I try to be as constructive as I can. One time, someone asked me to edit their work (a kind-of friend of mine), so I did, only to receive an e-mail two days later saying how “mean” I was and how I needed to “stop trying to take over”. If you can’t handle it, don’t ask for it!
11 Jun at 8:55 pm
Def some great tips there! I know lots of people get really upset when criticized online… So glad you posted this as we all need to be reminded. :)
12 Jun at 12:54 am
Here here. Man I love people who think that way. Makes life so much easier.
12 Jun at 2:44 pm
jem i asked on the ask thing but i don’t know if you got it but how can i report to you some one that stole tuts from you?
13 Jun at 6:11 am
Wow, all my recent feelings about the Internats summed up in one concise post…that made me giggle like a moron for no apparent reason. I’ll blame it on 2 am.
Back in my day, before we knew of fire or electricity, in a simpler time when Barbies were high tech until their heads popped off, this was called “Lighten up!”
13 Jun at 4:00 pm
You forgot another reason for awarding Pants! Most of the time the sites are redistributing bad scripts and it’s your l33t ninja duty to kick those out of the water!
I think this post would do well as your disclaimer for Pants Awards.
13 Jun at 6:55 pm
Well said, well said.
15 Jun at 2:11 am
“Understand Their Motive” — because you don’t give pants awards for hits.. nope, not at all ;)
15 Jun at 11:42 am
@’As For One Day’: You obviously missed the post where I pointed out that Pants Awards actually get me less hits than normal day to day posting…
Reason being is that all of my regular readers re-visit on a pretty much daily basis. However, a large chunk of my readers don’t like the pants awards – therefore they avoid my site on days when they’re posted. As no new readers appear just for my pants awards, there is a slum in hits.
I posted my motive for Pants in response to one of the first comments on the post – perhaps you should read it.
22 Jul at 8:01 pm
I thin its rude to give someone a pants award, no wonder they get mad.
25 Jul at 11:35 am
[…] has done a write-up in the same vein as my Handling the Critics post called Handling the Pants Awards. It’s cute, and I literally laughed out loud, but it […]
05 Aug at 3:49 pm
You should’ve written this a long time ago. When I made known to the public that I dislike a certain someone most of my countrymen look up to. Hell, I don’t even know if what they said can be called “critiques,” but you get the picture.
I’d like to think I handled them well that time, but really, being threatened with your life isn’t exactly fun.
14 Dec at 9:41 am
Thanks for this article :) I just found it ^^
15 Dec at 5:08 am
[…] the titles that I think I can learn something. Here are some of them – What is too personal?, Handling the critics browse around her categrories and you will find that there are a lot of posts worth reading. I have […]