Personal archive

Read about my battles with Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), my mental health, surviving both childhood sexual abuse and a 12 year relationship plagued with emotional abuse, as well personal projects / challenges, and anything vaguely Jem-related.

I want my mommy

Well, not mine, per se. Anyone’s would do.

I’ve been ill, on and off, since about August. A cold that started to mend then covid hit that started to mend then a sinus infection that started to mend and then a cold again… you get the gist.

At my weakest, most pathetic moment – when I was sat at my desk under a mountain of snotty tissue and disgarded half-drunk mugs of lemon and honey – I sat there and thought to myself how deeply I craved someone’s mum to come and tuck me into bed with a big bowl of chicken noodle soup with a promise to take care of things for me.

I’m less than a month off 40, moved out at ~17 and having been looking after myself since long before then so it’s not like I’m conditioned to being looked after; it’s weird to me that that’s what my brain thought of at that particular moment.

Maybe I just really wanted some chicken noodle soup and my mother has nothing to do with it.


My first football match

I have to confess that I’ve never been much interested in watching sports. Odd perhaps, for someone who participates and competes in three separate disciplines, but – aside from catching the odd snippet of a big Euros game or highlights of the Olympics shared on social media – watching other people ‘play’ has just never… read full entry »


Peak 1 of 3 complete: Scafell Pike

Last week I successfully climbed Scafell Pike, England’s highest peak, as part of item 3 on my 40 things before I’m forty challenge. I’ve been fascinated with the idea of climbing mountains since I saw a talk by Ed Viesturs (first American to climb all 14 of the “eight-thousander” mountains, and the 5th person to… read full entry »

WordCamp, Italy, and inspiration

I travelled to Turin, Italy for WordCamp Europe 2024 with Gaz last month. This was the first time we’d spent any meaningful amount of time together since our separation – not counting hourly taekwon-do lessons – and so I thought was going to be interesting. Turns out it was fairly uneventful, insomuch that it was… read full entry »

Finding my feet

It is now approximately 2.5 months since Gaz and I mutually agreed our relationship was no longer viable as it was, and just over a month since he moved out. I found the first few days after he left sweet AF. Could have crowned me the Queen of Smugdom as I woke up easy breezy,… read full entry »


Deja vu part two

In my previous post, in which I announced the separation from my husband and likely impending doom of trying to buy him out of the mortgage, I joked that I might have to do Project £20k again. I probably shouldn’t have tempted fate, because as it turns out that this is the number that Gaz… read full entry »


Deja vu, here we go again, etc

Long term readers (are there any other type now? pretty sure I don’t get any new ones these days 😂) may recall that in 2014 after splitting from my ex – the children’s father – I launched “project £20k” to raise funds to buy my ex out of our joint mortgage. Well, as it turns… read full entry »

Aeroplanes, autism, and Fern Brady

It’s 14:17 GMT. I’m sat in the front row of an aeroplane, once again en route to Athens in business class. Albeit a cheeky last minute upgrade bid this time rather than a full priced ticket. I’m traveling alone, off to support my partner as he runs his first marathon in the Greek capital. He… read full entry »


A dirty secret

About this time last year I blogged about the chaos that was life at the time (nothing has changed, for the record) and one of the things I mentioned in passing was that I had nearly broke my marriage after fundamentally changing the very foundations of our commitment For the astute amongst you, you may… read full entry »