It is now approximately 2.5 months since Gaz and I mutually agreed our relationship was no longer viable as it was, and just over a month since he moved out.

I found the first few days after he left sweet AF. Could have crowned me the Queen of Smugdom as I woke up easy breezy, did the chores, walked the dog, sorted the kids, fed the horde, knocked out a full day’s work, walked the dog again, fed the horde again, walked the dog again (it’d be a lot easier if my dog wasn’t scared of peeing in the back garden), did some more chores, and fell into bed having completed All The Things. I bought brown bread and orange juice with bits and was living the high life. Yes, brown bread and OJ with bits is the pinnacle of living in my little world.

And then kids wanted friends over, or had additional commitments which occupied brain space I didn’t have, long training runs pre-Manchester marathon sucked up energy I couldn’t spare, money worries filled my waking thoughts (and some of my sleeping ones), the dog developed a random limp (he’s fine), things went wrong at work, I got a cold, and my little perfect world crumbled. I did some tears, snot and all, and realised that I was very much focused so intently on keeping Everything In Order at home and at work, that I was abandoning myself and my needs… and this never ends well. For anyone, tbh.

I’d like to say this is the part where I flipped a magic switch and suddenly was able to balance everything super perfectly and I’m all smug and happy again but life doesn’t quite work like that. I did decide to prioritise getting back into a gym routine because that is crucial to my mental health, and as of today I’m on my third consecutive scheduled workout. I decided to stop being quite so frugal and we had fish and chips on a night I was exhausted last week. I decided that some nights I just can’t be arsed to do the dishwasher before bed and that’s ok. I took a random day off work and the odd hour here or there and nobody died (although some clients like to make you think they might).

I need to work on balance, and that’s quite hard as an “all or nothing” person, but… I’m finding my feet.