I have felt pretty good for the past week or so. I ended my 12 year relationship – it was the right thing to do. I started to take control of my finances and things – an annoying necessity. I started to plan how I would move forward – so everything is set in concrete detail in my head. I have been reaching out to old friends and making new ones – I need some people in my life.
And now all of a sudden I’ve hit a wall. A really tall brick wall which I have no choice but to climb over, because it doesn’t matter how far I walk alongside this wall, it does not end. And it’s hard to feel pretty good when you have a wall to climb.
I can feel my grip slipping. I can feel the control I’ve established this week or so weakening. I have no idea what I’m doing, and the uncertainty is killing me.
15 May at 12:29 pm
The good news is: none of us know what we’re doing! Sometimes we think we do, but mainly, NOPE.
15 May at 1:37 pm
I think Aisling hits the nail on it’s head there… I have spent many years bumbling along thinking I know stuff but it turns out out I i didn’t. All i can suggest is hang in there and do whatever you feel is right and play it by ear. You have us to catch you if you fall.
15 May at 4:23 pm
No one knows what they’re doing. If you don’t already: put it in a spreadsheet (I love my Google drive) and set calendar reminders for things you have to do. Make bills that are pretty consistent auto-pay at the beginning of the month if possible, so you quickly know how much you have for the rest of the month. Seriously, using these tools can help with feeling overwhelmed. In life there is no rest.
15 May at 4:47 pm
*Hugs* Jem :-)
Irrespective of how good you feel about the break up – it’s still a ‘loss’ and working through the loss is going to have different stages.
You’ve got to the end of the initial elation/relief phase and now things are seeming a touch insurmountable.
Take each day as it comes whilst you adjust to a new life. Look after your mental wellbeing along the way and rest will come :-)
Sorry I didn’t stop to chat yesterday – I’ll have to try better on Friday :-)
15 May at 7:07 pm
Yes, I know that one all too well. It isn’t a wall, it’s a bastard of a thing. For me it’s the future, and all that goes with, and how the hell we do it right through until the kids are grown up and can make their own choices.
I want us to stop disagreeing and arguing, and as you would put it..”crack on”. The kids are all that’s important now. Nothing else matters any more – if you feel you’re slipping, look at our babies and remember that if you slip or fall, no matter how bad it is, we’ll always have them to make us smile and remind us that life is something we just have to deal with, hour by hour, day by day, for the rest of our natural – for them.
That’s what’s driving me now. Us, no. The house? No. Gain? NO. Only and always the kids, and their security, safety and future stability. And by all the gods, that’s a hell of a strong drive.
Even my car is giving up..heh..the power steering failed on the day I left, in Ironbridge. I can’t exactly afford to replace it right now. Fuck it all, I’M not giving up – it and I, and you…we can’t stop. We have a duty of care, simple as that. We just need to “crack on”.
15 May at 7:34 pm
I agree with Louise. The initial wave of feelings and excitement at moving on to new things has started to wear off, and you’re beginning to realise there is still work to do. It’s a struggle, but I’ve followed you long enough to know you’re strong-willed (or at least I perceive you that way), so I can see you getting through this with only a few cuts and bruises. Everyone falls off of the wall at least once. Just make it look good. Or land on your bum so we can giggle.
From experience, I can tell you planning never goes well. I don’t think you’re ready to make concrete plans yet. Start small. Make a list. Everything you need to pay. Everything you need to put pants on for. It will help un-fog your head a little. I make heavy use of Google Calendar. Everything is on there. Eat; Shower; Free time to read or go to the Cinema; Feed my Cat; Go to work; Pay this; Pay that; WAGES! :D; bed (I never follow this one!). All of it. Even when I have a poor day, I can check it and see clearly where I need to focus.
And there are plenty of free time slots on there too if you need a natter (says a lot for my social life). :)
16 May at 1:16 am
I’m sending you well wishes. I have no idea what the situation is, but Karl’s encouraging comments are always odd to see on these posts. Hope it’s not turning the screw qbee.
16 May at 5:28 am
Yes, they’re irritating the hell out of me. I’ve asked him to stop.
x
17 May at 9:54 pm
Omg. I was totally thinking the same thing. Here you are, minding your own business, finding your own space on the internet to talk about things and he’s… leaving comments… I mean… for me as a spectator, that was odd. I thought that it would have been better for him to just talk to you about what he wanted to say instead of “airing” out some of your relationship on YOUR space? Anyway, I hope he stops!
16 May at 6:05 am
I’ve been through a divorce. I found that there are times of up and down and I remember exactly how you feel when you wrote this. I PROMISE, it gets better. One day at a time, hell sometimes it was one hour at a time. Hang in there! You are brilliant so I know that you can do this.
16 May at 10:01 am
Thank you so much – the support from those who’ve been through this has been amazing. :)