When I had Isabel, I found the first few months of her life completely overwhelming. I don’t know if it was the shock of dealing with a demanding newborn at all hours, the pain I was in from my many stitches, the 6 weeks of lochia or simply the realisation that I could no longer get away with only thinking about myself. Whatever it was, it meant the first weeks were a blur of feeling a tad frazzled.
Now I have Oliver. Better birth (1 stitch) and feeds less than his sister did, but otherwise fairly similar (demanding newborn, weeks of lochia, etc) with the addition of feeding issues and a possible tooth coming through already(!) and yet I don’t feel frazzled. I don’t feel overwhelmed and tired. I notice and appreciate each tiny development and don’t begrudge the frequent nursing, the wanting to be held, the farting, burping, snot and sick. I am happy!
So why is it I feel so guilty? Guilty that I didn’t appreciate tiny Izz more (that I can’t remember much of the first few months of her life!) Guilty that there are other mum’s having a shit time of it. Guilty when Oliver sleeps for 3 hours or more because it feels so… indulgent! Guilty that I have a lovely baby while friends are struggling to conceive.
I don’t normally ‘do’ parental guilt (except that time I accidentally elbowed 12 day old Isabel in the head – don’t ask) so why is it knocking be about now?