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These are the parents of the next generation

 |  Interwebs, Parenting, WTF

I am seriously without words at the moment at the way some people choose to parent. I thought forcing early weaning was bad enough, but then I found this thread

I wont let her grnadparent put pillows behind her when she is sat on the floor saying “the more she falls the sooner she’ll learn” I am the meanest mummy. lef ther on the sofa with a toy the other day as i was stay on the floor and she face planted the floor.

I laughed at her when she was crying and it made her cry even more which made me laugh harder. they are just so pathetic sometime you have to laugh.

opened the cupboard door on to her head, she wasnt bothered.

ignored amelie coughing when she was poorley only to go up 5 minutes later (on the demand of my OH) and find her asleep in a pool of her own sick. she was more annoyed at being woken up and dunked in the bath.

And…

Sometimes when Rhys crys i just laugh so much, i cant help it, its his pouty bottom lip! My mum always says im being cruel and blah blah blah but its funny.

Plus…

I also laughed at him when he got his head stuck in the tv unit, and he once fell backwards off my bed while I was sat doing my makeup!!

Forced feeding…

Jenni, Iv been a bit impatient and tried to give him some food on a spoon and hes refused it, so iv been a bit more forceful and then realised i hadnt checked the temperature and it was really hot! Oooops!

Anything to cheer her up…

Gave him a massive spoonful of Ice cream, so i could see him get Brain Freeze Embarassed

I was feeling so down,lol!!

Sick, sick bitches. I wish that BC didn’t have an “anti-personal attack rule” because I’d let them in on a few home truths.

Jem Turner jem@jemjabella.co.uk +44(0)7521056376

193 comments so far

  1. Keeshia said:

    That’s horrid. I mean, I get the point of the thread but mistakes that hurt your child aren’t funny and neither is seeing your baby upset. If someone said that stuff near me IRL I’d smack them. Pity you can’t!

  2. Audrey said:

    I feel ill, angry, and embarrassed. Ill to read their words, angry to think of the childrens’ lives, and embarrassed to share a species with these "people." How horrific. :(

  3. Rachel said:

    Wow. I’m 15 years old and have no younger family members or anything, and yet even I can see how horrible they’re being. I kind of understand what they’re trying to do, but they’re really taking it too far. Not caring about your own child lying in a puddle of vomit? Wow. I sincerely hope that I’ll be a better parent than that if I ever have kids.

  4. Bubs said:

    Any reason why the posters can’t spell or form coherant sentences?

    I wouldn’t think any of that was funny if it happened to my dog, much less my child!

  5. Melissa said:

    This is just sick. I wonder if their parents did the same things to these people? You’d have to have been dropped on your head a few times to think things like this were funny.

  6. Chans said:

    That doesn’t sound like parenting, that seems like downright abuse to me. It’s very hard and frustrating knowing you can’t do amything about it…

  7. Melissa said:

    Reading things like that breaks my heart, I just don’t understand how a parent can do anything like that to their own child.

    I’m not a maternal person in the slightest, children rather annoy me, but I can’t ever imagine doing something horrid to a child for my own amusement. I’ve had fights with my best friend over some of the things he’s said has happened at home with his one year old son, his girlfriend thinks nothing of just placing him in his high chair with a packet of Quavers and a bottle of orange juice for a few hours while she sits on Facebook ?

  8. Ashley said:

    I agree with Bubs! I wouldn’t treat an ANIMAL this way let alone my OWN BABY! I understand that mistakes happen but letting your baby fall off of something tall is just completely irresponsible parenting. There’s a reason those things are made with safety belts.

    I want to know what motivated them to become parents in the first place (although I’d imagine a good chunk might not have gotten pregnant on purpose) if they find such horrible mistakes so funny.

    If they think falling over on their own is "learning" when they’re an infant, that’s ridiculous. That’s what the toddler years are for. New babies are so fragile.

  9. Carly said:

    @bubs ‘Any reason why the posters can’t spell or form coherant sentences?’

    Probably because their parents let them fall over and bang their heads as babies, thinking ‘they’ll learn quicker’ too.

    Sickening. This thread should be called ‘how not to parent.’

  10. Erin said:

    Reading shit like that makes me hope that the poster is just trolling around. The thought of little kids being around someone like that is enraging.

    Those poor little babies.

  11. Chrissy said:

    Nothing is funnier than taking pride and finding humor in blatant child abuse! What in the hell is wrong with these people?! :( Utterly disgusting.

  12. Zaphiie said:

    This is sick and disgusting!
    This isn’t parenting…

    Who lets their child faceplant off the sofa?

    There’s something wrong with these people…

  13. Lea said:

    Are you sure these are not fake? Like, some sick jokes? It brought tears to my eyes, and now I wish I could hug my toddler just to make the thoughts go away, but he is asleep. I cannot understand how seeing you child get hurt can be funny. If the entries are real, I think the people should be investigated by the social services… They are sick, cruel and are going to damage their children irreversibly.

  14. Nellie said:

    Um. I don’t know how many brain cells they’re missing, but they really shouldn’t publicly out themselves as child abusers.

    I would call the police on these people if I had the details to do so!

  15. Kelley said:

    I can’t believe it took THREE PAGES of that nonsense for someone to say they don’t find it funny. Reading things like that makes me feel sick.

  16. Amelie said:

    Huh, one of them named their poor kid after me (…yeah, maybe not). I don’t want to be associated with that filth, however indirectly it may be!

  17. Jamjar said:

    It is totally disgusting, and they are an utter disgrace, the whole point of having a child is to nurture and care for it.

  18. Louise said:

    These kids are going to be terrible, unhealthy people when (or if) they grow up. I bet if they ever have babies of their own, they’ll probably kick them out on the street (or lock them in a room with a TV) to "learn on their own".

  19. Caasi said:

    I stopped visiting Baby Centre a few months after DJ was born and very rarely visited the forums. I had a hard enough time dealing with the bad writing, let alone finding a few posts like those myself.

  20. Rilla said:

    That is unbelievable. I really can’t believe these are real. Especially to post them on the Internet and laugh about it. What’s becoming of our world…

  21. Shola said:

    My friend laughs and smile when her son is constipated or trying to poo (he’s like 3 weeks) because she doesn’t want him to pick up on her worried vibes and get stressed out. I thought it was bad at first but I kinda get it now. Regarding those parents though, it’s very disturbing to know this people are rearing children.

    Very.

  22. Echo said:

    o_O break the addiction, Jem! I can’t really deal with all of the, ‘haha, my baby could’ve died but didn’t so it’s funny (s)he got hurt!’

    I left the only mommy community I joined. It was a waste, everyone was so full of bad advice!

  23. Theresa said:

    I went to the actual threads and I agree that much of this is a bit twisted. Most of the situations are purely accidental and all the parents could do was laugh afterward instead of beating themselves up over it. The examples you quoted are not good ones. The fact that these women are so "alright" with some of the things they have done to their children is a bit unusual though. Unexpected things happen that aren’t always great but the idea of them damn near gloating over it as though they are proud of it happening, just bothersome.

  24. Veronica said:

    I swear some people should be on mandatory, forced birth control. Everyone has the right to breed, but that doesn’t mean that just cause they can, they should.

    Totally sickened!

  25. Mumblies said:

    I think perhaps I’d best not comment on this post, you know my feelings on this kind of parent Jem and I am certain your good readers do not really need to read that much bad language in one sentence.

    Only the other day I commented on a picture that had been posted in Facebook, a little kiddie of no more than 2 had fallen backwards into a laundry bin, the child’s mother seeing that this child had fallen and was stuck in this small bin did not, as you would presume rush to help the baby, consoling her and ensuring that she hadn’t really hurt herself….NO! Instead she felt the need to go and get her mobile phone so that she could take a picture and post it with a caption of "Told ya you would fall, now will you listen?" instead.
    I shudder to think of just much mental trauma all these so called "loving parents" are inflicting with their callous uncaring actions.

    I agree wholeheartedly with your comment. They are indeed SICK and none fit to have a child.

  26. Lilian said:

    Apparently my session expired… so did my comment go through? I’m so upset it took me ages to write out a reply! A baby in pain or incredibly upset is not NOT funny. Absolutely shocking.

  27. Katrina said:

    I’m not a parent but reading those comments made my blood boil, but I was happy to see some parents on there going against those comments. Regarding the no personal attacks rule, stuff that I say, your comments on there would probably be the best advice and reality checks those ‘parents’ would ever get.

  28. Felicity said:

    Glad you have drawn attention to this.. I would be horrified if i had any of these ‘fun little accidents’ with my son. Vile.

  29. Aisling said:

    I can’t say much about being a parent, but this seems wrong to me, just based off common sense.

    Also, not to be a brat, but most of those moms can’t spell and use grammar at the level of a high school student. I wouldn’t really worry about their opinion of you (although I know you don’t). I do worry about their children though, being raised by such idiots.

  30. Sarah said:

    These comments were from a thread asking for examples of imperfect parenting, things that people felt a little bit guilty about and to get them off their chests.

    They weren’t gloating and you have taken them out of context to further your own ends.

    Not that this comment will be shown as you seem to be a master at only giving a very one sided story – I know you from BC and have been appalled at some of your helpful posts which basically consisted of you attacking anyone elses views and opinions on raising a child when it didn’t gel with your own.

    If you actually want to see the full thread it can be seen on the babycentre site andyou can read the comments in the right context.

  31. Jem said:

    @Sarah: the thread was clearly linked in the post using the words ‘this thread’. People obviously read the thread before contributing, hence the criticism of spelling and grammar picked up by many of my readers. Thus, the context was given and views were formed on that.

    Your assumption that I’d choose not to show your comment shows exactly how little you know of me. Only anonymous comments are deleted here. You, and all of your shitty parent friends are welcome to leave your views – without the ridiculous rules held in place by the BC admins.

    I’m glad you found some of my posts helpful btw. Given the amount of time I spent in Breastfeeding offering support and suggestions, it’s nice to know someone noticed.

  32. Sarah said:

    Yes I had noticed and thought how lovely it was that people mock others for poor spelling and grammar and how that obviously shows what a poor parent they are if they can’t spell…

    I have never found you to be helpful, only rude and condescending and this site and your views on the parents who commented on a thread about confessions of imperfect parenting have done nothing to discourage my views on you, only strengthened them .

    You seem to have decided that if a parent once didn’t go to their child when it was crying or once accidentally opened a cupboard onto their child’s head that they are a terrible mother and need their mistakes to be commented upon and dissected in your blog. I think that is pretty low.

    I think it says a lot about you that you seem to think that because someone once didn’t do quite right by their child that you can post it up on your blog, so others can be just as appalled as you are at some other parents mistakes. Really classy.

    I am not an Aug 09 parent, but its good to know you class all mums on BC under the umbrella of shitty parent. I think BC will be a less judgmental and unpleasant place now you have left.

  33. Jem said:

    My visitors are free to comment on what they wish, providing they leave a valid name and email address – if they choose to comment on spelling and grammar, so be it.

    No, I gathered that you don’t find me helpful. It *was* sarcasm.

    Quite. In fact, not only do I think those mothers who choose not to attend to their crying children are bad mothers, but I also think that those who openly laugh at their injured children are bad mothers. I also think that those who post on message boards about how "pathetic" their child is/children are are bad mothers. Making a mistake is not a reason to think someone a bad parent; not bothering to parent makes someone a bad parent.

    If you think trying to guilt trip me will make me remove this post, you’re sorely mistaken.

  34. Sarah said:

    Wow was it sarcasm…well that slipped me by…*rolls eyes*

    Gosh I am not trying to guilt trip you! I am just making the point that these comments from BC that you feel are proof of bad parenting are actually in my eyes proof of a parent making a mistake.

    If you feel any sort of guilt for putting up these parents comments for others to dissect and be appalled about, when you know fine well this isn’t how they actively parent their children, just examples of mistakes they have made along the way, then that is guilt you have brought upon yourself.

    The only reason I commented is because I thought it would be prudent to give people commenting all the facts before they condemn the people who are such terrible parents for having made a few mistakes.

  35. Becky said:

    I am sorry you have felt the need to post my comments on your website,
    I would like to defend myself, as much as i suppose i can.
    I always attend to my son when he cries.
    I never intentionally feed him too hot food, I never set him to fall over, I always try to keep him from harm.
    Unfortunately, i dont always succeed. Unfortunately, i am NOT superwoman, nor am i supermummy.
    I am just trying to do the best that i can do.
    Will my son need therapy? I hope not. Will i apologise because i fail sometimes? Yes, i apologise that i havent always been the parent i should be.
    The only thing i can do is learn from my mistakes, and have the courage to laugh about them, then move on.

  36. Sarah said:

    No I figured someone as opinionated and unpleasant wouldn’t feel guilt for putting up a post designed to hurt peoples feelings, just because you got booted from BC after sending out abusive messages to the ladies from the thread in question.

    Like I said before what a classy lady.

  37. Jem said:

    Minor correction to your assumptions, Sarah: I posted this yesterday, before I called the member you’re referring to a sick bitch, not after. I was also not booted, I asked Lynda to remove my account.

  38. Sarah said:

    My mistake. I was always taught to never assume as it makes an ass out of u and me. I just made an ass out of me though there!

    I still stand by the fact that you only posted this thread to upset the ladies in question, knowing full well it isn’t how they parent their children on a day to day basis, just a thread where they were admitting mistakes that they have made.

    So posting a blog about it just to upset them is very petty.

  39. Jem said:

    I posted this to show my readers just how low some parents will sink – it’s the 3rd post on BC members. Funny how that site attracts some of the worst examples of parenting I’ve ever come across (and I come from Telford, so that’s saying something!)

    I don’t know how these ladies parent their children on a day to day basis. I don’t need to know. The fact that they laugh at their crying children and then post all about it on the Internet for other people to laugh is sufficient knowledge for me.

    I always said Petty should have been my middle name.

  40. Jem said:

    Rightyho, I’m off to bed now; you’ll have to wait until morning to have your comments approved.

    Don’t miss me too much.

  41. Sarah said:

    I think a site as large as that is going to attract all sorts of parents and you are not always going to agree with some parents choices, you can disagree but as long as they are not putting the child in any danger then it is no ones business how they parent their child but their own.

    In my opinion you posting about ‘how low some parents will sink’, just so you can sit around with other mums tutting about how shocking other parents parenting mistakes are, is pretty lame.

    But that is just my opinion and as I am one of those ‘shitty BC mums’ I am sure you will take it with a pinch of salt, just as I have seen you do countless times on BC when someone wasn’t doing things the *right* way.

  42. Jen said:

    Didn’t the title of the thread begin with the words "For fun…"?

    Call me stupid, but the title alone indicates that the thread was a haven to post scenarios and situations that they could then all have a laugh over. It definitely wasn’t a thread where the tone was remorseful or apologetic for the accidents that happened, that’s for sure. Some were even on purpose…

    Poor babies.

  43. Gricel said:

    Those are awful and quite shameful examples of parenting. Also… in response to the hurtful-ness of exposing these comments… isn’t making fun of a child in distress far more hurtful?

  44. Mimi said:

    Ah, this is the reason that I asked about on Twitter. I was surprised at the number of comments, therefor I realized you must have someone commenting over and over defending themselves or that site.

    All I know is that I would never laugh at my child if he cried, I would not leave him perfectly unattended while I did my makeup on a bed for the chance of him falling and I always watch him out of the corner of my eye if I can’t give him my full, absolute attention.

    Do I think these are bad parents? I couldn’t honestly judge that from a few comments they made. I think that these are examples of some really shitty attitudes in those instances but I couldn’t judge their overall parenting based on that. If this is how they act 100% of the time yes, pathetic parents.

    Do I think these examples are disgusting? Most of them, yes. The force feeding one seems more like an error in intelligence rather than purposeful bad parenting.

    Also, did anyone EVER say that because they can’t spell or have crappy grammar that they are bad parents because of it? I swear I never saw that.. Although bad spelling is pretty funny.

    Oh and I think there is a difference between laughing with the child in an adoring way because s/he looks cute and mocking them with laughter when they need assistance. I’m sure most people would agree. For example, Mason sometimes gets upset over something and starts crying and it’s so cute the face he makes, I smile a little and say, "Aww baby, come here." and fix the problem. I don’t point my finger at him and make him feel like an idiot. Perhaps this is what some of them meant, although I can’t be sure.

  45. Theresa said:

    Accidents happen, I have 5 children (soon to be 6) and I have had the whole "temperature was too hot" situation happen. As a new parent (and even an experienced one) minds slip and shit happens. My personal issue with the posts (which I went directly to the site to view so that I could get my OWN opinion on them opposed to someone else just pointing out the worst part of the post and me assuming I know what the hell was really being said) was the fact that some of them were put across as though, "Haha, so funny that happened! I did nothing to prevent it and may have been the cause of it.." A little more sympathy in some of the posts would have been a bit reassuring that some of the comments/confessions that were shared.

    Anyway, it’s the internet, if you don’t like what people have to say about what’s posted then write the shit down on a notepad, crumple it up and throw it away. Otherwise you’re just opening yourself up to criticism and even some bashing.

  46. Vera said:

    You know that makes me scared actually. I’m an incredibly clumsy person, I manage to hurt (myself) in the weirdest situations, so I can’t help but worry what I might do to a helpless child.

    One of the things my mom told me about when I was born, was how scared she was that I couldn’t do anything on my own. So I don’t know how a child hurting themselves can be laughing matter. Heck I always feel like crying when I see a baby/child/toddler crying.

    FTR: I did read the start of the thread. And I still find it appalling that anyone would laugh at a helpless child. :(

  47. Mae said:

    @Melissa: I’m not a maternal person in the slightest, children rather annoy me

    Me too, but when I have to babysit one of my cousins and they bump their head, I hug them at once and make them laugh so they’d forget about it and won’t cry so much anymore. :( This thread just breaks my heart.

  48. Lena said:

    Whoever said this… Gave him a massive spoonful of Ice cream, so i could see him get Brain Freeze Embarassed

    I was feeling so down,lol

    Is a sick bitch. Why would anyone want to see their baby get a brain freeze? That is so retarded, just like the rest of that mess. SMH.

  49. Sarah said:

    Also, did anyone EVER say that because they can’t spell or have crappy grammar that they are bad parents because of it? I swear I never saw that.. Although bad spelling is pretty funny

    "@bubs ‘Any reason why the posters can’t spell or form coherant sentences?’

    Probably because their parents let them fall over and bang their heads as babies, thinking ‘they’ll learn quicker’ too."

    "Also, not to be a brat, but most of those moms can’t spell and use grammar at the level of a high school student. I wouldn’t really worry about their opinion of you (although I know you don’t). I do worry about their children though, being raised by such idiots."

    Yep.

  50. Sarah said:

    "Oh and I think there is a difference between laughing with the child in an adoring way because s/he looks cute and mocking them with laughter when they need assistance. I’m sure most people would agree. For example, Mason sometimes gets upset over something and starts crying and it’s so cute the face he makes, I smile a little and say, "Aww baby, come here." and fix the problem. I don’t point my finger at him and make him feel like an idiot. Perhaps this is what some of them meant, although I can’t be sure."

    That is how I have taken some of the comments. I personally have only ever laughed at my child when she has fallen over if she has come over to me laughing saying ‘oops’.

    The only comment I worry about is the ice cream/brain freeze one which I think is hurting their child for their own amusement and for that they should be ashamed.

  51. Mumblies said:

    FAO Sarah from BC. (In case you didn’t know what that means I will explain :) It means "For the Attention Of" (Now THAT’s sarcasm!)

    For one, Not at any time did Jem write in her recent post critisizing bad parenting did she ridicule or make comment on the poster’s grammar or spelling.

    You imply that somehow Jem appears to have impossible or totally unattainable standards of parenting based soley on this post and the posts she made in BC, I for one would just like to say this…

    I am 52 years old this year. I have had 6 children of my own therefore, like it or not I AM more experienced than probably all of those who read this or those from BC.
    This does not make me better, or indeed a more superior parent, it simply gives me a much wider aspect of life from which I can glean information from, and therefore, like it or not (but then of course you DO have the right to simply ignore my comment, you do have free will do you not?) it also gives me the right to have MY say on this subject based on my own personal experiences.

    A child that is laughed at, learns to laugh AT others.
    A child that is taunted and teased, learns to taunt and tease others.
    A child that is show no love, learns in turn not to love others.
    A child that is taught to respect will learn to give respect to others.
    A child that is taught humility will learn to be more patient and help others.
    A child that is beaten learns to beat and hurt others.
    A child that is cruelly treated, learns to treat others with cruelty.
    A child that is taught to mock others, learns to mock everyone.
    A child that is taught that THE one person in their world cannot be trusted will in time learn never to trust anyone.

    How any mother can sit and laugh or gain pleasure and enjoyment from her child’s falls or accidents IS sick in the head. How, after carrying that child, feeling it grown and kick inside you and after the tremendous amount of effort and pain involved during childbirth. How, after holding your perfect, beautiful precious baby in your arms for the first time and gazing upon this child and contemplating the sheer miracle of life could you EVER not love, support and protect this child totally and utterly, even to the point of being willing to put your OWN life at risk to save them?

    Yes, accidents happen. Even my own babies fell, or hurt themselves in their normal growing up years. This IS normal, and to be expected. What a DECENT mother does in that case is pick the child up, ensure that they are not badly hurt, and kiss them better. Removing the child from the danger and showing them love is the caring thing to do… laughing at the child, is mocking it, showing the child that you didn’t really care that much to have bothered to go to it’s aid and take away the hurt and pain merely demonstrates that you don’t care that much for it in the first place. As for deliberately putting that child in a position whereupon it can hurt itself IS sick and in my eyes makes that parent no better than some sick bastard that will kill some poor animal just for the ‘fun’ of it.A baby does not ask to be born, the LEAST any parent can do is make sure that, having forced life upon this defenceless baby is look after it and protect it until it is capable of doing so for itself. YOU are responsible for making this child and bringing it into the world…the very LEAST you can do is protect it and cherish it.
    The lessons you teach that child as it grows are the memories and experiences that child draws from as it matures. THESE are the guidelines that child uses to draw information from and uses in it’s dealings with others as it goes through life.

    You all do not realise just how lucky you are to have that perfect precious person in your life, unless of course you have suffered the horrendous experience of losing that child. I have. No mother expects to lose a child, but those that do finally realise JUST how special each and every one is, it teaches us to appreciate them more and want to do more to protect them.

    Ask yourself this…would you really in all honesty want your child to grow into a carbon copy of YOU? Your child will become what and who you teach him/her to be, take a good long hard look at yourself, ask yourself just what exactly do you contribute to the world and mankind in general and is this what you want your child to be?

    I am proud of my daughter Jemma (shock horror it’s Jem’s mum talking here) and I am not afraid to tell her or show her just how much I love her. She IS (regardless of your opinions of her) a GOOD mother to her baby, whom in MY eyes is THE most precious special perfect little angel there is and I am safe and happy in the knowledge that she, like her mother will grow into a good and caring person simply because her parents are good and kind loving people.

    As it says in the Bible…"Do unto others as ye would have done to you"

    Before you leap to judge and critisize perhaps you might want to read your comments and those of others again…and ask yourself if they really ARE as wrong as you think they are or do they perhaps reflect what kind of person allows a defenceless baby to be in harms way, or to gain enjoyment and pleasure from it’s pain or discomfort?

  52. Katrina said:

    (Mumblies’ comment above = amazing. You can’t argue with experience.)

    No matter how much you defend the parents in question, take this into account – they themselves chose to reveal their ‘mistakes’ on a public website for everyone to see, therefore they WILL be open to backlash. Of course people are going to put the parenting under doubt if you read stuff like that, especially those who had no remorse or tone of regret in their messages, so you’ll just have to get over that. If these people know deep down that they are good parents, then they shouldn’t care if anyone, especially online disagrees right? They’re easily ignorable.

    Oh and please, someone try to justify to me how it is alright to deliberately give a child brain freeze because the mother is feeling down? Why make the child suffer for the parent’s own misfortune? If a parent feels down, go to a fucking doctor because what is making a baby suffer going to achieve? Nothing. As for the one who pretty much said babies were ‘sometime’ ‘pathetic’…they are BABIES, not emotionless dolls!

  53. Kristina said:

    Okay, while I agree that most of the examples are absolutely disgusting, I find myself fully agreeing with Mimi.

  54. Georgina said:

    Oh boy, that’s just cruel and sick. Especially the poor child in her own sick. These parents are watching their babies fall to the ground – amongst other horrible things that shouldn’t even be happening to a fragile baby – what the hell are they thinking? I’m just so shocked.

  55. Sarah said:

    First of all I agree that the brain freeze/ice cream example given is appalling. I have said that so I am unable to justify why the mother thought that amusing. As per my post above I said that was just hurting their child for their own amusement and that should be ashamed.

    I have taken a lot of the comments posted by the parents as unfortunate accidents which made them feel like a bad mum when it happened. They were asked to share these experiences and did. They are not an indication of how these parent parent their children and they were not – from the posts I read – put in danger for the parents amusement ( bar the ice cream example) but as a result of not thinking or making a mistake. No parent is infallible and we will make mistakes.

    What I objected to was the fact they have been called ‘sick bitches’ and generally lambasted on this blog and via private messages on babycentre by Jem and in my opinion that is not on. If I have an issue with what someone has posted I may let them know via pm politely, what I wouldn’t do however is send them abusive private messages and then set up a blog attacking them in public. It is really very petty.

    The reason why I believe Jem is rude and patronising stems from what I have seen here where she is publicly shaming some people from a parenting forum for making mistakes and also on babycentre where anyone who doesn’t do exactly what she does with her child/ren is spoken down to or ignored. I was a member of many of the same boards that Jem frequented so I know her as well as I want to.

    I think it smacks of hypocrisy that she is allowed to pull people up over what she classes as negative behaviour and I can’t pull up her on her own?

    Though I guess it is her blog and a lot of the people on here will share the same attitude?

    It also says in the bible ‘ Let he who is without sin cast the first stone’. Perhaps this is a quote she and others on here would do well to remember.

  56. Sarah said:

    "For one, Not at any time did Jem write in her recent post critisizing bad parenting did she ridicule or make comment on the poster’s grammar or spelling."

    — yes but others did, which is what I was pointing out. —

    "Also, did anyone EVER say that because they can’t spell or have crappy grammar that they are bad parents because of it? I swear I never saw that.. Although bad spelling is pretty funny"

    "@bubs ‘Any reason why the posters can’t spell or form coherant sentences?’

    Probably because their parents let them fall over and bang their heads as babies, thinking ‘they’ll learn quicker’ too."

    "Also, not to be a brat, but most of those moms can’t spell and use grammar at the level of a high school student. I wouldn’t really worry about their opinion of you (although I know you don’t). I do worry about their children though, being raised by such idiots."

  57. Sarah said:

    I think it’s incredibly stupid that people from the site are here trying to defend themselves by saying they would never put their child in danger, when one of the comments mentioned hearing the child coughing and leaving her only to find her lying in her own sick. That’s not putting your kid in danger at all, is it?

  58. Jem said:

    "I have taken a lot of the comments posted by the parents as unfortunate accidents which made them feel like a bad mum when it happened." – that’s funny, because in the examples I quoted there were lots of laughing and lols, but nothing close to regret? A few other mums on the thread mentioning feeling bad, but they were in the minority (and thus not quoted here.)

    Another correction to your assumptions: I only sent one private message, not private messages plural. I was going to message all of the mothers but I decided I’d be wasting my time.

    "I was a member of many of the same boards that Jem frequented so I know her as well as I want to." – you don’t know me at all. Very little of who I am or what I believe got posted to BC because of their ridiculous rules. Still, you’ve already demonstrated several times that you’re comfortable making assumptions, so why would anything be different in this instance?

    I note with interest, though, that I have provided reasons for why I feel these parents were deficient, and yet you keep repeating how rude/etc I am with no attempt at demonstrating where or how (beyond this post, which is a given). Feel free to share why I’m such a big meanie meanie poohead.

  59. Sam said:

    The post in question was created to share mistakes we have all made and not brag about what we have done wrong. For all those who are saying they would never do this and never do that, I would love to meet you, as obviously you must be superwomen and would love to know how you have never made a mistake.
    Reading and contributing to the post made me feel that I’m not the only mother in the world who has done something which would be considered to "some" people "cruel", and that I’m only human and not a bad mother for having accidents with my baby.
    You don’t even know these people so how can you sit and judge from one or two comments people have made? If you were there at the time of the incidents then I’m sure you would realise that the mothers have done are not nearly as bad as you seem to think. For example, if a baby is having an tantrum over something silly, I don’t see any harm in laughing – IMO (in my opinion to those who don’t understand!) laughing at your child for doing crying over something so silly will help change the mood and encourage your child to forget and move on.
    BC is a SUPPORT forum. There is no such thing as a perfect mother, we have all done things we are not proud of, but that by no means, mean we are bad mothers – there are by far worse people out there then women who laugh at their child or by letting a baby accidently fall off the sofa. I would say you shouldn’t judge on the face of those comments, there is a lot more to us then that one post.

  60. Sarah said:

    "I think it’s incredibly stupid that people from the site are here trying to defend themselves by saying they would never put their child in danger"

    I think they have every right to try to defend themselves against a public attack and condemnation.

  61. Tanya said:

    @Sarah and Sam: You’re still missing the point entirely. As Mumblies pointed out: yes, all babies and young children will have accidents. That doesn’t mean they have bad mothers. It’s the way you respond to accidents/ etc that is important: whenever my daughter is unhappy or in pain, I do everything in my power to help and console her. I would never laugh at her or make her more upset – quite frankly, in my view that is child abuse.

  62. Sarah said:

    — "that’s funny, because in the examples I quoted there were lots of laughing and lols, but nothing close to regret? A few other mums on the thread mentioning feeling bad, but they were in the minority" —

    Wow laughing on light hearted thread created to make people feel better about silly mistakes they have made whilst learning how to parent?…Cripes what next? Shock and horror on a blog that takes comments out of context just to further someones own petty dislike over ‘shitty BC mums’?

    — "Another correction to your assumptions: I only sent one private message, not private messages plural. I was going to message all of the mothers but I decided I’d be wasting my time." —

    Oh gosh my mistake! You only sent one abusive personal message to someone, not more than one. Well It’s lucky you have this blog to make sure all the poor mums who joined in the thread know just how disappointed you are in them and save your poor fingers from having to type out lots of abuse, when you can just put it up here for them all to see! Get it all done in one fell swoop ;-)

    — "you don’t know me at all. Very little of who I am or what I believe got posted to BC because of their ridiculous rules. Still, you’ve already demonstrated several times that you’re comfortable making assumptions, so why would anything be different in this instance?"–

    Oh you really needn’t worry about whether just how judgmental and petty you are came across even though you had to be on your best behaviour due to BC’s stupid rules about not being to personally attack people – It did!!

    I’m pretty sure that not one person who came across your passive aggressive and judgmental replies to most threads came away without realising your thoughts on them and how the way they choose to parent their child was completely and utterly repellent to you.

    — "I note with interest, though, that I have provided reasons for why I feel these parents were deficient, and yet you keep repeating how rude/etc I am with no attempt at demonstrating where or how (beyond this post, which is a given). Feel free to share why I’m such a big meanie meanie poohead." —

    I think you have answered this question yourself with your attitude to other peoples parenting and your disdain at how others choose to parent their child/ren.

    I wish that I could copy and paste your replies to varying threads on BC, but alas as you have deleted your profile all your responses on BC have been deleted too. So I can’t prove what a ‘big meanie meanie poohead’ you have been in that way, but anyone who has come across you on BC or has had the pleasure of reading this will be left in no doubt as to what a petty and vindictive person you are.

  63. Sarah said:

    –" @Sarah and Sam: You’re still missing the point entirely. As Mumblies pointed out: yes, all babies and young children will have accidents. That doesn’t mean they have bad mothers. It’s the way you respond to accidents/ etc that is important: whenever my daughter is unhappy or in pain, I do everything in my power to help and console her. I would never laugh at her or make her more upset – quite frankly, in my view that is child abuse."–

    I don’t think we have missed the point at all. I quite agree that when your child is hurt and they are crying or upset, then your maternal instinct is to hug them and soothe them, telling them everything is going to be alright. It is what we all do.

    There have been occasions however that my child has fallen over and has come running up to me with a smile on their face saying, "oops!" or I have opened a cupboard on their head, they haven’t noticed and I haven’t said anything as not to upset them as I figured if they hadn’t noticed, it can’t have hurt – does that make me a terrible mum? No, because I love my child and would never want to knowingly hurt or upset them.

    If any of the mothers from this thread had said, " I pushed my child off the sofa/into the cupboard/off a cliff for shits and giggles", then I would have been appalled, but they didn’t because they were accidents.

    It might not be the way that you would parent a child, but it does not make them bad mothers for replying to a light hearted thread in the way that they all did.

  64. Jem said:

    "Wow laughing on light hearted thread" – earlier it was a thread full of regret for unfortunate accidents, make your mind up.

    "Get it all done in one fell swoop" – indeed; I knew the mother in question would google my username and pass the message on. Worked a treat.

    "Oh you really needn’t worry about whether just how judgmental and petty you are came across" – excellent!

    "how the way they choose to parent their child was completely and utterly repellent to you" – you’re going to have to be more specific I’m afraid.

    "I wish that I could copy and paste your replies to varying threads on BC, but alas as you have deleted your profile all your responses on BC have been deleted too." – gosh, you clearly feel so passionately about me, there was I hoping you’d have specific examples in mind.

    "anyone who has come across you on BC or has had the pleasure of reading this will be left in no doubt as to what a petty and vindictive person you are." – funny, I know of several active BC members who’re nodding their heads in agreement with me on this one, at least 2 of which who’ve added their tuppence worth to this entry.

  65. Sarah said:

    It was a light hearted thread where people shared confessions of imperfect parenting, it was a place they could tell people accidents they have had in a supposedly safe place to get it off their chests and speak to mums who had done similar…I said that before, you know I did *yawns*

    Where have I seen you pick apart what people have said, hoping they would trip up or feel like they can’t respond due to your dissection and twisting of the words they have used when posting…Oh yes on BC. It doesn’t work on me though! water off a ducks back :-)

    You were barely a blip on my radar Jem :-)

    A minor irritation that popped up on some of the boards I frequent. A username that became synonymous with judgmental opinions and a lack of flexibility in accepting the differing ways people on BC chose to parent. That is all.

    I only keep replying to this blog as I am amused by your responses.

  66. Mimi said:

    I still fail to see how anything anyone said about them having poor grammar/spelling makes them a bad parent. I believe every statement pointed out that they are bad parents (not my words) AND they have bad spelling. Not "they are bad parents because they can’t spell".

  67. Rebecca said:

    I went to the zoo the other day, and if I was in the kidnapping business, it would have been a field day. Mums who were talking about getting pedicures just letting their toddlers run off. My friend and I took it upon ourselves to make sure one little boy wasn’t *completely* left behind…

    Also, scrolling up, I think I’m commenting in between a small flamey war? :\

  68. Jem said:

    "Where have I seen you pick apart what people have said […] It doesn’t work on me though!" – and there was me thinking I was just responding to your utter twoddle. Should I have just ignored your many assumptions, and not questioned your unfounded accusations (which you’ve still yet to provide any ‘evidence’ for, even if just from memory)?

    Hmm, where would the fun in that be.

    "A username that became synonymous with judgmental opinions and a lack of flexibility in accepting the differing ways people on BC chose to parent." – I co-sleep, and have friends who use cots and cribs. I babywear, and have friends with more than one pram. I breastfeed, and have friends who formula feed. I plan on BLWing at 6 months, and have friends who’ve introduced purees at 4. I have friends who home ed, some who send their kids to school; friends who full term BF and some who wean early; SAHMs, WAHMs and working mums; vaxxers and non-vaxxers; friends who stick their kids in front of TV, friends with no TV; friends who feed their kids meat and friends who don’t; single mums, gay mums and two-point-four kids mums. I’m struggling, with all that in mind, to think of where exactly this lack of flexibility lies… unless you count laughing at your kids when they’re hurt, or leaving babies to cry themselves to sleep.

    Yes, I’m definitely inflexible on child cruelty.

  69. susie said:

    "Funny how that site attracts some of the worst examples of parenting I’ve ever come across (and I come from Telford, so that’s saying something!)"

    seriously jem – these are the WORST examples of parenting you have ever come across????? so, baby P’s parents were not as bad as the parents on this BC thread? honestly, there are babies and children being genuinely neglected, abused and even killed in their own homes, and you think you have the right to pick apart a light-hearted imperfect parenting thread and accuse everyone on there of being the worst parents ever. how ridiculous.

    those that haven’t got children can’t really comment, and those that have, have you HONESTLY never accidently allowed your child to have the odd little bump? have you honestly not ever found it amusing some of the pickles they get themselves into? have you honestly never misjudged the temperature of their food occasionally?

    as mothers, we are constantly questioning ourselves and constantly feeling guilty about mistakes we have made. we weren’t ‘bragging’ on that thread, we were confessing some of the little accidents/mistakes that have happened that we do feel bad about, but that we see the funny side of now rather than beating ourselves up forever more. what do you want us to do, call social services on ourselves for the ‘abuse’ we are inflicting on our babies and have them taken away? having the courage to admit we have got some things wrong on a forum actually makes us better paretns than most.

    as others have said, you have taken the whole thread and all the comments on it completely out of context just to put it on your pathetic blog and get everyone to agree with you about what shit parents we are.

    if you’re a parent yourself, obviously your child is never ever going to have any accidents, they’re never going to fall over or get physically hurt in anyway because you will never take your eyes off them for a second, even over night. you will never make any mistakes or misjudge anything and you’ll always do everything absolutely perfectly. but seriously, if this is what you do with your spare time, your setting a shit example to your child.

  70. Sarah said:

    Lol you are getting quite het up aren’t you :-D

    I am confused Jem…you have mentioned before that you would have loved to have given abuse to lots of people on BC, but their annoying rule about personal attacks stopped you from fully giving people a piece of your mind…yet, you say that you are a pretty flexible person who doesn’t have a problem with others parenting choices…Hmmm…which is it? Perhaps you aren’t aware of how judgmental you are and don’t realise just how condescending and rude you actually are when being ‘mates’ with people who have made differing parenting choices to you. Just a thought! :-)

    I didn’t come on to flame at all. I only came on to stand up for people that have been treated very unfairly by you and your blog. If you have looked on BC…and I m sure you have… know just to see what reaction you have been getting to your blog ;-) You will see that you have upset and made a lot of very vulnerable people feel absolutely devastated – way to go!

    You must be feeling really proud of yourself that these terrible mums know just how awful are. Some of them haven’t stopped crying pretty much since they read your blog and all the further comments by your loyal group of followers. They feel sick that people could say such nasty things about them after they had just admitted to a few failings as a parent. I am sure you are feeling the warm glow of pride in knowing just how upset these women are.

    I have had a pm from one of my friends on BC who is friends with the lady who posted the comment about ice cream. Just for the record she didn’t force feed her child ice cream until he got brain freeze. She let him try a little bit and he screwed his face up, but wanted some more. He screwed his face up again and it made her laugh. He looked cute wrinkling his face up whilst tasting the cold ice cream, a new experience for him. She then wondered out loud whether him screwing his face up meant he had brain freeze and she stopped giving him the ice cream. She looks back on it and laughs as it was cute the way he scrunched his face up when tasting ice cream for the first time. So not bad parenting at all. I am sorry if my comment upset you in any way as my friend reassures me you are an amazing mum :-)

  71. Jem said:

    I’m going to assume you’re a little bit thick, Susie, and break this down into easy to understand chunks for you.

    "that site attracts some of the worst examples of parenting I’ve ever come across" = that site (the whole site, not one particular thread or another) attracts some of (not all of, just some) the worst examples of parenting I’ve ever come across (I’ve come across, personally, not read about in the media).

    Now, I didn’t know Baby P’s parents or minders personally, therefore reason dictates that I wouldn’t use it as a comparison to parenting examples I’ve come across *personally*.

    Does that make more sense for you sweetie?

    For the record, I didn’t ‘get’ anyone to comment on what shit parents you are (or are not), my readers did that for themselves. The majority of my readers have minds of their own and can agree/disagree at will. It’s an interesting concept, free will and freedom of expression. It allows me to tell the world how shit people like you are at parenting. :D

  72. Jem said:

    "you are getting quite het up aren’t you" – if you insist o.O

    "you have mentioned before that you would have loved to have given abuse to lots of people on BC" – yes, the parents who have no problem leaving their babies to cry themselves to sleep because they must self settle before the age of 12 weeks; the mum who fed her 7 week old baby rice because he was "just so hungry" and the mums who smoke over their tiny babies. I’ve no shame in being inflexible over child cruelty, but I already said that.

    "If you have looked on BC […] You will see that you have upset and made a lot of very vulnerable people feel absolutely devastated – way to go!" – no, but thanks for letting me know! Awesome news.

    An innocent parent would have nothing to feel guilty over. If these people are as justified in their actions as you say, and I’m the big bad meanie, why are they sobbing into their cornflakes? Surely they should be out there letting their children fall over and force feeding them hot meals, etc etc?

  73. susie said:

    hahaha your response to someone speaking the truth or making a good point is to call them sweetie and condescend them! yep, typical response from a person such as yourself. ok then, you’re right, you win, you’re better than everyone at everything.

  74. Sophie said:

    I was trying to resist the urge to post on your ‘blog’ as I didn’t want to indulge your already obviously over inflated sense of importance but from what I have read on this website you appear to be very ignorant and so I am going to make some attempt at educating you. You say that this post hasn’t been taken out of context- 24,529 posts have been made on this birth board alone, this is one example out of those many thousands that you have managed to find to criticise (I am sure you have been eagerly awaiting for it to arrive too).

    If you bothered to look at the other posts you will see that these same women regularly post every time their little one is ill asking for advice on how to make them better, they regularly talk about how they have no money and are eating beans on toast because they have spent their money on treating their baby, they worry about their child’s development and the best way to encourage them to learn, they ask about the safest equipment they can use for their children when in the car/feeding/sleeping…the list could go on.

    I read the post you mentioned and i find it highly amusing that you are criticising the lady who gave her child ice cream, is this not what BLW is all about- letting your child explore new tastes, textures and temperatures, and so what if she giggled when her baby screwed its face up all she was doing was laughing at her child doing something that she had done many times her self. I gave my daughter an orange the other day and she screwed her face up because it was sour- did i giggle YES, did I let her have more YES, I didn’t decide to never give her another citrus fruit again just in case it might make her tabs laugh.
    As for the falling down- do you personally follow your children round with a pillow and do you never smile when they fall to show them its ok and help them up again?

    I find it very odd that you enjoy making women feel bad about their mothering skills, you obviously DON’T care about these children as if you were seriously concerned about their welfare then you could have personally contacted the ladies and expressed their concerns not smeared their posts all over your site. The post was named ‘worst thing you have done’ not things we are going to do in the future, these mothers know they have made mistakes and recognise they have made mistakes- if you are a first time mum then you are learning constantly, the joy of being a mother is learning and growing with your child (and yes giggling at each other when one of you does something wrong).

  75. Sam said:

    Do you have any real friends Jem? I only ask as I couldn’t imagine wanting to be friends with someone who thinks they are better then everyone.

  76. Jem said:

    "I didn’t want to indulge your already obviously over inflated sense of importance" – hehe, think you’re taking me a tad too seriously Sophie.

    "from what I have read on this website" – you mean… this post? You’ve read nothing else; I can see that in my stats. So, talk to me about context when you’ve read my 1,003 other entries and 13 pages.

    "i find it highly amusing that you are criticising the lady who gave her child ice cream" – did I? Where? I simply quoted the post in which she talks about giving her son a "massive" spoonful of ice cream to deliberately give him ‘brain freeze’.

    "The post was named ‘worst thing you have done’" – no, it was titled "fun post whats the worst thing you have done to your lo" … I am yet to find fun in a hurt child. Apparently that makes ME a bad person? However will I sleep at night.

  77. Jem said:

    "I couldn’t imagine wanting to be friends with someone who thinks they are better then everyone." – I couldn’t imagine wanting to be friends with someone who takes my tagline that seriously. So, I guess we’ll agree to not be friends, yes?

  78. Jem said:

    No Sam, I don’t. I sincerely wish I was perfect/better than everyone else, because it would make poking fun at people all the more easy. :D

  79. susie said:

    jem – do you have children? have you honestly never made any mistakes?

    my daughter is rolling around all over the place at the moment, and the other day she rolled to the space under the stairs in my living room and managed to get herself into a position where her head was stuck at a funny angle in the smallest space possible and she started shouting for help. i immediately ran over to rescue her but i did find it funny the position she got herself in. does that make me a bad parent? NO, it makes me human. laughing at the funny faces your child pulls when trying new foods is also human nature, and all part of the fun of weaning, not child abuse for for god sake!

    not one of us on that thread said we found our babies pain amusing, or that we purposely allow them to get into danger/hurt themselves for our own amusement. just that accidents have happened because we are not superhumans that can prevent everything, and that the looks on the childs face or the pickle they got themselves in was a little funny. doesn’t mean any of us left our child like that for longer than necessary just to laugh at them.

    yesterday my husband came home from shopping and left the carrier bags up on the side in the kitchen. one of our cats got into an almost empty bag, jumped down onto the floor with it and was running around looking panicked with this bag attached to her. we got the bag off her as soon as we could catch her, but we found it absolutely hilarious. are you going to call the RSPCA? shall we go and hand her over to a cat rescue centre because we can’t look after her and are not responsible pet owners?

  80. Sam said:

    Well then you need to get over yourself and stop poking your nose into other peoples business saying we are bad parents. As said before, you don’t know us, so you are in no position to judge.
    I would also like to ask how you manage to respond so quickly to each individual comment as surely you wouldn’t neglect your LO whilst reviewing your blog?

  81. Jen said:

    "The post in question was created to share mistakes we have all made and not brag about what we have done wrong."

    – WRONG. The post was entitled "For Fun – what’s the worst thing you’ve done?" As I said in my comment above, the tone of the post was not remorseful or regretful. How many comments began with the words "Omg I’m pissing myself at these!!" or some such?

    You found them funny. The humour is not relief humour as you keep trying to make it out to be. You are not laughing because that’s "all you can really do in situations like that". You literally found what was happening to those children amusing.

    I also find it scary how light hearted some of the comments were, when the situations themselves could have ended so badly. Lying in sick, going underwater, falling backwards off beds. These are not lighthearted situations, they are dangerous situations which you count your lucky stars didn’t end up fatal. They are not the same as a baby falling down on it’s bum. The worrying thing is that none of the posters seemed to have realised how dangerous some of the situations were, so therefore I struggle to believe they learnt from them.

    I just hope those innocent babies never have to fall foul of their parents complacency again.

  82. Gem said:

    "I also laughed at him when he got his head stuck in the tv unit, and he once fell backwards off my bed while I was sat doing my makeup!!" – This is an excerpt from my comment and I feel the need to defend it.

    To quote Mimi’s comment – "I would not leave him perfectly unattended while I did my makeup on a bed for the chance of him falling and I always watch him out of the corner of my eye if I can’t give him my full, absolute attention."

    I most certainly do not leave my child unattended, which is how he came to be on my bed in the first instance. He was sat against the pillows with a selection of toys to occupy him while I sat on the edge of my bed and applied my make up. My only mistake here was underestimating how quickly he could roll, and being unable to catch him in time. When he was smaller I used his nap times to get myself showered and ready for the day, although now he naps less, and much later this is rarely an option. With regards to the ‘tv unit quote’, he merely crawled too close to it, poking his head under the top shelf to have a look, and was unable to crawl backwards to free himself. Once I had rescued him and was certain he had not hurt himself, then yes, I did have a little chuckle to myself. He is a curious baby and some of the mischievous things he does amuse me, does this make me heartless, sick in the head or an utter disgrace?

    As our children grow and develop they often do things we never anticipated they could do, sometimes resulting in minor accidents, it is our responsibility as parents to learn from these mistakes and to ensure they do not happen again, which I believe is something all the women in the original thread have done.

    I do not find humour in my child’s suffering, and I never once said that I chose to laugh at him instead of comforting him while he was crying.

    You say "An innocent parent would have nothing to feel guilty over. If these people are as justified in their actions as you say, and I’m the big bad meanie, why are they sobbing into their cornflakes?"

    Personally, I’m not a huge fan of cornflakes, although I will admit that initially I was upset by the way my comment has been used. I think it is wrong to judge people’s parenting on the strength of a few paragraphs, I think you, and your ‘followers’ need to look at the bigger picture. This is the only reason to my posting here, to give a broader view of the situations behind the thread. Maybe people reading will change their opinions, maybe they won’t, but at least I’ve said my piece.

    If you don’t make mistakes, you’re not working on hard enough problems. And that’s a big mistake. ~F. Wikzek

  83. Sharyn said:

    YOu are a fucking idiot!! Get a life and stop beating up on other mums. THe posts you have put on here have been totally taken out of context. You should be ashamed of yourself, you imbecilic skank!

  84. Jem said:

    @Susie:

    "do you have children? have you honestly never made any mistakes?" – yes, I have a child; a little girl. Yes, I’ve made mistakes. I make mistakes every day (relating to motherhood and otherwise). The difference is, if my baby were to suffer because of my mistake (neglecting to pay attention or just sheer bad luck) then I would not sit and laugh about it. I do not find it funny.

    "not one of us on that thread said we found our babies pain amusing" – there was plenty of "lol" responses. Where I come from, that’s "laughing out loud" (or lots of love, but semantics semantics.)

    "are you going to call the RSPCA?" – I wouldn’t bother. I tried that once to report a woman who was keeping 4 week old kittens in a dark cupboard in their own shit and they did nothing.

    @Sam:

    "I would also like to ask how you manage to respond so quickly to each individual comment as surely you wouldn’t neglect your LO whilst reviewing your blog?" – haha, nice try :) Guess that would have had more relevance if I’d not buggered off for 2 hours. Damn. Surely you wouldn’t neglect your child/ren whilst commenting here? I’m guessing the answer is no – that your child/ren is/are otherwise entertained or sleeping. (I NAK; Isabel also sleeps for upto 5 hours per day. That’s a lot of keyboard time.)

    @Gem: I am sure my visitors will appreciate you sharing the circumstances surrounding the incident.

    @Sharyn: LOL! How old are you, 12?

  85. Morgan said:

    So, this started off as a comment about how some mindless idiots pretending to be mothers laughed at some sufferings they put their babies through and ended with a personal bitchfest directed at Jem, simply because she mentioned the abusive ways these mothers handle their children at time? Really mature. Perhaps, if you had any motherly sense, you would have stopped and taken a good look at what was said in that topic, rather than going on a crusade against the person who pointed out that such cruel behaviour towards children just isn’t right.

    If you laugh at your own child getting hurt, like you "mothers" did in that thread, you’re not worth being called a mother. Sure everyone makes mistakes, and babies fall, they get hurt, accidents happen…But what sort of mother laughs when their child is in pain? I don’t know you people and quite frankly, I don’t want to know any of you. I don’t need to know your entire lifestory to figure out that if you laugh at a child’s pain – especially your own child – you are a sick individual. Better take a nice good look at yourself before judging others.

  86. Sarah said:

    A bitchfest directed at Jem….or people trying to point out the difference between child abuse and making mistakes with your child….hmm a tough one, but I am going to have to go with people trying to make Jem understand that there is a difference.

    People have come on explained the reasons behind their actions from the comments Jem has quoted and I realise you might – like Jem – not want to back down and say, yes their is a massive difference in child abuse and mothers discussing mistakes they have made whilst parenting their children. Thank you for pointing it out to us and I hope this thread gets deleted and show people that Jem has an ounce of decency. I’m not holding my breath though ;-)

  87. Jem said:

    I don’t delete anything on my website. Especially not when it’s this funny. You’re welcome to explain/justify/defend all you like though.

    "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" and all that.

  88. Sarah said:

    –"An innocent parent would have nothing to feel guilty over. If these people are as justified in their actions as you say, and I’m the big bad meanie, why are they sobbing into their cornflakes? Surely they should be out there letting their children fall over and force feeding them hot meals, etc etc?"–

    What utter rot!

    An innocent party can be made to feel pretty terrible after reading hurtful comments on a blog about themselves and mistakes they have made in regards to their children.

    You know you are in the wrong, but backing down or admitting that you have taken quotes out of context just to further your ends is not something you will ever do.

    You keep saying things about being a big meanie, as though the people being upset about this are spitting out the dummy and being big babies about the nasty comments waah waah waah.

    I know that you might still feel like you are in the playground with the way you are giving your version of events, even though it flies in the face of what really happened. I think that if anyone on here is behaving immaturely its you Jem, telling tales on the naughty mummies on BC and I don’t remember anyone else on here running to their mummy to help fight their battle with the nasty lady who said mean things about me…

    You aren’t a big meanie or even a poohead as you so eloquently put earlier. You are however someone who won’t admit to having made a mistake and you will argue black is white till you are blue in the face rather than back down, when clearly you are in the wrong. That really is beyond pathetic!

  89. Jem said:

    Aw, poor innocent hurt mummies. :'(

    If blogging is telling tales, so be it. I’ve been doing it for over 8 years I have no intention of stopping because a group of mothers can’t handle it.

    LOL, my mum reads my website every day – as any of my regular visitors (you know, the ones who’ve read more than one post) can tell you. She’s free to comment on this just like the rest of you. I have no problem with giving people a platform to voice their opinions.

    I’ll admit to making a mistake when I feel I’ve made a mistake. It’s something I’ve done before and something I’d do again, if I felt the need.

  90. Sarah said:

    “It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character.”

    – Dale.E Turner

    As it seems all the cool kids are leaving quotations, I thought I would too! :-)

  91. Emsz said:

    You do realise that that very same quotation could be applied to you, don’t you Sarah? Why don’t you realise that a thread that’s titled, fun post, what is the worst thing you have done to your lo, is WRONG in the first place. Things that hurt your baby should not be amusing. Especially not if you made them happen!

  92. Lilian said:

    Accidents happen. I’m not even required to be a mother to know that. Kids are curious and are capable of doing silly things in the brief second you look away. What was completely out of line was the context. Discussing mistakes shows remorse. Discussing how funny these mistakes were is cruel.

    Don’t expect people to not take it literally — words are all we can judge people by in the online realm. The ladies who took the time to explain what actually happened have my respect. Aside from that, I’d say most of you are missing the point.

  93. Sarah said:

    –"You do realise that that very same quotation could be applied to you, don’t you Sarah? Why don’t you realise that a thread that’s titled, fun post, what is the worst thing you have done to your lo, is WRONG in the first place. Things that hurt your baby should not be amusing. Especially not if you made them happen!"–

    If you look back at my posts I have admitted to making two mistakes. How many abusive pms Jem sent and when I put the record straight over the comment about the lady who fed her son ice cream. I always put my hand up when I have made a mistake or an error in judgment.

    The same however cannot be said about Jem who even though she knew the post from where all the comments were taken from was a light hearted post where mums were asked to share stories of times when they have made mistakes or not been the best mum that they could have been. Things they felt guilty about and wanted to get off their chest. Has decided they were examples of child abuse and bad parenting, even though not one person deliberately put their child in danger.

    Still if you have a bug bear with a particular group of ladies, why not take what they have posted out of context and incorperate it into your blog so others can point at the screen and agree that they are terrible and abusive mothers…

  94. Sharyn said:

    The amount of time you spend on here writing mindless blog entries obviously shows you have too much time, time that could be otherwise spent mothering your own child rather than criticising others for the way they parent. Get off your fat arse and off your computer and go do what you seem to like preaching about but not practicing – being a good mother. You are obviously neglecting your own child by spending so much time on the pc. My guess is she’s sitting in front of the tv, eating overly processed and sugary cakes from tesco whilst you sit on your computer writing shite. Instead of talking about how mothers should be, go and be one yourself! And I’m 38, not 12. I have 4 children, I cloth diaper, I feed homecooked meals, and I am a great mum. And even I I didn’t cloth diaper, do extended breastfeeding, make my own baby food, I’d still be a great mum because my kids get my undivided attention and I don’t neglect them by spending hours on a computer typing up a mindless blog like you do. And before you ask, I’m in Australia and it’s after midnight and my kids have been sound asleep since 7pm, so I’m not neglecting them by actually wasting my time replying to your silly little responses. Imbecilic twit!!

  95. Aisling said:

    Since I was "called out", twice, for saying that the spelling and grammar habits of these mothers would suggest a sort of idiocy that I would not like to see raising children, I would just like to clarify that I stand by my position on that. High school aged girls shouldn’t really be mothers, and mothers should really be at a higher intelligence level than high school girls.

    And, to whoever said those of us without children have no right to comment, it would seem as though I have more maternal instinct and gauge of what is right and wrong for a child, than many of the mothers on that board. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I have the qualification to criticize.

    I’m Jem’s friend. We’ve been friends for years. She’s one of the most intelligent, goodhearted people I’ve ever met. And she stands by what she believes in. Those of us who are readers of this blog, and have been for some time, have similar characteristics– Jem did not tell us to write the comments we have, we wrote them of our own accord, because we read something that was appalling and needed to be addressed. Now, keeping that in mind, who is in the minority here? Sure, the bulk of the comments are from Sarah and co., with their sad attempts to justify everything they’ve said and find holes in all of Jem’s arguments, but look at the sheer number of people who simply said "This is wrong," and stood by that one sentiment. These are people from all over the world, not just one community that seems to thrive off patting each other on the back one second and being condescending to their members the next.

    Oh, and by the way, raising a child is very important, yes, but it doesn’t mean you’re the queen of the world. Some of the moms on there are so thick, with their self-righteous attitudes, as if they’re the first person to ever raise a child (an attitude I’ve never seen Jem take on)… newsflash, ladies, it’s been happening for A LONG TIME, obviously.

  96. Jem said:

    That’s right Sharyn. Wow, everything you said is so true. It’s like you have a magic mirror and can see into my front room.

    Or… not, you know, whatever.

    ROFL.

  97. Aisling said:

    Izzy’s 6 months old, of course she wouldn’t be watching TV and eating cake…

    She moved on to porn and hard liquor MONTHS ago!

  98. Lilian said:

    Here I was thinking the majority of the ladies here made their case fairly articulately (or at least on-topic), despite whether or not I agree with them. Then you came along Sharyn. Bravo. You win.

  99. Emsz said:

    —The amount of time you spend on here writing mindless blog entries obviously shows you have too much time—

    Because it takes hours to write up an entry like this? Puh-lease. Takes like 5 seconds :P

  100. Sarah said:

    So people who can’t spell or use grammar shouldn’t have a child…gotcha.

    It’s good to know where you stand on who and who can’t have children. Now do you think people who have an IQ under 120 should be sterilised? Or before people pro create do they need to do some sort of standardised test to make sure they aren’t too stupid to bring a child up? What is the marker for the right amount of intelligence to be a mum?…really I’m interested on where you stand with this one.

    And for the last time I am not a mum who actually took part in the thread. I am not an Aug09 mum. I have a few friends who are members of that board. That is my only connection to that board.

    I came on here to stand up for the mums who have been called out for ‘abusing’ their children.

    If you really believe that that making a mistake whilst raising a child and then chatting about mistakes you have made on a thread designed to try and make you feel better about said mistakes *is* child abuse, then I might not understand why you think that, but this is your blog and you can say whatever the heck you feel like about said mums in the company of others who share your beliefs.

    You must have expected a little backlash over your comments and the fact you have pulled them out of context.

    Someone very astutely said a few comments ago that words are all we have on the internet to get a clearer picture of those who they describe. The difference being is that the people who are reading the comments highlighted and the thread they were on only have that as an example of these mothers parenting skills, whereas Jem has been on the board for a while and knows the mothers in question.

  101. Sam said:

    I only come online when my LO is asleep.

    I was just wondering your thoughts on ‘you’ve been framed’ and similar programs as they often show clips of children getting themselves into all sorts of situations and yet everyone seems to laugh? Surely we should be calling social services?

  102. Mimi said:

    @ Gem, your quote, "does this make me heartless, sick in the head or an utter disgrace?"

    I don’t think I ever said that? Plus I think I am one of the few of Jem’s friends somewhat defending you parents. Maybe you should re-read my comment?

  103. susie said:

    i still want to know exactly when any of us actually said ‘my baby being in pain is funny’, or ‘i like to watch my child suffer’. when my daughter rolled under the stairs and got her head in a funny position, she wasn’t in pain or suffering, just stuck and i immediately rescued her. however, i thought the pickle she got herself into was quite funny. shoot me.

    the lady who’s baby’s head got stuck in the tv unit – again he just got himself stuck, he wasn’t in loads of pain or being abused, and again, he was immediately rescued and his mum checked he was ok before thinking about it and realising it was amusing the way he got himself stuck. she didn’t sit there and laugh at him while he cried for help for goodness sake!

    i would like to meet a mum who has NEVER EVER laughed at the funny faces their babies/children have pulled from time to time, whether it be from them trying a new food they’re not sure about, or pulling silly faces when they cry. it doesn’t mean they get enjoyment from seeing their child upset, or that they don’t comfort them. jem you know you haven’t got a real argument here, and you know you took it all out of context. so just give up.

  104. Jordan said:

    I would love to offer up the invitation for a free night of babysitting to all of the BC mom’s that are leaving comments here. I will also perform said funny accidents to your children. I will let your child sleep in his own vomit for some time, laugh when he starts crying, let him fall from a bed and whatever else that was listed in that thread that everyone felt was hilarious enough to "LOL" to.

    We’ll see how your opinions are of these actions and if you still feel they’re lighthearted.

  105. Jem said:

    @Sarah: "Jem has been on the board for a while and knows the mothers in question." – I don’t know any of the Aug 09 mums, the thread was brought to my attention by another BC member.

    @Sam: we don’t watch TV here (well, except reruns of The Simpsons). We listen to the radio.

    @Susie: are we reading the same posts? ‘Cause I’m failing to see how you can explain away a mum DELIBERATELY not offering cushions for her child to fall onto, DELIBERATELY laughing at her crying baby, DELIBERATELY ignoring a sick baby coughing and only getting up because her other half made her?! And that’s just the first post.

    At the end of the day, you’re free to laugh at your babies in distress and I’m free to consider some of you sick fuckers whom I wouldn’t piss on if you were on fire. No amount of whinging about context / bitching on facebook / calling me petty etc is going to change that. You’re welcome to keep trying though…

  106. Helen said:

    It seems clear you are deep in the mind set that we are bad parents because we ‘let’ these things happen (and nothing we say will change that), but please bear in mind that you are not perfect (though you and your mother claim you are nearly). I would welcome the chance to drop by with SS to assess your suitability of parenting by your standards (listed above in PP) over several weeks…. ;) and we’ll see how you bear up to your own standards.

    Also, please bear in mind that the following is ACTUALLY classed as child abuse (which is the phrase you have allowed to be slung around here where it isn’t being used correctly)

    The signs of physical abuse: Bruises, black eyes and broken bones are obvious signs of physical abuse. Other signs might include:
    •Injuries that the child cannot explain or explains unconvincingly
    •Untreated or inadequately treated injuries
    •Injuries to parts of the body where accidents are unlikely, such as thighs, back, abdomen
    •Bruising which looks like hand or finger marks
    •Cigarette burns, human bites
    •Scalds and burns.

    Behavioural signs: If a child is being physically abused, their behaviour may change in one or more of the following ways:

    •Become sad, withdrawn or depressed
    •Have trouble sleeping
    •Behave aggressively or be disruptive
    •Show fear of certain adults
    •Have a lack of confidence and low self-esteem
    •Use drugs or alcohol

    The signs of neglect: There are occasions when nearly all parents find it difficult to cope with the many demands of caring for children. But this does not mean that their children are being neglected. Neglect involves ongoing, severe failure to meet a child’s needs. Here are some signs of possible neglect:

    •if the child seems underweight and is very small for their age
    •if they are poorly clothed, with inadequate protection from the weather
    •if they are often absent from school for no apparent reason
    •if they are regularly left alone, or in charge of younger brothers or sisters

    *** (PLEASE NOTE SOME OF THE ABOVE BULLETPOINTS DO NOT APPLY IN THIS SITUATION!) ***

    I would draw your attention to the following phrase (quoted from NSPCC guidelines) …. There are occasions when nearly all parents find it difficult to cope with the many demands of caring for children. But this does not mean that their children are being neglected

    I’m glad you are appalled by the idea of child abuse but there are people out there who actually do hurt children and abuse them on purpose – a lot of them do take pleasure in their actions. Maybe you should direct your energy into a different channel rather than attacking parents, who albeit don’t get it right every time, do try their best. Sometimes people are just people … trying. I wish I could say you wrote this blog as you were actually upset by the thread on BC (and yes, I am one of the mothers that contributed to the thread), but unfortunately a major part of me believes that you did it deliberately for the shock value and to cause an argument

    But please remember … for most of us at least … we’re still learning … if we stop learning


    A year ago, I delivered him,
    a baby of our own.
    Nervously and sleepily,
    we took him to our home.

    We figured out the nursing.
    "This goes how? and where?"
    We were told there would be crying,
    and how to show we care.

    A year has gone so quickly,
    yet we have learned so much.
    We’ve felt a love so strongly,
    in a baby’s gentle touch.

    His laughs and smiles. His pouts and tears.
    Wow! He can get so mad!
    But we wouldn’t trade a minute,
    as a thankful Mum and Dad.

  107. Jem said:

    You’d be more than welcome to pop by, although I think SS would have something to say about me giving out my address to strangers. ;)

    "Sometimes people are just people … trying." – sometimes people could and should try harder (yes, even me.)

    Thank you for adding your thoughts, Helen.

  108. sue said:

    Have you honestly any idea of the hurt and pain you have caused so many people!
    You took every single thing that was said out of context, and i dont blame the people who read your blogs to agree with you, because you are only giving a one sided argument!

    Not one of the ladies ever put there child in danger! Yet you think its ok to make them out to be complete idiots!

    You really are a sad individual if your life consists of bringing other people down just to make your life seem better! Hhhm, the more i think about it, its people like you that need brought down a peg or two, to sit on your computer and slate women you dont even know, just to get attention to a stupid blog is pathetic!

    I cant belive how much you have twisted everything, you really have no feelings,do you.
    When you were pregnant and gave birth to your first child, did you automatically know what to do, what was right and wrong?
    No one does… and you have made so may ladies feel useless and worthless, for no reason at all!
    Because not once did you stop to think what the reason was for the post.

    The post was to let us tell others what things had happened and to make us realise that accidents do happen!

    Life is far to short to be so serious, children need to be brought up in an enviroment were they have a full understanding of everything around them, and do you think by putting cushions around them everywere they go helps?
    Do you think not letting them taste other food helps?
    Do you think not laughing at them to let them know its ok, helps?

    No its not.

    I really hope your happy with yourself!
    But it is a really sad day when you have to twist things just to make yourself feel better!

  109. Deb said:

    Jem, come on. Dont you think you have taken this too far. These ladies are loving, caring mummies. We all make mistakes, we are only human.

  110. sue said:

    They have the right to defend themselfs tho!
    How would you like it if someone started posting false statements regarding your parenting skills all over the internet, you do know what you have done is illegal??

  111. Jem said:

    Yes, Sue, and by coming here and ‘defending’ themselves, they’ve attributed their posts to a name. Had they not bothered none of my visitors would have a clue who’s who, and as soon as this post drops off the first page of my blog it would have been forgotten about. Such is the nature of the Internet.

    I quoted the posts as-is, so if there’s any falsehood in the statements it’s of their own doing. Nothing illegal about quoting someone, I’ve been doing it for over 8 years and don’t intend to stop any time soon.

  112. sue said:

    Do you really think that they are using there real names on here?

    1) You have copied info from BC ©

    2) Your allowing slander of other peoples names to take place in a written format!!

  113. Helen said:

    Jem, I think what Sue is referring to is the fact that BC copyright states you must put their copyright statement against your original post. Also as a moderator of comments on your blog you have allowed your users to brand others as child abusers or causing child abuse in written form, which is without evidence (as in police, SS etc are involved) slander against the indiviual involved as therefore are libel.

  114. Gem said:

    @Mimi – "does this make me heartless, sick in the head or an utter disgrace?"

    This was not aimed solely at you, so my apologies if the point was poorly illustrated. I was merely using the same terms that were used to describe Myself and the other Aug09 Mums in previous comments that I read.

    Christine – "How can these mothers be so heartless?!! It’s so distressing…"

    Mumblies – " How any mother can sit and laugh or gain pleasure and enjoyment from her child’s falls or accidents IS sick in the head."

    Jamjar – "It is totally disgusting, and they are an utter disgrace, the whole point of having a child is to nurture and care for it."

    The only reason I quoted your post was because I was felt I had been misunderstood and needed to give my version of events.

  115. Jem said:

    @Sue – I don’t care if they don’t use real names (all the better for me, actually). Just as long as you don’t sign your posts as something obviously spammy (hence the line about wardrobes above the comment form).

    I think you’ll find that my personal, non-commercial quoting of the text is covered by fair use. You’re welcome to advise BC of my use though, I welcome a letter from their lawyers.

    @Helen – my users are responsible for their own comments, and are published as-is (except for requested modifications) for that reason. There’s also the small matter of jurisdiction (most of my audience are US-based).

    Again, I welcome letters from lawyers though.

    Good night ladies.. again, you’ll have to wait until morning for your comments to be approved now.

  116. stacey said:

    I would like to say that i posted on this thread about the accidents my child has had does that mean i should be shot down as being a bad mum. I think youll find that posts on BC that are titled "FUN POSTS" are titled such not because they are funny but because its to let everyone know that it isnt a seriouse posts. Not once did any of these mums say that they laughed at there child in pain or made any of these accidents happen on purpose. And i actually wrote about how my son (8 months old) dived off the sofa from my knee and burst his lip open and how i am now paranoide about letting any one hold him as im scared hes going to jump off them. I was so upset at myself for weeks and felt like a terrible mother because of this but then people made me realise that these things happen and that when there on the move more will happen! So am i not allowed to know laugh at the fact i was so upset over something that wasnt really my fault? or does that make me a terrible mum. Connor often pokes me and i will poke him back as he finds me copying him funny. Once he cried or moaned about it and did the bottom petted lip. Can you honestly say you have never giggled at these funny faces then hugged them? Or does that also make me a terrible mother? How about the fact that today he was in bed with OH (he has a bad cold and wanted cuddels with daddy) he rolled so fast and fell offthe bed and my OH didnt have enough time to catch him so he banged his head he simply got up and giggled so i laughed back so that he didnt get upset but then promptly phoned NHS 24 for advice. Does that make me a bad mum? Now if you read back that thread you will find as i was playing with connor at the time i typed pretty quickly and didnt get every detail in so it may have come across harsh but surely you could see that it was a light hearted post made so that other mothers didnt feel so bad about the accidents (that i bet most of them feel very guilty about)that have happend to there LOs. I think this blog is a nasty way to make mums feel bad about there parenting skills. Which i am shocked at as i would have thought you being a mother would have understood being a parent is hard enough without people judging you left right and centre. I think you owe alot of people an apology!

  117. Karl said:

    Sue, I will be the first to admit that when Isabel arrived and the midwife handed her to me, I had no idea what to do, what was right or wrong. So I quite simply used my common sense. Everything I/Jem does involves common sense.

    Isabel is continually accompanied, the house is continually checked for safety before Isabel is, for example, set down on the floor or furniture. We don’t wrap her in cotton wool, but we’re not bloody stupid and careless.

    Isabel will learn at her own rate, in her own way, and she WILL make her own mistakes. The difference is that we WILL be on hand, and we WILL NOT be finding it funny that she did it.

    I admit, I’m paranoid about the safety of daughter in general, but then I’m disabled and have problems that mean I need to take extreme care in things I do for/with her. I may scald myself in the bath, but for her I bought a thermometer and the bath is never more than 38 degrees. Nappy changing water is never more than warm. When she’s testing foods, I will be testing them too – if it’s too hot, no she won’t be having it until it’s cooled.

    When she’s picking things up and learning about things, we WILL be right beside her. I intend to start teaching her things that are and are not safe as soon as she can comprehend it. I daresay as she grows she’ll manage to hurt herself sometimes, that’s just life. However, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I find it even slightly funny or lighthearted.

    When all’s said and done, in 5 and a half months, our baby had rarely cried, has never been left unattended, has NEVER been ignored when she’s upset/been sick/ill, and has never been put below us in terms of importance. If you bring a child into this world, that child comes first at the expense of everything else.

    Maybe that’s old fashioned of me, I don’t know. It’s how I’m playing the parenting role though. Much like not watching the TV and instead engaging with our baby/encouraging her to engage with us and people around her.

    I couldn’t care less if people took offence at Jems post..it’s true to say Jem and I share a lot in common. If people feel they don’t like Jem, they certainly wouldn’t like me. I don’t think I’m better than everyone (quite the opposite in many respects), but I do agree with her views. I’ve seen some immense half-assed parenting examples in some of my jobs, as well as in my personal life…and all I can say is that if parents can take such a lax approach to the plight of a baby, god help those kids in their teenage years when they start to explore limits and rebel.

    So these people are parents? Big deal. Doesn’t make them immune to criticism. Nor are we. The difference is, if we make a cock up, we’ll hold up our hands to it and not attempt to justify or make light of it as "just one of those unavoidable things".

    It continually amuses me when people assume that I’m going to put my daughter in any way below myself…some of them are really, seemingly unable to grasp the concept of "she comes first, she’s the only thing that matters (and her mother, of course!). I feel sorry for them, I truly do.

    I’d welcome S/S in here with open arms, I truly would. They’d see a happy, smiling, engaging child who’s very well adjusted, advancing fast for her age and is very well looked after 24/7 in a child-safe environment by 2 parents that have looked at every room in this place and made them all as low risk as they can get.

    We have high standards, it’s true..but then so should all parents, surely? I never thought I’d be one in all honesty, but when I became a father I took a long hard look at everything and made the changes I needed to put her first. Jem did (and does) exactly the same. If people think they can try to pick holes, for all we care they can go ahead.

    All that matters is that we know damn well we’re doing a good job to the best of our abilities, and Isabel shows that, she really does. We don’t try to make others feel inferior, but if they do, sucks to be them frankly. It’s not hard to do what we’re doing to this level.

    And before anyone tries to level any abuse at me, do PLEASE be aware that I care even less than Jem, and am even more likely to laugh! I don’t have the time or patience to humour idiots, I’m far too busy looking after my girls. :)

    About the riskiest things in this room are the stairs (will be gated once she gets the hang of crawling), and the radiators (can and may be shut off if needed). We even padded the raised slate hearth of the old fireplace. That’s not cotton wool wrapping – it’s bloody elementary.

  118. Camille said:

    Let’s see if I got this straight…

    Jem finds thread, sees it terribly wrong, decides to post on her blog, people comment on it agreeing, and then those who disagree start posting saying she’s in the WRONG and saying it was just for laughs. Jem keeps pointing out the said "point" of the post and, well, it’s flying over your heads like a fly.

    "You are however someone who won’t admit to having made a mistake and you will argue black is white till you are blue in the face rather than back down, when clearly you are in the wrong. That really is beyond pathetic!"

    So, she’s pathetic for having an opinion? Really? Jem obviously has different views on what is wrong to do to a child than you and yet, you say she’s WRONG?

    Logic, you poor, poor thing. Did they hide you once more? There, there -pats-. Looks like it’ll be a while until we take you out from the ground.

  119. Sarah said:

    @Jordan No one deliberately put their child in a situation to cause them distress,it was all things that had happened by accident or things that had been done without the intention to cause hurt or pain to their child.

    So if you babysat my child and purposefully caused said accidents, then no I wouldn’t be laughing, you are quite right. I might actually call the police as that *would* be child abuse.

    I am also quite alarmed that you ‘would love’ to do that to all the children of the mums on here defending the thread in question….

  120. Sarah said:

    –"At the end of the day, you’re free to laugh at your babies in distress and I’m free to consider some of you sick fuckers whom I wouldn’t piss on if you were on fire. No amount of whinging about context / bitching on facebook / calling me petty etc is going to change that. You’re welcome to keep trying though…"–

    I don’t think you are petty anymore, just unbelievably pathetic. Anyone who goes out of their way to upset a group of women, even after it has been pointed out in every way imaginable that you are completely in the wrong is just really really sad.

    Loads of people have pm’d me and it has been very widely discussed, not just on ‘shitty BC’ but many other social networking sites at how pathetic and stubborn you are being, refusing to accept you are in the wrong despite overwhelming evidence to support that fact. Your replies and comebacks have been laughable…and not in a good way ;-)

    You can make some lame ass joke about getting the smallest violin out, saying I don’t care whether you are sorry and that it wasn’t done deliberately. I have made my mind up and I am so blinkered by what I see as being black and white, reason doesn’t come into it.

    No one spelling it out step by step what happened is going to change your mind. These women are child abusers end of.

    But here’s the thing, the more and more you have stamped your feet, getting worked up…and no matter what you say about this everyone who is reading this and who isn’t so far up your bee-hind that they are talking out of your armpits, can see you are having a little paddy about being pulled up on how wrong you have been here. The more ‘I wouldn’t piss on yous’ and ‘shitty BC mums’ you throw around, the more worked up your getting – and boy is it obvious ;-)

    Your opinions on this matter are worthless as you have had all the evidence shown to you as to why you are in the wrong. Yet you are still arguing black is white.

    So all the ladies who have come on here to defend yourselves, take a long hard look at the sort of person who has made this snap judgment about you. Jem is a rude, unpleasant and judgmental woman whose life is so empty she has decided you are all child abusers for making a few small mistakes whilst parenting. Sad isn’t it. She isn’t going to back down as if she admits to making a mistake about this, then she have to admit that she is wrong *shudder* and I don’t know whether someone with such a high opinion of herself would find that possible.

    *cue joke about how she doesn’t care and that she hopes we die or some other not so witty comeback*

  121. Sarah said:

    –"Yes, Sue, and by coming here and ‘defending’ themselves, they’ve attributed their posts to a name. Had they not bothered none of my visitors would have a clue who’s who, and as soon as this post drops off the first page of my blog it would have been forgotten about. Such is the nature of the Internet."–

    Yes, but it was the fact you took chunks of text from a site and then gave the sites name that meant anyone reading this blog could then go on and find the ladies in question on BC.

  122. Camille said:

    Forgot to add this:

    "The same however cannot be said about Jem who even though she knew the post from where all the comments were taken from was a light hearted post where mums were asked to share stories of times when they have made mistakes or not been the best mum that they could have been. Things they felt guilty about and wanted to get off their chest. Has decided they were examples of child abuse and bad parenting, even though not one person deliberately put their child in danger."

    That doesn’t excuse those -mistakes- as being -wrong-, which Jem is pointing out.

  123. Mumblies said:

    @ Sue – "Have you honestly any idea of the hurt and pain you have caused so many people!"
    Did any of those that found it funny to laugh at their offspring or allow it to remain in a position of danger REALLY stop to think that they are guilty of causing hurt and pain? (both mental and physical)

    "Not one of the ladies ever put there child in danger! Yet you think its ok to make them out to be complete idiots!"
    That should read "their" and how is allowing a child to lay in a pool of it’s own vomit NOT leaving them in a position of danger? They make themselves out to be idiots by finding humour in this.

    "You really are a sad individual if your life consists of bringing other people down just to make your life seem better! Hhhm, the more i think about it, its people like you that need brought down a peg or two, to sit on your computer and slate women you dont even know, just to get attention to a stupid blog is pathetic!"
    Jem’s life is rich with many things, in fact I think I am qualified to say that her life is just about perfect. She has a loving, supportive sharing partner, an excellent job and a healthy happy baby and a loving caring supportive family. Sitting ‘on’ her computer would surely cause a great deal of discomfort? try "at". Seeking attention to her blog? Correct me if I am wrong here, but isn’t that why people blog? She writes it, those that read do so by free will, I know of nobody that is coerced or paid to read it.As for her being sad, actually she is normally very happy.(Yes I know ‘sad’ is meant as an insult)

    "When you were pregnant and gave birth to your first child, did you automatically know what to do, what was right and wrong?
    No, but then she never claimed that she did. Nobody does, parenting is a state of CONTINUOUS learning.

    "The post was to let us tell others what things had happened and to make us realise that accidents do happen!"
    Indeed accidents do happen, the point of Jem’s post however was not to announce in shock "OMG accidents happen" but commenting on how on EARTH could any mother, having witnessed her baby suffer could they find HUMOUR in this, even to the point of sharing that humour with others? (and I still cannot understand how any so called caring mother would do this)

    "children need to be brought up in an enviroment were they have a full understanding of everything around them"
    Yup! Congratulations,parenting skills like this WILL indeed provide a sound base for your child to learn from. He or she will learn very quickly that even if they are hurt, or sick, or in need that yeah ok mummy may come to help (when she can be arsed) but don’t expect her to help you, she’s far too busy taking the piss and having a damned good laugh at your expense!

    "do you think by putting cushions around them everywere they go helps"
    Well, considering how unstable tiny babies are until they have learnt to control the 656+ muscles in the body sufficiently to sit without falling (or crawl or walk) I’d say it was a safe bet that covering anything sharp or dangerous with cushions or some other form of padding IS a good idea.

    @ Sarah – "I came on here to stand up for the mums who have been called out for ‘abusing’ their children"
    Why? Are they not capable of defending themselves? Or are they too busy allowing their babies to be in a position of danger and finding that humourous to be able to do that too?

    "I don’t remember anyone else on here running to their mummy to help fight their battle with the nasty lady who said mean things about me…"
    For your information Jem did not at any time ‘come running to me for help fighting her battles’ she lives a good 8 miles away from me and believe me, although I am indeed more than capable of defending my daughter, I leave that to her capable hands. She does not need me to defend her as she does a damned good job of doing that herself. I read her blog (as has previously been stated) every day, but then as a mother I support ALL of my kids in their lives wholeheartedly. Always have, always will.

    "yes their is a massive difference in child abuse and mothers discussing mistakes they have made whilst parenting their children"
    Indeed there is! However, to take pleasure or laugh at a child that comes to harm or hurts itself IS nasty, spiteful and abusive and anyone that thinks it’s funny to mock your own child, I pity you and your child.

    @ Sharyn –
    "The amount of time you spend on here writing mindless blog entries obviously shows you have too much time, time that could be otherwise spent mothering your own child rather than criticising others for the way they parent"
    Actually I can bet you any money that a good 99% of the time she is writing these comments her own baby is at the breast feeding, safe in the comfort of her mother’s arms and inches away from sight, therefore safe and happy and protected! (Even to the point of staying sat with her baby fast asleep in her arms for hours despite desperately needing to get up and stretch, or visit the toilet so as not to disturb her blissful sleep)

    "Get off your fat arse "
    With a BMI closer to the ‘underweight’ than obese…(now who’s being petty? How big is YOUR arse dear?)

    "My guess is she’s sitting in front of the tv, eating overly processed and sugary cakes from tesco whilst you sit on your computer writing shite"
    For starters I have NEVER seen Jem’s TV switched on, her baby has never touched solids as she is still soley breastfed and when she does start eating whole foods I know for fact that she will be weaned onto organic veg and healthy foods, just as her mother eats.

    "I’d still be a great mum because my kids get my undivided attention and I don’t neglect them by spending hours on a computer typing up a mindless blog like you do"
    How can they? If you have one child, then yes, that child may well have undivided attention, however by having more than one then you cannot provide totally UNdivided attention. At some time or other when you deal with one, the others are NOT getting your attention wholly…therefore your statement is incorrect.
    As for Jem neglecting her child, she never leaves her side!

    @ Susie – "not one of us on that thread said we found our babies pain amusing"
    Well actually you did, the ‘LOL’ means Laughing out Loud does it not?

    "those that haven’t got children can’t really comment, and those that have, have you HONESTLY never accidently allowed your child to have the odd little bump? "
    YES! I can honestly say that not one of my children EVER had a preventable accident and I have never ‘allowed’ nor would I ever allow a child to be in a position of danger! (but then I consider myself to be a caring, watchful parent, I brought the child into the world, therefore it was and still is MY duty to do everything in my power to ensure that child is safe)

    "have you honestly never misjudged the temperature of their food occasionally?"
    No, a decent, intelligent person would test the temperature of anything they give to their child. I know Jem will when that time comes.

    @ Helen –
    "please bear in mind that you are not perfect (though you and your mother claim you are nearly)"
    No, actually I did not at any time suggest that Jem is perfect, kindly get your facts right. She does a pretty good job though.

    You list a lot of the more common forms of child abuse, yet somehow have managed to omit MENTAL abuse, why is this? This is just as damaging to a small child and causes just as many problems later in life as physical abuse does. Mockery IS mental abuse. Failure to provide adequate care and respond to a child in distress IS mental abuse.

    Child abuse is more than bruises and broken bones. While physical abuse might be the most visible sign, other types of abuse, such as emotional abuse or child neglect, also leave deep, long lasting scars

    Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Contrary to this old saying, emotional abuse can severely damage a child’s mental health or social development, leaving lifelong psychological scars

    Child neglect—a very common type of child abuse—is a pattern of failing to provide for a child’s basic needs, whether it be adequate food, clothing, hygiene, or supervision. Child neglect is not always easy to spot

    Older children might not show outward signs of neglect, becoming used to presenting a competent face to the outside world, and even taking on the role of the parent. But at the end of the day, neglected children are not getting their physical and emotional needs met.

    If you can’t trust your parents, who can you trust? Abuse by a primary caregiver damages the most fundamental relationship as a child—that you will safely, reliably get your physical and emotional needs met by the person who is responsible for your care

  124. Jem said:

    LOL Sarah.. so people agree with me and they’re up my arse, but people agree with you and you’re all right?

    You don’t get it, do you? The discussing me on social network sites, sending people to my site – this gets me hits. In the grand scheme of things, hits == ££. But seriously, please keep linking to me; please keep sending your friends here.

    While you’re here, please feel free to read and comment on some of my other posts that have resulted in equally epic drama. I’m sure your tuppence-worth will provide entertainment for hours! Here’s some of my favourites:

    https://www.jemjabella.co.uk/blog/a-real-example-of-a-bad-web-developer
    https://www.jemjabella.co.uk/blog/pants-swimchicknet (the comments on this one are the BEST!)
    https://www.jemjabella.co.uk/blog/unrequested-review-of-pixelfxorg (lost the comments on this one unfortunately, that was another good one)
    In fact, thinking about it, the whole pants series is right up your street… https://www.jemjabella.co.uk/tag/pants

    Enjoy! :D

  125. Sarah said:

    You don’t get it, do you? The discussing me on social network sites, sending people to my site – this gets me hits. In the grand scheme of things, hits == ££. But seriously, please keep linking to me; please keep sending your friends here.

    I am pleased that you are getting money from people coming on here to see what a deranged member of the imaginary child police you are. That means you are making something more than just a bad impression ;-)

  126. Sarah said:

    –"LOL Sarah.. so people agree with me and they’re up my arse, but people agree with you and you’re all right?"–

    The difference is…and I will say this slowly sweetheart. I don’t have a blog with regular members who agree with everything I say. The people who are defending you are your mum – bless her heart – and your cyber friends.

    The people who are coming on and agreeing with me are doing so because they have read or taken part in the thread themselves and have seen you take things out of context and are giving their own opinion on it.

    Does that make sense to you, or would you like me to run it by you again?

  127. Sarah said:

    — "@ Sarah – "I came on here to stand up for the mums who have been called out for ‘abusing’ their children"
    Why? Are they not capable of defending themselves? Or are they too busy allowing their babies to be in a position of danger and finding that humourous to be able to do that too?"–

    Oh yes they are more than capable of defending themselves as their comments have shown. As a reader of the thread and then a reader of the blog and seeing how your daughter has twisted the contents of the thread to suit her needs to have a go at the mothers on there. I was perfectly within my rights to pass comment on.

    I only keep coming back on because it is funny to watch your daughter get worked up over blatantly being wrong and refusing to back down ;-)

    See there is a big difference in allowing your children to be in danger – which is abuse- and putting them in danger without realising it, which isn’t. That is called an accident. Did you get that? Should I explain it again?, perhaps in a way that you can misquote…hmmm…perhaps if you take the ‘n’t’ bit from the word isn’t and place it on the word ‘is’ at the end of my explanation of what is and what isn’t child abuse that will do? Sorry if you don’t understand a simple explanation about what constitutes as child abuse and what doesn’t. Your daughter doesn’t seem to either and she must have learned it from somewhere.

    Just a quick one as you seem to be someone who appreciates spelling and grammar, you appear to have spelled ‘humorous’ incorrectly. I just thought I would point that out to save you any further embarrassment.

  128. Ann said:

    Sorry guys, but having read through everything you have all said, in addition to Karl’s touching comment here and hearing Jem talk about Izz here and elsewhere, I’d rather they were my parents. I’ve no doubt that some of you on BC are good mothers, but I’d rather have parents who shower me with the infinite love and care Karl and Jem do with Izzy than have mothers who laugh when I’m upset or cause me pain, be it deliberate or by neglect. Karl and Jem have had my ultimate respect for the way they treat and look after Izzy for a while now, and none of you come even close to that, no matter how much you defend your actions or "mistakes".

  129. Jem said:

    @Sarah: oh look, another false assumption. Some of the people agreeing with me here weren’t even aware that I had a blog, let alone read it before.

    Again, if you think I’m getting "het up"/"worked up"/etc you clearly don’t have even a smidgen of a clue. This is not my first post that’s had a negative reception, and certainly won’t be the last. Some of us are already playing drama bingo…

    https://www.jemjabella.co.uk/junk/bingocard.gif

    Have a go yourself, it’s a right laugh. Sharyn nearly scored a full line to herself!

  130. Sarah said:

    I love it how you gloss over the facts and just find a part of my post that you can answer…you aren’t the only people playing a game of bingo ;-)

  131. Karl said:

    it’s true you know…both of us are far from even slightly worked up..:) Jem’s currently playing with Izzy and both are laughing, and I’m videoing it, because it’s all part of the diary I’m keeping and have kept since Izz was conceived.

    The internet is nothing more than a useful and mildly amusing tool, and a platform for free speech. It’s not exactly important in real life, and it’s certainly not something either of us get worked up over. If people feel we do, they’re free to assume so. Still wildly inaccurate though!

  132. Sharyn said:

    Wow, both you AND your mother are nasty pieces of work! What scares me is that you are ALSO bringing up a child to be the next generation, no doubt a generation of bullies and sanctimonious cows who think their own crap doesn’t stink. You’re precious little Isabelle will no doubt be one of those horrid kids in the playground who will tease and bully my son, who will make his short time at school miserable and totally unbearable. That is what scares me. You daughter will grow up to be the one who will put other children through mental anguish as they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Scary that a child like that (that is, like her mother) will end up at school with kids like my son. Thankfully she won’t be at my son’s actual school as we are on the other side of the globe (thankfully far away from the likes of you and your mother and your daughter). However, it still scares me that there are others like you bringing up the next generation of intolerable and self-righteous bigots.

    PS I hope I got 100% in spelling and grammar – I wouldn’t want to make a mistake and upset "mummy". Gee, where’s my mummy when I need someone to help fight my battles?

  133. Sharyn said:

    Oops, just realised that I wrote "you’re" instead of "your". That happens when one is suffering desperately from the awful effects of jetlag after completing a 26 hour cross-globe flight only 3 days ago. I’m guessing "mummy" will bring on the spelling/grammar police now to point out my error! Gulp!

  134. Jem said:

    @Sarah: I didn’t see the point of repeating myself yet again. You’re welcome to re-read my comments though.

    @Sharyn: LOL.

  135. Sue said:

    Mumblies I love how you have taken to slag my grammar now!
    Oh but did i forget to mention that im a YOUNG mum,who is disabled and who lives in a poverty area i also left school at 14, so there you go have another pop at that, cos im sure that makes me even worse!

  136. Karl said:

    *chuckle*

    "Isabelle"? Excuse ME?

    Isabel. Get it right, please. and no, I would hope my daughter doesn’t grow up to be a bully..but I’m not going to tell her to be a doormat either. I got bullied at school due to disability – sometimes corrective actions need to be taken. I would hope that she’s able to defend herself.

    Sue, you’re disabled, left school at 14 and are a young mum? So bloody what? As a disabled 33 year old father who left school at 16, college at 18 and was employed by 19, what are you trying to pull there?

    If you can’t cope with being a parent, keep your legs closed. Simple. I’m not afraid of people playing the disability card – it makes me laugh. So you’re a spanner, big dealie. So am I. Take the tiny violin, don’t let the door hit you on the way out, tata, see you later. :) If it interests you, and I doubt it does, both Jems mum and her partner are also disabled. Again, as I say from one disabled person to another..take your violin, and go cry in a corner, life’s a bitch ain’t it?

  137. Sarah said:

    When people whose sense of what is right and wrong is so warped like Jem’s and her loyal band of bullies, they don’t see the irony in what they consider to be abuse and what they don’t. It is really making me laugh out loud *LOL*

    Accidentally giving your child something too hot when spoon feeding them, most likely because you are frazzled and tired after spending all day looking after your child/ren and just forgot to do it once *is* child abuse in Jem’s lalaland

    Whereas mocking others for their spelling and grammar, sayingshe wouldn’t piss on people ifthey were on fire, calling folk sick sick bitches etc *isn’t* abuse in Jem’s perfect world.

    How silly we are all being. Perhaps if we viewed the world in which things are only black and white, rather than the shades of grey we all see, we might understand where she is coming from?…then again perhaps not…;-)

  138. Sue said:

    One thing im not is a spanner!
    If anything im proud of who i am, if you are disabled then you should know and understand the stigma that surrounds it, No its not nice to be judged!
    I was simply stating that your wife and her "followers" have singled out inncocent woman! And made them feel worthless, for what? To make herself feel better!!>

    You should know how if feels to be picked on, and be slated for your disability, so think how you felt, and now think how these innocent women feel!
    I never have and never will play the sympathy card over my disability, yeah its incredibly hard?! But its made me realsie how shitty some people can be in life, but its also made me realise whats important in life.

    My mum is a severe bi polar and my dad is disabled physically so growing up i never had my mum and dad around alot, so i know for sure my son will always come first, but he will never be sheltered they was you are with your kid!

    My son will learn that every single human being is different, and deserves respect! He will also learn not to judge people unless he knows the full story, something your precious child will never understand!

    I agree with you saying you will not teach your child to be a dorr mat, and defend herselfs, but is that not what these women are doing?
    Its the exact same thing!

    This blog could go on forever, i know you and your wife ave a right to your opinion but to post vile and false statements on the internet is wrong!

    These women have done nothing wrong, and maybe if you had read previous posts and knew these women you would maybe take a step back and realise you have made a mistake to judge and hurt so many people!

  139. Sarah said:

    Hey everyone apparently it is a free for all on abusing people because they are disabled and they left school without qualifications!

    So thats why we didn’t understand their warped views on parenting. They are apparently so confused on what is *right* and what is *wrong* they think that is ok.

    Perhaps we should do the opposite of what they say, just to make sure we don’t come across as fucked up as they do *LOL* :-D

  140. susie said:

    i feel so sorry for isabel, so so sorry, for her to have to be brought up in a family like this. i hope to god, that when she grows up and has her own children, that her children never accidently get their heads stuck somewhere, or topple over too quick for her to catch them, and especially that she never ever finds any of the faces her children pull funny, or look back on pickles they’ve got themselves into and think it was a little amusing. can you just imagine the family fall-out. her parents would disown her. but before all that, she’s got to live up to ‘perfect’ parents and grandparents.

  141. Emsz said:

    –look back on pickles they’ve got themselves into and think it was a little amusing–

    Looking back on a pickle they got themselves in isn’t wrong. The wrong part of all those quotes were, as Jem and various other people have pointed out, was that these mothers were showing no guilt/remorse about it whatsoever. They made it look like they saw that their kid had gotten stuck and then had a hearty laugh about it BEFORE they went to help.
    Laughing after the fact when it was some time ago, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that: my dad loves to tell me the story of the time they thought I drank cleaning alcohol when all that happened was that the bottle toppled over, leaving my room smelling like a cheap pub. I’m eighteen now, so these things are funny now, but they sure as hell weren’t for my parents at the time!

    And puh-lease, get your facts straight. If you happen to look on a few other of Jem’s blog entries you’ll find that the people commenting aren’t ‘followers’ they’re friends! There’s a huge difference, and we aren’t bullies either.

  142. Lilian said:

    Way to be over dramatic folks. I can’t believe the disability card is being played — never mind the exchanges about Jem’s parenting ability and her daughter. Especially as Jem has never posted about how hilarious her child’s accidents are!

    Again I stress that it is not the accident thing that bothers me. It’s that these accidents were portrayed as funny incidents — given the humorous context of the topic title, "For Fun" — when the incidents were not funny to begin with.

    Let’s see if the comments make it up to 200 :D

  143. Aisling said:

    Why do people always refer to us as Jem’s "followers" or "minions" when they have no clue who we are? Just so everyone is aware, I have my own, very well-educated and informed, opinions. I’m not Jem’s "cyber friend," I am an actual person, who is her friend, and knows her exceptionally well, via actual conversation not this blocky "okay, I write everything that’s in my head now," and then someone else does the same, without taking time to consider what anyone else has said.

    I don’t feel sorry for Izzy in the slightest, for your information. She’s happy and healthy and intelligent and her children can really only benefit from her having exceptional parenting role models to look up to.

    Parents always say things such as "Oh, nobody’s perfect, I can’t be a perfect parent," etc. But what kind of attitude is that? When I have my own children, I definitely intend to think "You know what? I *am* going to be a perfect parent. This child is going to be raised to the utmost standard, she’s going to grow up in the safest environment, she’s going to be well educated, she’s going to eat healthily, she’s going to be kind, but she’s also going to be strong and opinionated and clever."

    So, anyone who says they’re NOT a perfect parent, because NOBODY is, blah blah blah, you really just aren’t trying hard enough. If you don’t hold yourself to a high standard, how do you expect your child to exceed that standard? Because, look at society, kids are supposed to do one-better than their parents. Why are you setting the bar so low?

  144. Sarah said:

    @ Jordan So your point was things done on purpose are not accidents and vice versa or that you want to commit child abuse whilst babysitting the children of the parents on the confessions thread?

    That’s just confuzzling.

    If you agree there is a difference between accidents and deliberately harming a child – then good for you!

    If you want to commit child abuse then that’s not good and Jem and her *real* friends would have every right to lambast you publicly for admitting it on an internet forum/blog

    Oooh I do hope it gets up to 200 comments as I know comments mean prizes £££ and I would hate to think Jem is making an utter tit out of her self for nothing ;-)

  145. Sarah said:

    Nobody sets out with the attitude I can’t be a perfect parent, so I won’t even try. Perhaps somewhere along the way their confidence is shaken and they worry that they aren’t being a good parent, so don’t class themselves as perfect. If that makes any sense?

    I do understand what you mean there. I personally try to be the best parent I can be and enjoy every moment of it. It is truly the best thing I have ever done and I do the very best by my little girl and that is all you can be asked to do as a parent, give your all.

  146. Ben said:

    @Sarah Do you seriously get your kicks out of twisting everyone’s words to suit your point? And when are you going to realise you are flogging a dead horse here?

    Jordan’s point was that if the same things that were discussed in that thread had happened whilst she was babysitting your kids, and then when you came home she told you what happened and laughed about it – you wouldn’t want her as your babysitter any more, would you?

    If she said that your baby fell whilst she was doing her make up – would you not question why she was doing her make up instead of making sure your child was safe?

    If she told you that she ignored your baby who was coughing for 5 minutes to then discover her swimming in her own sick. Would you not think her a terrible babysitter?

  147. Sarah said:

    Twisting people’s words to prove *my* point…now that is funny!

    To quote Jordan

    –"I would love to offer up the invitation for a free night of babysitting to all of the BC mom’s that are leaving comments here. I will also perform said funny accidents to your children. I will let your child sleep in his own vomit for some time, laugh when he starts crying, let him fall from a bed and whatever else that was listed in that thread that everyone felt was hilarious enough to "LOL" to."–

    She did say she would *love* to babysit and perform all the *funny* accidents and that she would laugh. Is it not alright to judge someone on what they say at face value? I thought that was the whole reason for all this *outrage*

    I am not flogging a dead horse Ben, far from it…just how outraged you all are because someone perched their baby on the bed with them whilst they put on their makeup. Whilst this isn’t something I have done, you’d better believe it happens all the time. And what’s more – they are not in the wrong for doing it.

    Babies cough a lot. If I went upstairs sometimes when my little girl has a cough or cold, I would be at her bedside all night. Most parents would give it a couple of minutes before they went to check their baby was alright. The fact that you are all so outraged by this is bizarre and the comments I have read from you all have been very amusing. Truly.

    As for flogging a dead horse…well if you mean am I going to change any one’s mind by posting…probably not.

    Am I going to continue to be amused by how outraged you all are…very much so ;-)

  148. Sarah said:

    Sometimes a baby can make themselves vomit when they are coughing, that is true. I went up to see my baby when she had a coughing fit once and she had vomited and I felt absolutely dreadful even though I had come up as soon as I had heard her coughing hard.

    I know a lady who went in in the morning to find the whole cot covered, as was her baby in vomit. She had had the monitor on and hadn’t heard a thing. She was thinking just how lucky she had been because her baby was ok, but what if her baby had choked on the vomit?

    It is very scary being a parent and I can understand why people feel so strongly about the coughing incident, but it is very easy in hindsight to say you *should have* done something as soon as you heard your baby cough, but can also see why the lady in question left it five minutes before she went up.

  149. susie said:

    "Looking back on a pickle they got themselves in isn’t wrong. The wrong part of all those quotes were, as Jem and various other people have pointed out, was that these mothers were showing no guilt/remorse about it whatsoever. They made it look like they saw that their kid had gotten stuck and then had a hearty laugh about it BEFORE they went to help."

    you say looking back on a pickle a child got themselves in isn’t wrong – well that is exactly what we were doing.. LOOKING BACK. the remorse/guilt etc had happened at the time of the incedents, and once we knew our babies were ok, some of us found some of the incedents amusing. therefore, there is nothing wrong with posting about it after the event with the odd ‘lol’. it does not mean in any way that at the time we sat there and laugh while our babies were in pain/stuck etc.

    none of us said at any point that we ‘had a hearty laugh about it BEFORE we went to help’, did we. thats just an assumption you lot have made when taking the thread out of context and twisting what we’ve said.

    did you read one of my incedents i wrote on that thread, about my daughters bracelet coming off in the night and me finding the big bead of it next to her in the cot in the morning? i actually wrote that it wasn’t funny, i wrote that i still to this day feel terrible about it and shudder to think what could have happened. i was fully aware of the danger of that situation and i described what i’ve done since to prevent it happening again. so your comment about ‘these mothers showing no guilt/remorse whatsoever’ is complete bullshit.

    i agree with sarah about the coughing thing. do jem and all her groupies seriously run up to check on their child every time they hear a cough/sound? my daughter is also one of those that vomits silently. she was once having some tummy time on the floor, i was sitting with her but she had turned round so she was facing away from me. she was happily babbling and playing with her toys, and because i’m the worst mother ever and a child abuser i did take my eyes off her every now and again. some time later i picked her up and it was only then that i realised she’d been sick and there was a puddle of it on the floor under where her face was. she even had some on her chin. i was sitting no more than a meter away from her and hadn’t heard a thing. i really should out her into care, i’m obviously not capable of looknig after my child.

  150. Karl said:

    you’re right, it IS scary. Izz used to cough, vomit then go rigid and gasping for breath, thrashing around on the bed..scared the living hell out of me/us. That was immediately after a feed usually. It seemed to vanish before she reached 1 month old.

    However, it’s that burned into my brain that if she coughs, we’re there. No matter if it’s a light cough, we’re still there ready to roll her onto her side and pat her back. Literally, we’re THAT close at all times.

    As for sleep – she sleeps on Jem, or in the sling, or between both of us in the bed (Co-Sleeping is great).

    Even sneezes/farts/burps are watched/heard, and usually get a "pardon you" or "bless you". Unless, I admit it..unless it’s a 2am sleep stretch-fart, which usually makes me bury my head in the pillow so I don’t laugh out loud.

  151. louise said:

    I’m sure the blog owner and her partner do everything they can to ensure their baby is safe and happy and nurtured.
    I’m sure they will never find any of the faces their child will pull as she grows up amusing enough to laugh at, or funny enough to share.
    Im sure their child will never crawl backwards into a corner and not be able to work out how to move forwards, because they will always race to her side and get her out of her pickle.

    However, in the world i live in, babies are amusing when their bottom lips quiver and it doesnt hurt them at all to be laughed at while they are being cuddled, it doesnt hurt them to be left for a few moments to see if they can settle themselves back to sleep, even if they have a cough, and it certainly doesnt hurt them to be left to try and work themselves out of a situation they have got themselves into.

    If you wish to parent your child in that way, that is your choice, and no one has the right to criticise you for that. However the same works the other way, If you have a serious cause for concern, call the social services and let them investigate, after all, they are qualified to make judgement calls on other peoples parenting skills. If you have no basis for concern, then perhaps it might be nicer to keep your opinions on other peoples parenting skills to yourself………..

  152. Morgan said:

    These comments are hilarious. Hopefully you’ll get to 200, Jem :D Oh and, I can’t wait for the next pants award :) Hopefully the drama in this thread gives you some inspiration. :P

  153. susie said:

    "However, in the world i live in, babies are amusing when their bottom lips quiver and it doesnt hurt them at all to be laughed at while they are being cuddled"

    completely agree. its lot like we sit there pointing and laughing at our babies while they cry going ‘HAHAHA look at your face its soooo funny that you’re upset’. its just a little chuckle whilst comforting them. and in fact, if i have a little chuckle, it makes my daughter smile.

    i personally believe that co-sleeping is dangerous. how about i take karls quote about them co-sleeping with their daughter, put it on a blog and get a load of people to gang up and tell them they’re shit parents. i’ll even get my husband and my mummy to help me fight my battle.

  154. Sarah said:

    Karl we didn’t co sleep…I would have loved to, but I am an extremely heavy sleeper and I worried that I wouldn’t hear her if she was in distress. She was in one of those attached to the bed cot things, so hopefully the next best thing!

    I needn’t have been worried about not hearing her though as my little madam also had a trumpet bum and I spent a lot of time stifling the giggles as it sounded like my baby had been replaced with a brass band ;-)

  155. Mumblies said:

    @ Sue – Are you for real? When you find yourself running out of insults or things to come with to support your cause do you really have to resort to playing the "Oh pity me, I’m disabled" shite?
    Forget it!
    I, as Karl has mentioned before am also disabled. I however don’t feel the need to whip out my tiny violin (thanks Jem, love that pic) and start plucking at the strings to gain a sympathy vote. Note that I did not at ANY time make reference to my disabilities, nor would I ever. But then I have the balls to take a stand and voice MY opinions on whatever I felt strongly enough about without the need for backup. I don’t need to hide behind anything if I wish to comment, nor do I need anybody to feel sorry for me or take pity on how terrible my poor poor life has been thus far. Ooh quick everybody, all those with disabilities raise their hands, lets all take 5 and have some praise for doing what most do without thinking. PITY ME PITY ME! (Yep, more sarcasm) (Shock horror!)
    Wait until you have cremated your own Mother and buried your own son in the same week! THAT’s real tough to get through.

    So you are disabled…BIG DEAL! So are lots and lots of parents. We all have things in life that make things harder, we all have dealt with the various trials that life sends our way, not ALL of us use that to help defend us or seek pity and sympathy.
    If you think your life is hard now, I would love to be able to talk to you in say 40 years time, and see what you think about hardships then.

    For your information, I am not now, nor have I ever been a "groupie", nor do I feel the need to leap to my daughter’s defence every time someone speaks out against what she has said. She is more than capable of doing that for herself and she has Karl at her side. I merely voiced MY personal opinions on the subject to hand.

    I STILL say, all children can and do make mistakes and get into scrapes, this is normal.
    What I find sick and disgusting is a parent that will LAUGH at their child’s accidents or misfortune and worse, recount those events and LAUGH again. If you think I am wrong here, by all means ignore me, it really won’t make a damned bit of difference to my life and I really couldn’t give a monkeys.

    @ Sharyn "Wow, both you AND your mother are nasty pieces of work!"

    Oh gosh! Insults! Whatever shall I do? Oh woe is me, sob sob where is my mummy to defend me?

    Bite me!

  156. susie said:

    "What I find sick and disgusting is a parent that will LAUGH at their child’s accidents or misfortune and worse, recount those events and LAUGH again."

    give it a rest for gods sake. we’ve explained what actually happened at the time of those incedents, why we found some of them funny (after the event), how we dealt with them and what the purpose of the post was. you’re clearly too thick to understand and wish to continue calling us sick and child abusers. fine, you carry on love.

  157. susie said:

    i am also finding it rather amusing that all jems followers, minions and groupies are getting defensive and desperately trying to convince us that they are not, they’re her friends. aaw, ok if you say so.

  158. Emsz said:

    "none of us said at any point that we ‘had a hearty laugh about it BEFORE we went to help’, did we. thats just an assumption you lot have made when taking the thread out of context and twisting what we’ve said."

    There was no assumption made in this case. There was a thread title:
    FUN POST, what are the WORST things YOU have done to YOUR child. That to me is a title that shouldn’t have been there in the first place, because it IMPLIES that there was enjoyment in things that could have hurt your baby quite severely.
    Then there’s the fact that some of these replies that Jem quoted, use words that do not in anyway make it seem as though they feel guilty now/felt guilty then.
    I do admit that I did not read the thread and have only these quotes to go on. The ‘these women’ in my May 3rd post refers to the women that Jem quoted here. I have no opinion on the other women, as I did not read their posts, I’m sure that if you say they felt guilty they did, and you did as well.
    The whole point I’m trying to make here is that the internet has no intonation. You have to carefully word yourself as to not be misunderstood, because you can’t make an offensive comment seems less offensive by the tone of your voice. Also these quoted replies aren’t accompanied by a facial expression of the woman that was writing the reply. This makes that I only have her words and nothing else -no facial expressions, no tone of voice- to go on when I read those words and interpret them.

    The same is for the thread title, to me it implies that the lot of you are a bunch of sadists that revel in the pain your baby is in. Please understand this: I’m not saying that you are a bunch of sadists, I’m just saying that the thread title makes it seem that way.

    If you don’t want to be misunderstood on the internet you should watch your words VERY, VERY, carefully. You never know when you might be. (Also explaining things after the fact doesn’t help your case, it only makes it seem like you’re looking for excuses. Previous statement not aimed at anyone in particular, just a general observation.)

  159. Theresa said:

    @susie
    "i personally believe that co-sleeping is dangerous. how about i take karls quote about them co-sleeping with their daughter, put it on a blog and get a load of people to gang up and tell them they’re shit parents." – Well then that would be your decision. Just like it was Jem’s decision to write this blog post and everyone else’s decision to comment on it. You tell Jem’s mom to, "give it a rest for gods sake." but I don’t see anyone else who’s commented 42834 times giving it a rest either. It’s pretty obvious that these are arguments that aren’t going to be "won" by either side so what’s the point really?

    The thread was named poorly in my opinion and SOME of the mothers on there should have most likely worded their stories a little differently. It is the internet and just about anything anyone says is open for attack. Jem is being attacked now just like others from the forum felt as though they were being attacked by Jem. It’s the way of the world (not just the internet). If you can’t handle it then don’t write in a thread, don’t blog a post or leave a comment. Like I said way up at the top, "..if you don’t like what people have to say about what’s posted then write the shit down on a notepad, crumple it up and throw it away. Otherwise you’re just opening yourself up to criticism and even some bashing."

  160. jojo said:

    hey. id just like to say, i visit the bc board and read said post but didnt feel the need to respond to it or add my two pence worth. Every parent experiences accidents, tumbles etc with their child..i myself have lost count of the times my lo has fallen whilst learning to crawl and stand..its all part of them learning..of course I will try to make the environment as safe as possible but you cant wrap them up in cotton wool!!!its not good for them surely? I think the whole point of the post was to make women aware that they are not the only ones who have made mistakes with their children and to make it light hearted..at the end of the day I can guarantee EVERY one of those women felt guilty , sad, upset and beat themselves up over things they have done or not done to their kids!! I do it every day…but I think the point of the post was to say .."wow.we all make mistakes..we’re all learning..and no, i’m not a crappy mom!" I think it was just put across wrong..and if any baby had been seriously hurt then of course noone would be laughing or making light of it.
    All this bitching has gone too far..its ridiculous really that none of us have anything better to do than bitch and slag other ummies off who are just trying to make it through the week with a clean..fed and happy baby!!
    ..and there are bound to be lots of spelling errors in this as i’m typing quickly whilst lo is playing.

  161. susie said:

    the post was titled incorrectly.. so what? doesn’t mean any of us that commented actually abused or purposely hurt our child, or found the incidents hilarious at the time. if you want to look at that title and read something into it that isn’t there, then accuse us all of being sick child abusers thats up to you. we all know we’re good mums. i’m past caring now…

  162. Ben said:

    "i am also finding it rather amusing that all jems followers, minions and groupies are getting defensive and desperately trying to convince us that they are not, they’re her friends. aaw, ok if you say so."

    Are friends not people you interact with on a daily basis either through phone, IM, email or in person? Are friends not people who you introduce to your parents, other half and child? Are friends not people you share your highs and lows with? Are friends not there for you whenever you need them?

    Most of the people who have commented on this thread and whom you refer to as ‘followers’, or ‘minions’ are actually friends. I’m sorry if you cannot seem to grasp that Jem is a human being, a terrific mother, and someone who actually has multiple good friends.

  163. Karl said:

    @ Sarah – I was/am also a heavy sleeper, usually. If i’m not in bed with them I’ll sleep anywhere, through anything. I spent 3 hours snoring my head off on the landing with one of the cats the other day..:)

    I was a little concerned about the C/S originally, but I found when we had her in a cot I was lying awake listening to the standard "breathe fast, then stop for a few seconds, gasp, start again" baby breathing and getting really tensed up if I couldn’t hear her. Heh. It really worried me.

    Plus she’s a wriggler – blankets never stay put. I was having to fight the urge to continually check her temperature. So I said OK to trying co-sleeping.

    It’s been SUCH a difference. I now slide into bed (right on the edge, how can the smallest person in it take up 60% of it?) and lie there knowing I can reach behind me and feel her there. I sleep pretty well TBH – but we’re definetly "hard wired" to her sounds now..even a sigh can wake me 90% of the time for a few seconds, just long enough to think "is she OK? Oh yes. Good." and then drop off again with no disturbance. Plus if I want to check her temperature, I can do so easily and I’ve stopped worrying about her getting cold.

    Feeding is easy and can be done without waking her, ditto back rubs and cuddles. And she’s far superior to my alarm clock – no alarm clock yet can wake you with a combination of a dribbly hand to the face, a finger up the nose and a big smile. It’s the best starts to my day I think I’ve ever had!

    We do take all the standard precautions..a new mattress that’s quite firm, the duvet is pinned by our arms and Izz is high up in the bed..chest usually uncovered, but still nice and cosy. No pillows for her, but we do have a towel tucked in that goes across the top to soak up any dribble. Works very well!

    If we need it, the cot-bed is fastened to the frame of our double with a side removed, as you did..but Izz doesn’t sleep in there for long as a rule before she wakes.

    I know some people tut and boo at co-sleeping..heh. All I’ll say is that when we were in the hospital, both the senior ward sister/matron and the breastfeeding consultant/maternity staff said "bloody good job, nice one – we approve of that, and it’s nice to see it coming back into the mainstream." High praise indeed, even from medical staff! Good enough for me.

  164. Sarah said:

    I definitely think I will try co sleeping with any furutre children I have as from what I have read the benefits from it sound amazing!

    My little girl recently started waking in the night and we brought her into bed with us and the hug and big kiss I got from her at 5 in the morning was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life :-)

    Let people tut and boo at co sleeping…knickers to them! ;-)

  165. Karl said:

    Oh, and Susie…heh..

    We had a weekend of some of Jems, as you put it, "minions" sharing the house with us, eating food and having a good time..no, there’s no faking friends going on, not at all..:)

    T’was a good weekend, to be fair!

  166. Mumblies said:

    @ Susie
    "give it a rest for gods sake. we’ve explained what actually happened at the time of those incedents, why we found some of them funny (after the event), how we dealt with them and what the purpose of the post was. you’re clearly too thick to understand and wish to continue calling us sick and child abusers. fine, you carry on love"

    As you obviously, despite the fact that you are asking for me to stop, felt the need to yet again add in your contributions of insults…

    For your information I am far from thick. I would like to bet I passed far more exams with top marks than you did (and those were ‘O’ levels, not the easier GCSE equivalent)

    If I choose to think something about someone nobody will change my mind, it is after all MY personal opinion.

    As for calling me "love"… HA! I am not ‘your’ love, but I am a lesbian ;) is that a chat up line?

  167. Sharyn said:

    I have a son who is dying. He is 5 years old and he has a muscle wasting disease (which is 100% terminal) which means all his muscles (including his heart and diaphragm) are dying.

    The way I see it, there are more important things in this world than bagging other mums who are trying to do the best they can. I can honestly say I don’t agree with what many of these mums do, I never took part in the original post as I don’t have the time to take part in such “trivial” matters. With 4 kids aged 5 and under, and one of them special needs, I don’t have time for such "luxuries". I am probably one of the world’s angriest people, angry because my son has a disease that means i have to watch him die in front of me and I can’t do a single thing to change that. So I can sympathise with you, Mumblies (or whatever your real name is). Burying a child would probably be the hardest thing i will ever have to do.

    When I found out about my son having this disease, I was so angry and I lashed out at all those mums with healthy kids who didn’t care what they fed them, how they treated them, whether they smoked around them or not. I couldn’t stand any person with a healthy child, and I felt a complete resentment towards them. After all, I had done EVERYTHING right by my child. I watched what I ate, I have never smoked in my life, I didn’t drink, I was the world’s most attentive mummy, I fed him purees, I breastfed him exclusively until he was 6 months old (and only quit because I was then 3 months pregnant with my second child and was getting so sick and rundown from both babies taking all the nutrients from my body), I held off on solids until he was 6 months old, I never used Johnsons baby products (because let’s face it, they’re filled with carcinogens). Okay, I used disposables, but then I was living in Tokyo at the time and had no idea about cloth diapers (which I am a big advocate of now). I did everything right by my baby, and still he ended up with a disease that came about by a "spontaneous mutation" at conception. So I spent the first 6 months after his diagnosis (at 2 years of age) being angry with every single mum who didn’t do all the right things by their children, who cut corners, who didn’t put them in car seats, who fed them junk food, etc etc etc.

    When I came to England, I knew nothing and no one. I found myself pregnant with my 4th child in a country whose medical system is decidedly backwards (compared to Singapore, where 2 of my children were born) and once again with no family or friends. SO I joined BC. It was on there that I met a number of women who gave me the advice I so needed, who guided me in the right direction, who educated me in how the (archaic) English medical system operates. The gave me so much advice and I am grateful to them. These were women who I probably would not have become friends with in real life as we were all from vastly different social backgrounds, and yet these women have been nothing but supportive to me, supported our fundraising efforts to find a cure for my son, and many of them have become good friends. I don’t judge them on the things they do as mummies. Many of these women I now know personally, including some of the mummies who were involved in that infamous post, and I can honestly say that their children are incredibly happy, not abused in the least, and they have wonderfully attentive mummies. So I am very defensive of these women, my friends, just as your friends are of you. I know these women would never do anything to harm their children, and that what was written on BC was certainly taken out of context. I only read the post the other day, before it was deleted, and even though some of the things come across as quite harsh, I actually remember when they happened and the mums were quite worried, some terribly so, about what had happened and were upset that these things had happened. There was never a hint of complacency and there was certainly a fair amount of remorse. It’s only now, a fair while after the said event, that they can look back and laugh (albeit nervously) about something that could have ended up serious and yet didn’t. I am sure it was a wake up call to many of these mums. At the end of the day, they are good people doing the best they can, and they are good mums with beautiful healthy kids. Something I am terribly jealous of, I am ashamed to say.

    Now I always thought it was just me, having a child with special needs, who was constantly trying to wrap her children in cotton wool. After all, I have a reason. If my son falls and breaks his leg, he will most likely never walk again. So even though most mummies assume I am overly paranoid, I am just trying to keep my son ambulant for as long as possible. However, I don’t have that same “paranoia” with my other 3 children. You see, I realise that kids will fall and take tumbles. It’s part of growing up and learning. They need to “feel” their way, find their feet. I will be behind to catch them, most of the time, but I can’t be behind them 100% of the time. I refuse to wrap them in cotton wool either. I will be there with a cuddle when they fall, but I can’t always be there to prevent that fall. If they fall and they aren’t crying, I will laugh and say something like “silly billy, you had a fall but you’re okay” because I have learnt that a child’s reaction is often a reflection of their parent’s reaction. So I try to “laugh off” the event so that my child knows that it wasn’t really serious and they didn’t get hurt. Because let’s face it – if they aren’t crying, it wasn’t serious!

    I won’t be commenting on this post again as I don’t agree with it in the least. However, I will say that at the end of the day we are all good mummies, but our parenting styles are all different, and that’s not a bad thing. As long as we don’t smoke around our kids (which to me is probably the worst thing a parent can do and certainly constitutes as abuse in my book) and we do the best we can for our kids so that they are safe and healthy, then that makes us good parents. The rest is trivial.

    Life is too short and too precious to worry about how others are parenting their children. We all need to be concerned about our own children, but let’s not pick fights with others for parenting their own way. There is no right way to parent, there are so many different ways. I know I”m a good parent, my kids are happy, they come from a house full of love, we care about their safety and their well-being. So why don’t you all go and be the best parents you can be to your own children and stop worrying about whether someone “puts cushions behind” their little one, or if they give them icecream. At the end of the day, it’s no ones business but theirs.

    I am sorry if I came across so abusive in my previous posts. As I have said, I am very close to many of these so called “shitty BC mums” and therefore very defensive when someone gives them a hard time when it is for something so trivial which has been taken totally out of context. As I have said, life is way too short and there are certainly worse mums out there who should be named and shamed, not these mums on the August 09 BC board.

  168. Mimi said:

    Holy shit Jem, that is formatted just like a Pants response!!! You do work wonders! You have given a girl cancer and now this. IR loving u! :P

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