It’ll come as no surprise to most of you that Dooce’s recent entry on potty training immediately made me think of my niece. She has, over the past few weeks, started down the road of learning to poop in her potty (Charlie, that is, not Dooce/Heather). It is quite early, from what I’ve heard, but the way Anna figures it is that the sooner she gets used to/likes her potty, the sooner she’ll learn to use it properly.
So anyway, I’m visiting my niece last week and she starts to pull her nappy off. I swiftly grab her, plonk her on her training seat which goes over the toilet and wait for the wee-wee. Nothing! Huh. I get ready to lift her down again when she starts pulling off great yards of tissue and shoving them between her legs down into the toilet. I was laughing so hard I forgot to point out that there is a little step between the ripping and the dropping known as “wiping”.
Moving swiftly on before I drive away all of my child-free-and-proud visitors, I’ve been tweaking the site here and there again. Trying to add individual titles and meta descriptions to each page in the hope that one day I will be listed first at Google when searching for ‘Jem’ (my life goals — so sad and geeky). This sounds easy, but in reality I have a couple of hundred pages strewn across various folders and it is an incredibly tedious process. Particularly as writing enticing and exciting descriptions is not my strong point, so please.. feel free to make suggestions for individual pages.
Last but not least (because I decided not to blog about how sick I feel and the green lumpy snot-vomit.. oh wait..) I thought I might share some amusement with you guys, ’cause you all deserve to be ‘in’ on my funnies:
Name: N/a
E-mail: fyou@humailll.com
URL: http://n/a
Comments: you CAN take whatever you want on the net, you stupid fuck. wake up.
This being an ‘application’ to join the my own. clique. I really must send an e-mail to the owners of whatiscopyright.org and rightsforartists.com and point out that copyright doesn’t really exist and they’re wasting their time and effort — because some illiterate fool says so. Now, excuse me while I go and get myself an ‘humailll.com’ e-mail account, and steal me some celebrity photos/lovely trademarked characters..
(Please vote for tutorialtastic?)
26 May at 10:31 am
I remember potty training my younger brother….something I definitely don’t want to go back to!
26 May at 11:19 am
Eugh! Wee Wee! I’ve never had to experience potty training! Thank god for being the youngest realtions! That last comment made me laugh so hard I nearly Wee Weed myself. Seriously. “You can take whatever you want” Seriously love, try it, lets see who will be reported to their webhost and threatened with legal action…. It’s much more fulfilling to actually make some thing original and by yourself anyway, actually I lie, where’s my britney PDF? I need to slap some crap brushes on it.
26 May at 11:20 am
Ugh I meant PSD. Damn those PDF files I’ve been working with this week: Stuck into my brain!
26 May at 2:25 pm
Uh oh. Jem. He used caps lock for a word. That means he HAS to be right.
26 May at 2:43 pm
wow. I hope that submission was a joke, sent by Amelie or something to cause some excitement in our lives. Otherwise: That person is an iddiiiooottttt whee!
26 May at 2:59 pm
Kids are so cute! I have 10 younger siblings, so I should know. :P Misery loves company…I’m sick, too. Wonder if that person ever made anything they didn’t want people to take?
26 May at 4:17 pm
Rose, how dare you! :P I’d never submit that kind of thing. Seriously though, it wasn’t me, but I completely agree with what they said, omg. In fact, I’m going to scrap my nice original layouts to make a lovely Hilary Duff/Lindsay Lohan celeb layout because i can take woteva i want on da net cuz sum twat said so :P …ya. Rly.
26 May at 5:20 pm
Kids are funny. Luckily my younger sister and I are too close in age for me to remember having to go through that with her. Either that or it tramitized me too much that I’ve blocked all memory of it out. That person who submitted that comment is “special.” Although if he’s right I’m going to go steal some copyrighted anime images for my next layout (j/k).
26 May at 5:49 pm
I was amused by your potty training comments…I am so glad those days are past for me, I was really put through the ringer by my kids in that area. The good news is (in my experience) girls are much easier to potty train than boys. I checked google for “Jem” and you came up #5, then I checked for “Joni” and I also came up #5…strange, yes? I must agree with the above comment about it being more fulfilling to make your own layouts. I couldn’t agree more…taking other people’s stuff is pointless.
26 May at 5:52 pm
Also sick. I feel your pain. This fyou@humailll.com person is a twat. I never say that, but seriously? You can steal anything on the Internet? :P Ah ha ha. Regarding being first when searching for Jem: I somehow managed to become first when searching for Meggan. So there is hope. :D
26 May at 5:53 pm
@Meggan: I’m #2 for Jem on google.co.uk, but I’m stuck behind the famous singer girl.. and how am I supposed to compete with some chick who’s sold millions of records?!
26 May at 6:12 pm
how about getting your name nearer the beginning of your meta description? Ramblings and reviews of a British web developer; Jem Turner. maybe have Ramblings and reviews of Jem Turner, a British web developer. Or pay some spammers lots of money
26 May at 7:36 pm
Sounds like Chris, that does. Sure it’s not him? Heh.
27 May at 12:54 am
In reply to this comment by Jem: “how am I supposed to compete with some chick who’s sold millions of records?!” …how d’you think I feel? I have some mega-uber-ultra-million-dollar-extra-famous film to contend with. Searching for my name will bring up about 20 million results of reviews, and THEN it will bring up your site, where I’m listed a couple of times (comments, plugs, etc.) … and then a load of other sites… And then my own. Last, of course. Not that I’m surprised about that, I don’t really encourage bots to spider my site (that has its advantages though – no comment/form spam in 6 years! :D ) so they’re not exactly going to find it easily. But still… Moop.
27 May at 2:56 am
lmfao at that application. People can be so stupid. That reminds me of a week or so ago when I got an email asking whether I was currently hosting or not. I replied with something like, ‘sorry, it’s invitation only right now.’ They send an email back with a ‘okay, so you’ll host me, then?’ me: ‘do you recall me inviting you to be hosted by me, because it seems to have slipped my mind.’ them: ‘yeah.’ me: ‘oh, that’s funny, because i don’t believe we’ve ever exchanged emails before.’ It was quite amusing for me, I must say. Good luck with the Google thing. It’s not as easy as it sounds, I know.
27 May at 3:17 am
Good luck with the potty training. My nephew (two years and a half) still doesn’t seem to care about it. Apart when we went at my grandmother’s place, where he took the potty from the living room and brought it into the bathroom. At least he knows where it belongs. Actually the person is right. You “can” in the sense that you are *capable* of doing so. But I am also capable of murdering my neighbors with an axe, which doesn’t make it any more of a good idea.
27 May at 5:10 am
I’m first on google.ca if you search “Mike Haddad” which makes me happy considering how many Mike Haddads there are.
27 May at 2:00 pm
Ooh internet ‘shoplifters’ get smarter all the time. Now they even make themselves known through application forms..