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Elite Cliques

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Let’s talk about elite cliques. No, I’m not talking about a good ol’ whinge because I haven’t been accepted (I haven’t tried recently), nor am I talking about the usual rant on how acting elite is bad (I love being elite). This is a rant/observation on cliques that think they’re elite when they’re not. At all. I wrote this a few days and forgot to post it…

1. Let’s start with ARROGANT, The Elite Clique. Firstly: the layout. Since when did a black box in the middle of a white page, containing an inline frame, constitute elite design? Oh, and then of course there’s the first paragraph:

This clique was designed to bring all webdesigners with well designed sites, and attitudes together.

How many webdesigners do you know with well designed attitudes? That’s how it reads to me and I’m the Queen of misplaced commas. I usually let this kind of thing slip – not today.

This clique is was designed and is maintained, by me, Christine.

“is was”?

It is an elite clique, so make sure you note that before you join.

I’ve noted it. I’ve written it down on a post-it note even. Will this help me become a member? Will this increase my general knowledge? Will this make my site suitable for your elite clique? Will this get rid of your nasty white scrollbars that are impossible to use? Will it clean up your terrible spelling and poor grammar? Oh right! This must be distraction technique – I note down that you’re an elite clique which means I’m not focused on the screen and won’t see all of your cock-ups. Riiiight!

2. Now, let’s go now to Twilight Magic. Yay, more frames! Gosh – I’m beginning to think that I must use frames for my own website, otherwise I won’t be accepted. That’d be a shame. I obviously have to use miniscule navigation too – this seems to be your set standard. Obviously never heard of people who wear glasses or have some sort of visual impairment.

Twilight Magic is an elite clique which lists only those websites that are well designed in graphic design and in web design.

Uh.. what?

it’s not a semi-elite clique, but a wholesome elite clique

A wholesome elite clique, eh? Is that anything like the difference between normal white bread and wholesome wholemeal bread?

1. Have an extremly well designed site, which is up to my level or higher then me.

Wow, getting into this clique would be easy then.

3. Moving on, before I lose my concentration: Porcelain Stars. Ooh look, more miniscule navigation. I’m beginning to think I’m missing out on something important by not using this kind of crap y’know.

This clique is just ment to

..join people who cannot spell in a supposed elite clique to inflate their ego and give validation for their crappy Britney Spears blends? Or is that not what you meant?

This clique was started in January of 2001 because I was tired of all those elite cliques that were impossible to get accepted into.

Someone should take a hint…

4. Then there’s Les Anges ..with Mystery Meat Navigation: my favourite! Another bloody inline frame (which scrolls horizontally on the “site” page) and incorrect use of id attributes. No quotation marks around a few things in the HTML, and superfluous JavaScript (could be replaced with decent navigation). Not major offenders, but surely “elite” cliques should tidy these things up?

5. The Grave Elegance shows us that you must have tiny text to be successful, alongside links that are underlined but the same colour and therefore just look like emphasised text.

aesthetically pleasing to the eye

Well, they’re not going to be aesthetically pleasing to my arm or my stomach, are they?

..need I say much more? Here’s some free advice to Elite club owners:

  • Don’t try and create an elite clique if you cannot design for shit.
  • Don’t preach to members about their spelling if you cannot spell or construct grammatically correct sentences.
  • Check your coding through a validator, or at least get it reviewed/rated before releasing it to the general public.
  • Don’t use mystery meat navigation (x/+/1 2 3 bollocks) and don’t assume everyone will be able to use that pixel font image map.
  • Don’t listen to any of the above advice, because there’s only one tip you should really follow: don’t create an elite clique.
Jem Turner jem@jemjabella.co.uk +44(0)7521056376

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