I don’t know if any of you have ever watched one of those dodgy diet shows… wannabe doctor-cum-nutritionist types who stand there shouting at fatties about how if they don’t stop eating crap they’re going to die tomorrow, all the while probably fantasising about sinking their teeth into the big cream buns and greasy, lovely… read full entry »

Hi everyone! Remember me? My name is Jem, I refer to myself as a the ‘php ninja’? Look, I’m not dead yet! Firstly, thank you to everyone who left comments, emails etc enquiring as to my whereabouts/asking me whether or not I was dead or not (so that you can throw a party, right?) I… read full entry »

No, indeed, although feeling not far off. I have some sort of tummy bug and thus, have spent most of the week singing in to my toilet. The doctor has given me useless sympathy and tablets, although I can’t say as they’re working. I’m finding it hard to sit at a computer screen for significant… read full entry »

I nearly chopped off one of my fingers while cutting onion tonight. :X

I managed to rip my favourite pair of trousers on the back of my bicycle pedal (lol, I wrote peddle) a couple of weeks ago, so much so that they only thing they’ll be good for now is turning into scruffy lounge-about-the-house shorts. I went to buy a new pair yesterday, but the closest match… read full entry »

I think I had a panic attack on the way home from work today. I’ve never felt anything like it in my entire life. I couldn’t breathe, and the harder I tried the worse it became. I had an overwhelming urge to cry but nothing came out. It was as if I was going to… read full entry »

…is my health. My health, damnit! I’ve been holed up in bed pretty much non-stop since Saturday because somebody infected me with a bloody cold. What is it with the stream of shit I’ve been hit with this past week or so? Food poisoning (or stomach bug, whatever), then my period [shudder] and now this…. read full entry »

Guess which lucky person has managed to give themselves food poisoning? I don’t know how, because I’m so ridiculously anal about raw meats and things, but last night I was mightily sick. I’d been sat on the sofa all evening since tea (dinner) — which contained the deadly chicken thigh — playing Zelda. Not a… read full entry »

As a kid I always loved McDonald’s. Didn’t get the opportunity to go very often because Mum generally refused to let us eat “that shit” but when I was invited to a birthday party there, or something like that.. you bet I’d scoff that food down. As a student, due to the locality of the… read full entry »

Things have been a little slow lately because I had last week off work. Actually, that’s a lame excuse, you’d think that’d make me blog more… Anyway, apart from being told I’m short-sighted last week we also had an incident with the car (Karl explains it better), I had a ‘successful’ doctors appointment in which… read full entry »