I’ve started writing a post to sum up hitting 40 and a recap on my progress on all the things I wanted to achieve before I hit 40 about 6 times since the start of January and each time I get about one paragraph in and the inspiration just fizzles out.

I think it’s partly because I didn’t get anywhere near as far through my forty before 40 list as I thought I would and partly because the whole thing just seems a bit anticlimactic; not quite the pivotal life changing moment ’40’ is marketed as. So far all 40 has given me is three grey pubes and an ankle sprain… although the greys could have been there a while for all I know (I’ve not spent much time down there lately).

39 had all the makings of a great year to start with. I’d not long taken on a new developer which was going to free me up day to day to build the business, I’d got events and races and festivals and a marathon and all sorts of fun stuff in the calendar (lots of stuff to help complete the 40 list), the company had won a bunch of new clients and contracts: it was going to be epic personally and professionally!

And then I got threatened by a client, which knocked my confidence for six.

And then my new hire turned out to be a disastrous match for the company.

And then in the chaos of managing them moving on unexpectedly we lost work, and clients, and a fuck ton of money.

And then my daughter decided she didn’t want to see her dad any more so suddenly I was parenting 24/7 instead of having a break a couple of nights a week.

If you’re a parent who doesn’t share custody you’re probably rolling your eyes at the last one, but as a routine-driven autistic mum parenting a routine driven almost-certainly-autistic-still-waiting-for-diagnosis teenager, it was a bit of a shitshow for both of us. I support my daughter’s choice 100% and deep down am grateful that after years and years of pushback and shit and guilt trips for leaving her dad she chose me (so I can’t be as bad a mum as she makes out sometimes) but holy hell there was a long adjustment.

And of course parenting an almost-certainly-autistic teenager 24/7 meant that all those events and races and festivals? Yeah, not gonna happen. The items on my list slowly fell by the wayside. The gym attendance dropped off. The goals took a back seat.

So having expected 39 to be a whirlwind of adventures culminating in a holy orgasmic life changing BANG of a birthday, instead I got a year of work fuck ups, an intense increase in parenting responsibility, an injury that kept me out of running (not the ankle sprain, that’s new) and a resurgence in my drinking to cope with it all (healthy 🫣).

The birthday was alright though; banging party.

That’s it. The milestone I was dreading has come and gone. We have a lot of ‘seven’ left to go, but that initial mountain has been climbed and conquered. Not made any easier by the organisation of the birthday party, because some bright spark thought that’d be a great idea. For some reason, when I… read full entry »

Yesterday was Gaz‘s birthday and in true birthday tradition (AKA any excuse for cake) I decided to bake, with the “help” of the kids. Normally for this sort of occasion I would find a recipe weeks in advance and fail attempt to make something spectacular. However, with work and kids to contend with, time was… read full entry »

Oliver turned 1 last week, and Karl and I took a week off work each to celebrate. We didn’t do much, just spending time together, in the garden, that sort of thing. Had a birthday BBQ with family this weekend to celebrate and managed to spend half the day on the loo and the other… read full entry »

I’ve been struggling to think of something to buy for Oliver’s birthday present. What do you buy for the boy who already has it all (by way of a sister with a large quantity of toys, books etc). I’ve asked relatives who enquired to buy him clothes (in size age 2-3, ha!) but have been… read full entry »

Karl bought me a steam mop for my birthday. I like to lead with that line because for some reason it shocks people. “He bought you WHAT?” But it’s ok, because he also bought me a Filofax, which is funny because I was looking at them myself before Christmas. Which means he’s either been flipping… read full entry »

With Isabel’s birthday approaching in the next few months I’ve been window-shopping for ideas for something cool, something that is going to ‘top’ Boris (last year’s gift). Looking at Tesco’s range of Lego sets it occurred to me that Lego & spin off brands are a brilliant exception to my no-plastic ‘toy snob‘ rules. Lego… read full entry »

It’s amazing the good a decent night’s kip can do. Feeling much better this morning, much less emo. I’m flying through work stuff and none of the home stuff is worth making myself ill over, so I just need to take it steady and get through it one bit at a time. On an unrelated… read full entry »

Just wanted to thank everyone who e-mailed, texted, tweeted and facebooked me birthday messages, as well as those who left messages on Snark with cute cake piccies in. My mum bought me a giant french fancy cake with over 3600 calories in, and Karl bought me a lovely bunch of flowers. Lovely jubbly!