Except by weaning, I mean weaned. But if I write weaned all official like that in my title it’ll mean it’s true, and I don’t think I can handle that at the moment :(
Truth be told she’s not had a feed that involved actual milk transfer in well over a month (early October). She’s nursed a few times since then but usually for a few seconds, before announcing “finished” and toddling off… not long enough to stimulate let down, never mind actual milk flow. Thus, my boobies have all dried up.
I wish that I could say it was because I’m pregnant, at least then the guilt I’m feeling would be rational. Instead I feel like I’ve let her down but can’t put my finger on why.
You’re all probably thinking I’ve lost my marbles about now. She’s 2, she’s not a “baby”. I guess my problem lies with the research that tells us babies typically self-wean around the age of 4, and if my baby hasn’t lasted that long, then what did I do wrong?
It all started ‘going wrong’ when she began sleeping through the night around 6 months ago. I’d wanted her to sleep for so long, and when she did (no influence from us) … well, I had no idea that it would be the beginning of the end of our nursing relationship. From there she was down to 2 feeds a day (after nursery, and before bed). She replaced the first with a yoghurt — her choice; tantrums if we had none in — and the last with cuddles.
I did everything as I “should”. She never had bottles or a dummy. She
slept sleeps in our bed. We didn’t night wean or sleep train. She had on demand access to the boob when she wanted it. I didn’t restrict her feeds to certain hours or enforce rules about “only at home” (not bothered about feeding a toddler in public). I guess I went back to work. But I only work 4 days, so why didn’t she compensate over the other 3?
I don’t have answers, and I don’t understand why I’m so bothered about something so totally out of my control. Maybe it’s the hormones. Maybe it’s normal to feel this way when something so special comes to an end.