I Loathe JavaScript

 |  Work

Given that my current course module thingy is on JavaScript, I expected to unearth a love for JavaScript that I didn’t know I had. I wanted to use the time to explore the quirks of the language, and its uses beyond the basics which I’ve picked up working in web dev.

Quite by coincidence, a client wants a JavaScript fisheye effect menu for a website due to go live next month, but given a limited amount of space it also needs to “carousel” left and right. I’ve found fisheye menus, and I’ve found carousels. I’ve positively spammed my del.icio.us account with JavaScript reference material and examples. However, I have not found a fisheye carousel menu.

After several hours of mashing my keyboard trying to combine two public scripts, and several hours of overtime pulling my hair out, I enlisted the help of JavaScript guru whizzmaster Mat. You may remember him as the guy who Ajaxified BellaBiblio v2. He has been fan-fucking-tastic and I think we’re actually starting to get somewhere… but if this is what JavaScript is about, it can kiss my ass!

Jem Turner jem@jemjabella.co.uk +44(0)7521056376

22 comments so far

  1. Arwen said:

    All I know about javascript is sometimes I use other people’s premade scripts. If that’s what learning it is like, then no thank you ma’am.

  2. Mat said:

    Don’t be hatin on JS :(
    On a side note i worked on the menu a bit this morning on the train. Tonight i’m free for quite a bit as the client is testing all the shit i did last night. Hopefully we can stomp this out, once and for all.

    Embrace the jQuery :D

    Hang in there.

  3. Lil said:

    Louise is right, Flash would be so much easier for this sort of thing. Except Javascript can degrade to basic HTML so it’s a million times more accessible. I probably would still cop out and use Flash :) Have fun making what is essentially a Mac menu.

  4. Jem said:

    Flash is shittier than JavaScript — don’t even get me started.

    “Have fun making what is essentially a Mac menu.” .. where do you think the client got his inspiration? I think they (clients) should all be restricted to Windows – I ain’t never had a client request a feature from Windows!

  5. Grant said:

    I ain’t never had a client request a feature from Windows can you blame them? Windows has never had a reputation for appealing aesthetics, although vista does look nice.

    Mac has always prided itself in presentation as well as performance.

  6. Vera said:

    You know… I used to hate it as well, however ever since I was hired I had to use it so darn much and have learned such a great deal that it’s since one of those really useful tools.

    Of course I still prefer the code behind (C# in my case) because some stuff is so much easier done.

    Still I’ll definitely look into seeing how I can create a fish eye menu. Though I personally don’t think you need a course for it :P just by googling it I found 3 tutorials on the first page. It looks neat and I see it as a challenge.

  7. Jem said:

    The course is a module that leads to the overall qualification – I didn’t specifically take a course on JavaScript (nor would I, given a choice). Likewise, the course is nothing to do with a fisheye menu, but I’ll give you a cookie for at least skimming the entry :P

  8. Claire said:

    Hope the course is going well, I haven’t worked with JavaScript since finishing that particular module and my brain has duly fuzzied anything I might have learnt, so it’s still all Greek to me :P

    You must be approaching the ECA about now, right? (Or have I got my dates in a twist? Used to be May and Oct start dates back when I did it…)

  9. michael wong said:

    i first started out hating javascript, but in hindsight it was because all the books and sources i used to learn the damn thing were pathetic. still you gotta admit, no compiling or interpreting, just code and run is damn sexy, well not in a sexy type of sexy way but in a geeky type of sexy way. ok i’ll stop.

  10. Phil said:

    Client: “Get me a scrolling, Mac dock like menu”

    Easy answer:

    You: “No”

    Seriously though, did anyone actually ask the client why they wanted this? While I appreciate that Apple do it very nicely in my dock, I looked at iFishEye that you had bookmarked and the result started to make me feel sick with all the movement. Watch out, next they’ll want coverflow!

  11. Vera said:

    ^ our approach these days: the client REALLY want that. They wanted something like this… of course when I stubbornly insisted they let me make a picture of a wand for a “wizard” page, the client was overjoyed.

    So managing to make pretty effects can sometimes be beneficial as well.

  12. Christine said:

    I’ve been toying around w/ java lately and I feel completely lost =/ If you’re this confused, then I am utterly hopeless.

    Doing web design for other people w/ little understanding is so hard.. they think everything is so easy! i admire you’re resolve dear.