I was going to answer my AMA questions in the order they were asked, but having not long come out of a pretty rough few days or so I figured now would be the perfect time to answer Kelly’s question:
What gets you out of a funk?
The reality with PMDD, which is the root cause of my ‘funk’ symptoms, is that there’s not really any way to stop it. Which means that if I’m having a bad cycle, the only thing I can do is wait it out. With that said, there are several ways I can distract myself from it, which often reduces the severity of the symptoms at least temporarily:
Socialising
Being around people makes a big difference to my ‘funk’ symptoms. I think this is partly because I like to socialise, and enjoy being around other people’s energy, and partly because if I’m in the company of someone who seems to be actively enjoying my conversation and my presence, it tempers the anxiety. I find it easier to convince myself that I’m not a worthless piece of crap because surely nobody would want to be around a worthless piece of crap?
Of course there are times when my mood is so deeply low that getting off my arse and actually going to see someone, or making the effort to socialise is a moutain to conquer in itself. It can be hard to take that step when you’re already ‘in the depths’, so to speak.
Alcohol
Ahh, alcohol. My friend and my nemesis.
One or two glasses of wine can mean the worst of the anxiety completely disappears even if I don’t feel particularly tipsy. However, it will come as no surprise that using a known depressant to ease depressive feelings is a Bad Idea. One or two glasses of wine can become one or two bottles without a second thought and before I know it I’m sobbing over the nearest person who’ll listen and feeling like a massive twat.
I know I have a weakness when it comes to alcohol and so I try and avoid ‘using’ it as anything but a ‘social lubricant’. (Try and achieve are two different things, mind you.)
Running
There’s nothing like a really long run to help you mash out and mull over a shit ton of unwanted thoughts and feelings, and process everything so as to come to a reasonable and rational conclusion.
Unfortunately, I haven’t done anywhere near as much of this as I should have lately and it shows: both in my mental health and my waistline!
Counselling
If the shit really hits the fan, I go and see my counsellor. Talking therapy is the dog’s bollocks and I would heartily recommend it to anyone who is struggling. Find someone you can trust, and get it all out.
Although nowadays my counselling sessions are few and far between, I find it reassuring just knowing that I have that fallback if I need it.
Sex
There is no doubt about it, sex is my #1 ‘fixer’ when it comes to my low moods but it’s a complicated and dangerous path to tread… using intimacy and closeness to boost me up when I’m feeling so fragile can end in tears, and has on several occasions. It might take one ‘wrong move’ or one misinterpreted signal and I can be crushed in an instant.
Even when it goes right (wink wink nudge nudge) it’s not a perfect answer: it can exacerbate the problems I have with my libido during certain parts of my cycle which puts in a vicious circle of needing it more.
Of course the worst part about it is that it feels incredibly selfish to expect Gaz to ‘help’ in this way. It can’t be easy finding someone who is literally rapid-cycling through a million unwanted emotions even remotely sexually attractive, let alone to know exactly the right thing to say and do lest you destroy what little self-esteem they have at that precise moment.
I’m working on my expectations and ‘demands’ in this area.
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So there we go: my funk-fighting techniques. If you want to ask me a question, pop it in the comments over here.
18 Dec at 12:47 am
I struggle the same way as you with anxiety — where I feel like nobody likes me and I need reassurance. I don’t always have the luxury of time to socialize, nor do I have enough friends in the area to do that, so I normally rely on the ever-awesome instant gratification of text messaging. Normally I text a group of my good friends and get a conversation going, and it distracts me enough to feel better. I have started to slightly lean on my new man friend a bit more, texting him when I feel insecure and like I need affirmation that I am desirable etc. Luckily he is more than happy to make me feel special, important, and unique, but I am wary about heading down this path of, once again, balancing my self worth on what other people think of me. The last time I held one person’s opinion of me as the end-all, be-all expression of my value, I landed myself in a deep, dark depression that resulted in hospitalization. I think the fact I know this about myself, however, has helped. So when I do reach out for that little boost, I recognize it for what it is, which is a moment of insecurity and that I need to bolster myself… but a boost from someone else who cares about me never hurts. I try to get that more from my friends and family, though, than a romantic interest or partner, because if I know one thing, it’s that things on the romantic front can change on the dime for me, and I don’t want to be blindsided again. I know that I can’t be guarded forever, but I can still be careful and take things slow.
Of course, I say this now, but goodness knows my life never follows my intended plans, so with my luck I’ll be married in six months and wonder how the fuck I got there. *shrug* C’est la vie, yeah? I’m just here for the ride.
21 Dec at 4:06 pm
I feel like I’m the odd position that other people’s opinions don’t matter to me much – and that’s always been the case – except in intimate relationships where I go out of my way to people please. I did it to the ex, to the point of blindness to his flaws, and I do it to Gaz until I feel disappointed that my ‘efforts’ aren’t reciprocated to the same level (even though I know deep down my expectations are heavily flawed) and that can send me into a depressive/needy spiral.
I’m not sure how to fix it :S