I don’t think it’s possible to have a perfect year. 12 months / 52 weeks / 365 days: all too big a time-span to guarantee 100% wellness and positivity every hour of every day. Nonetheless? 2018 has been “my” year. I’ve not avoided conflict and… read full entry →

(I originally posted this on reddit, but want it recording here as part of my journey.) I had a drink on Saturday night. I made the active choice to have a drink, rather than caving to cravings or anything like that; it was one of… read full entry →

As I rapidly approach my 5th month sober I can’t help but reflect on the state of dry (sober) drinking in the UK. I have a bit of a reputation amongst friends & it goes a little something like this… if I happened to find… read full entry →

For the uninitiated and new readers amongst you, PMDD is an extreme version of PMS/PMT. It can cause cyclical feelings of anxiety, depression, anger and even suicidal thoughts, as well as the physical symptoms typically associated with the menstrual cycle. It’s been over a year… read full entry →

Gaz asked me one Saturday a few weeks back — as I ordered a vodka cocktail — whether or not I’d given up on the ‘not drinking’ thing. A fair question, given the ‘ordering a cocktail’ thing. Sobriety was going really, really well. I had… read full entry →

Content warning: suicide, mental health, addiction On Wednesday I sat down and mentally compiled a tribute to my brother, whilst assembling an IKEA table. There’s something strangely therapeutic about putting flat-pack furniture together (at least when I’m doing it by myself). My brother, Robert ‘Bobby’… read full entry →

I have spent a large part of the past few weeks jumping from one ‘chaos moment’ to another (as per usual) and I was sat on the toilet recently wondering… is this it? Is this what adulting is about? Just about hanging on while you… read full entry →

It’s now been about 5 weeks since I decided to stop drinking for good. I am sleeping better. Aside from a couple of weeks of intense drinking-frenzy dreams where I got completely smashed off my face (in the dream, that is) I have slept solidly… read full entry →

Yesterday lunch time I went out with Gaz’s team from work for an unexpected light lunch. It’s the kind of situation where I’d usually indulge in a “cheeky” glass of wine or a cocktail (or two) because a) unexpected social interaction mid-PMDD-monster-times and b) who… read full entry →

Off the back of my post about plans for 2017, and following a conversation with my darling husband last night during which I got defensive more than once (even though he spoke the truth) I woke up with fire in my belly. Taking advantage before… read full entry →

I was going to answer my AMA questions in the order they were asked, but having not long come out of a pretty rough few days or so I figured now would be the perfect time to answer Kelly’s question: What gets you out of… read full entry →

I had a massive panic attack on Saturday night. Partly fueled by a few too many vodkas, and partly by confronting a ‘demon’ that I’ve never been able to tackle before, culminating in an explosion of anger and frustration and ending up with me unable… read full entry →