It is now approximately 2.5 months since Gaz and I mutually agreed our relationship was no longer viable as it was, and just over a month since he moved out.

I found the first few days after he left sweet AF. Could have crowned me the Queen of Smugdom as I woke up easy breezy, did the chores, walked the dog, sorted the kids, fed the horde, knocked out a full day’s work, walked the dog again, fed the horde again, walked the dog again (it’d be a lot easier if my dog wasn’t scared of peeing in the back garden), did some more chores, and fell into bed having completed All The Things. I bought brown bread and orange juice with bits and was living the high life. Yes, brown bread and OJ with bits is the pinnacle of living in my little world.

And then kids wanted friends over, or had additional commitments which occupied brain space I didn’t have, long training runs pre-Manchester marathon sucked up energy I couldn’t spare, money worries filled my waking thoughts (and some of my sleeping ones), the dog developed a random limp (he’s fine), things went wrong at work, I got a cold, and my little perfect world crumbled. I did some tears, snot and all, and realised that I was very much focused so intently on keeping Everything In Order at home and at work, that I was abandoning myself and my needs… and this never ends well. For anyone, tbh.

I’d like to say this is the part where I flipped a magic switch and suddenly was able to balance everything super perfectly and I’m all smug and happy again but life doesn’t quite work like that. I did decide to prioritise getting back into a gym routine because that is crucial to my mental health, and as of today I’m on my third consecutive scheduled workout. I decided to stop being quite so frugal and we had fish and chips on a night I was exhausted last week. I decided that some nights I just can’t be arsed to do the dishwasher before bed and that’s ok. I took a random day off work and the odd hour here or there and nobody died (although some clients like to make you think they might).

I need to work on balance, and that’s quite hard as an “all or nothing” person, but… I’m finding my feet.

I recently found out about ‘Now’ pages via Mastodon (@jemjabella@mastodon.social and @jemjabella@wptoots.social in case you’re wondering) and found the concept intriguing – especially someone who not long ago 3 months ago lamented my failure to update regularly. The gist of the idea is that you have a page which gives visitors an update into your… read full entry »

I know it’s customary to write up ‘year in review’ style posts at the end of the actual year in question, but I think I’m only just getting over 2020 enough to write about it. How do you put into perspective a year that has simultaneously seen the lows of a loss of a parent,… read full entry »

It doesn’t feel right to title the next post in this ‘series’ as Tales from Lockdown, but it doesn’t exactly feel like normality is restored, so Tales from Limbo it is. In the last post from waaaay back in May (er, how did we get to October?) I was a little bit worried that more… read full entry »

As I head into week 5 of my personal covid-19 lockdown experience, I am increasingly finding the days are blurring together. My mental health is up and down, although my hormones are partly to blame this week. Since my last post on lockdown, the kids have moved into official Easter Holidays territory. Normally this would… read full entry »

Due to the ongoing coronavirus / COVID19 crisis, we’ve now been isolating (“social distancing” on crack) for two weeks. Slightly longer than Joe Public because my ex is high risk and we wanted to reduce the risk of the kids passing anything on. After the initial week where negative thoughts and an absence of a)… read full entry »

Each year I try to make small improvements to my life, my work, my fitness, my well-being etc. Small incremental improvements are much easier to maintain in the long term than large overhauls (although I’m no stranger to those either!) 2019 has been mostly about making grown up decisions to improve my financial standing &… read full entry »

(Update 2019-08-07: this article is now available in Brazilian Portuguese: 10 dicas para um site WordPress mais rápido) — Website speed is a huge factor in your search engine (specifically Google) ranking: As part of that effort, today we’re including a new signal in our search ranking algorithms: site speed. Site speed reflects how quickly… read full entry »

I’m less than 4 weeks out from Edinburgh and I’m currently sitting here having a bit of a mini breakdown. I knew that training for a marathon — and doing so while working, keeping on top of my strength goals, raising kids, volunteering etc — would be hard. I knew it would take up lots… read full entry »

I don’t think it’s possible to have a perfect year. 12 months / 52 weeks / 365 days: all too big a time-span to guarantee 100% wellness and positivity every hour of every day. Nonetheless? 2018 has been “my” year. I’ve not avoided conflict and drama. People close to me have still suffered pain, been… read full entry »