Is this it?

I have spent a large part of the past few weeks jumping from one ‘chaos moment’ to another (as per usual) and I was sat on the toilet recently wondering… is this it? Is this what adulting is about? Just about hanging on while you ride the waves of life?

I’m being melodramatic — I’m not having a mid life crisis — but after a few weeks of intense hard work (covering for a friend/dev at a local agency as well as doing my own stuff) AND housework AND kids AND pets AND volunteering AND all the other day to day thankless bullshit which we seem to have to do as grown ups, I can’t help but feel if I’m missing out on some greater truth: there’s something I forgot to do that makes all this fulfilling and worthwhile?

Tomorrow marks 3 months since I decided to stop drinking. I’ve had a bit of a wobble this month with some INTENSE pre-menstrual cravings for wine, which I seem to be missing quite a lot all of a sudden. I did resist, although had a shandy over the weekend. Gaz says it counts as alcohol and I know he’s technically right, but the ABV is barely above what can be legally classed as alcohol free and it certainly didn’t make me drunk so I’m giving myself a free ride on it.

A few people have asked me if I plan on staying sober for life and I don’t know the answer to that question. Now the novelty of being newly-sober has worn off I can see occasions where a glass of wine or bubbles would be lovely, but am I ever going to be the sort of person that can just have one glass? Having the willpower to not drink is one thing, but having the willpower to say no once you’re under the influence is a different kettle of fish.

I’ve completely lost my gym mojo again, despite having lots of goals in mind and the support of awesome sexy gym-going people all over my instagram. I’m hoping to get back into it next week once the work commitments back off a little, so feel free to give me a kick up the arse or a hearty nag. I need to not undo all the effort I’ve been putting in this year with blatant laziness.

Running seems to be back on the agenda though, with a 5k Race for Life with the ladies from Source (aforementioned agency) that raised over £1000 for Cancer Research as well as a potential PB of 28 mins 17 seconds although my Garmin reckons the course was 400m short. Either way it was well under 30 minutes which is something I’ve struggled with for a while.

I’ve got another upcoming half (the Piece of Cake trail half marathon), the Leeds Abbey Dash 10k booked for November and the Edinburgh Half Marathon in the calendar for next year, so just need to keep up the momentum.

At least I’m not being completely lazy…

Is it time for another coffee yet?

I got muddy in London

I travelled down to London on Friday to meet up with some folks from the industry (SEO/web) and run a ‘pretty muddy’ Race for Life 5k at Finsbury Park the following morning with the gorgeous Lilian. Both were awesome events, although having consumed far too much wine on Friday night I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get up for the 5k, let alone run it in a decent time (yeah, I know, that’s not the point of these things) — we did it in ~34 minutes, though, which accounting for the obstacles was an awesome time.

I’ve managed to raise £185 for Cancer Research by taking part and it’d be super duper if I could get that up to £200. You guys have a little bit of time left if you want to sponsor me and help me reach my goal. As a reward for your help, here’s some pictures of me covered in mud:

pretty-muddy-5k-finsbury-park

mud-in-mouth-5k-finsbury-park

finish-line-5k-finsbury-park

Although it was a fantastic weekend, after another late night of (celebratory, obviously) drinking on Saturday and some rather worrying physical symptoms I realised that I’ve seriously let myself go this month and I’m suffering as a result. Looking back I’ve had Gaz moving in, going self-employed again, the holiday and all that entailed, post holiday boozy BBQ, the run up to the kid’s summer holidays, meet-ups and this 5k to deal with, and it all adds up to a shit ton of alcohol, far too much junk food and not enough veg which ultimately means I have a lingering cold which is causing me to cough up chunks of snot in a variety of pretty green shades, and me going distinctly soft around the middle again.

I suppose in a way the hardest part about losing weight and being fit and awesome is realising that it’s a continuous, consistent process. There’s no take-it-once magic potion to get you slim and gorgeous: if I want to maintain a reasonable level of health, looking after myself has to be a constant thing until … well, until I die. Sometimes I think it was easier just being fat.