Feel like I should blog to record some of the stuff that’s been going on lately but I’m struggling to formulate intelligent sentences. Fall back to list format!
- I came home on October 22nd to find Flymo dead and Rosie missing. I can only guess but I assume something managed to get into the garden. There was no visible marks on Flymo or signs of a scuffle but if he was shocked sufficiently it could have killed him.
- On November 4th I got home to find that Little Pig had escaped his run and is also missing.
- My foot is only just this week starting to feel any better, so I’ve now got a month to train for this half marathon I entered
- I finally got my passport renewed, so I might be able to complete #5. See my Dad soon too
- I took the train to Birmingham on Wednesday 5th to meet Dominic
- On Thursday 6th November I went to London to audition for Eggheads with Gaz and his brothers; we should find out this week if we get in
- I’ve made the decision to stop taking on further self-employment work as of next year. Despite the extra cash being a major help with the bills, the stress it’s causing me is insane.
- I went back to the doctors on Monday to talk about the fact that I’m still angry a lot; that it comes and goes but is still there. That when I’m not angry I’m sad, really really sad. He tried to offer me anti-depressants and CBT but I want to exhaust every other possibility first. I’m trialling a new birth control pill, I’m spending more time with my babies where possible, I’m cutting back on the things that make my mental health suffer.
- Gaz and I have been not-dating for 6 months as of this week ♥
Despite everything — the work, the stress, the foot injury, the mortgage, the monotony of the daily grind — I am still the happiest I have ever been and I need to hold on to that. Shit will improve, things will get better. One day at a time.
11 Nov at 8:50 pm
If you feel you’re in a position to manage your own mental health then I’d say go with it – it takes time and a lot of effort but the rewards are great. If it’s not working out too well I’d take them up on the CBT offer – it really can be very effective, see it as another life skill to learn. I’m not a fan of meds but they do have their place. Good luck Jem it’s great to see things going in the right direction :-)
11 Nov at 9:48 pm
I’m so sorry about your bunnies :( Do you suspect a fox??
As for the last post, I’m happily taking 10mg of Citalopram a day. It doesn’t make a HUGE difference but it makes the lows a little bit less low… Running also helps and so does lifting heavy schtuff… But you already know that :D
12 Nov at 3:10 pm
I think it was probably a big cat that lives a few hours over. Must have finally found a way into the garden.
I think NOT running because of my foot is a massive contributor to my mood right now :/
14 Nov at 9:17 am
A few hours over? That’s one dedicated pussy.
14 Nov at 9:20 am
Houses.
Fuck off.
11 Nov at 9:50 pm
PS. Can you design me a cool blog logo like yours – plain colours with a little icon. I’ll pay :) (and as I’m asking this I just remembered that you said – no extra work – but this is only little, right? :)
12 Nov at 3:09 pm
I wish – I’m not a designer by any stretch of the imagination. The lovely Lilian Tula designed it; I’m not sure if she’s taking on work at the minute but you can get in touch with her via http://liliantula.co.uk/
12 Nov at 1:43 am
I think I would have donated 100 pounds for you because I hate seeing people in bad situations. I have more than enough for so I try to help others especially. But then I thought about the way you made me feel when I was a young web designer. :-/
12 Nov at 3:12 pm
Sucks for you I guess. Most people got something out of what I say/said and didn’t take it personally. I hope you can make peace with your feelings or something, you know.. for your own sake. :)
13 Nov at 5:52 pm
I’m so sorry about your pets.
I personally found CBT really draining and not particularly effective in the long run – though having someone to talk through my thoughts was. I would still consider CBT without anti-d’s an option if self help doesn’t help. Perhaps just going to talk to a counsellor as support to your own self help may help? The book “beat depression and reclaim you life” by alexandra massey is also great for low moods (and just inspiring in general), if you haven’t heard of it. Anyway, I hope you feel better. Its great reading how you seem to meeting a lot of those goals you made : )
14 Nov at 9:24 am
Thanks Catherine. I saw a counsellor earlier in the year and so worse case scenario I’ll go back to him before I try medication (more out of stubbornness than anything against anti-depressants). The only thing stopping me now is the cost! :/
14 Nov at 5:58 am
Not-congrats on the not-dating! Where does your dad live now? Sounds like an adventure. :)