PHP Advice/Other Better Stuff


I’ve composed a new article, with five four top tips on PHP security that I’ve probably covered before but hope that by writing about again you’ll all take in and be PHP masters in no time: Five PHP Security Tips.

My niece stopped calling me Mariooo on Friday! This is an achievement, I thought it’d be a life-long nickname. I am now “Armpy Jem”… said in such a cute and adorable way that it doesn’t matter if people think she’s calling me “armpit Jem”. We celebrated her birthday in style too: with a jellyjamtartsausagehulahoopeggsarniebirthdaycake pie. In fact, she even went so far as to exclaim “delicious” it tasted so good!

I’ll finish this entry on a conversation I just had:

Karl: What are you writing? Something witty and insightful?
Jem: Hahahahahahahaha …. I’m writing for my blog.
Karl: So, mindless drivel then?
Jem: Ah, yes, but loved by all… er, except by those that hate me.
Karl: But they suck anyway.
Jem: You’re too kind.
Karl: No, I just know that the more I flatter you the greater chance I’ve got of getting sex tonight.

Typical man.

Jem Turner +44(0)7521056376

30 comments so far

  1. Matt said:
    On May 20, 2007 at 9:32 pm

    Aw your niece sounds so cute :D LOL at Karl.

  2. Annie said:
    On May 20, 2007 at 10:00 pm

    The security tips is useful, if only I could actually use PHP on my site, heh. Happy belated birthday to your niece. The pie sounds yummy, hehe.

  3. Amelie said:
    On May 20, 2007 at 10:01 pm

    He insulted your blog!11 Deny him teh s3x0rz for at least a week :O

  4. HannaPai said:
    On May 20, 2007 at 10:23 pm

    How sweet :). @Amelie Denying sex is pointless… cos sex is FUN. :P

  5. MarMARmar said:
    On May 20, 2007 at 10:25 pm

    haha guys make me laugh. I’m jealous, I want sex. Stupid boys.

  6. Aaron said:
    On May 20, 2007 at 10:52 pm

    Haha, how cute. While I may not like kids, when they act cute, they’re pretty hard to resist. That conversation made me chuckle.

  7. Amanda said:
    On May 20, 2007 at 11:11 pm

    Oh well, at least he knows what he wants and how to get it. :P BTW…insightful. :P

  8. Stephanie said:
    On May 20, 2007 at 11:38 pm

    Now I wonder how the new nickname came about. But at least this one sounds like it could be a female name.

  9. Sarah said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 12:34 am

    Kinky role play sex where you’re Mario and he’s Luigi? I should role play with my honey where I’m the evil Bill Gates and he’s nifty Steve Jobs, about to spank me into submission for my Microsofty ways!

  10. Hillarie said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 12:38 am

    Ha!!! at Karl. And, the security tips are wonderful (I knew all of these…I’m getting more intelligent by the day!) Your niece sounds adorable, as I believe I’ve said.

  11. Kelly said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 3:15 am

    I’m reading through the article now – brilliant, as always. With Karl’s little outburst… At least he’s honest. :) Honesty is, as they say, a virtue.

  12. Carly said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 4:48 am

    Hmmmm…I wonder if I google ‘pie sex and armpit’ your site wil be number 1?

  13. Arien said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 5:03 am

    XDDD A little bit of manipulation used over the opposite sex is ok when sex is involved and the manipulator happens to be a woman. Yay for kids! This year my daughter’s birthday will be done in safari because we’re taking her to the Zoo for the first time. Her cake… she’s asked for an ice cream cake bearing Spiderman. For some reason, he’s her hero. And she’ll be 4 this year, go figure. I’d thought it would be Daddy or Mommie would be her hero but… sniff sniff, guess not. Armpy Jem… hehe, my nephew calls me Aunt Germ. He couldn’t say Jayme growing up, which is my real name, and pronounced it germ and it stuck for me unfortunatly… But I like it… lol.

  14. Mat said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 5:36 am

    Karl knows best.

  15. Lucia said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 6:48 am

    Heh, love the number 5 tip.

  16. Amber said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 6:58 am

    You should have made him suffer. :P

  17. Chans said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 9:04 am

    Maybe she really meant to say ‘armpit jem’ and is trying to point something out to you.. or maybe I’m just over thinking it and doesn’t it mean anything at all ;) And the conversation just shows how much ‘power’ you have over Karl by denying him sex (or not). But I guess we all know that’s the weak point in men right ?!

  18. Rhys said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 11:41 am

    Hey, at least he’s honest and……able to perform. After 10 years of being “The nice guy”, I have learnt that most men lose on at least one of these.

  19. Vera said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 12:45 pm

    Don’t be harsh. You have minions *points at self*, which is more than lots of people on the Internet an say :D

  20. Sara said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 2:35 pm

    Aww*It’s so cute.. the names they find to give to us! My little brother calls me “Cá” despite the fact that my name is Sara. I guess it’s not as bad as Mariooo but still… Oh well, we’ll always have our beloved grannies to call us by our cousins’ names. And lovely it is :)

  21. Melissa said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 7:02 pm

    LOL. Yep, typical man. XD And haha, interesting cake (pie? tart?) you ate. Happy be-lated birthday to your niece! :D

  22. Sara said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 8:03 pm

    HA!!!! Carl is hilarious! You should play hard to get!

  23. Skye said:
    On May 21, 2007 at 9:04 pm

    @Carly: No, but if you google “pie sex armpit karl,” she’s number one. hehe :)

  24. Carrie said:
    On May 22, 2007 at 1:59 am

    New visitor. because I can and just discovered this ubberlyawesome site and just HAD to comment because this blog is rather entertaining at the end and now i will stop because im loosing air. and using too much ‘because’s’ o.o Your niece sounds so cute, haha. Armpy? Where’d she get that? ;P The convo is priceless.

  25. Ceraphyn said:
    On May 22, 2007 at 4:40 am

    For the longest time, my little brother called me “weewee” instead of “Lily”… it’s just great being called after someone’s private bits. :P

  26. Mike said:
    On May 22, 2007 at 5:01 am

    If he were really a typical man he wouldn’t have to flatter you because he’d have clearly established that your subservience to him, and all he’d have to do is yell “NOW BITCH” to make shit happen.

  27. Mike said:
    On May 22, 2007 at 5:02 am

    And men doesn’t have to grammar right good either.

  28. Brigitte said:
    On May 23, 2007 at 5:20 pm

    You’re very funny armpy jem!

  29. Elea said:
    On May 24, 2007 at 8:02 am

    At least he’s being honest? =p

  30. Wonkotsane said:
    On October 21, 2007 at 7:37 pm

    How times have changed. It wasn’t all that long ago that a cosy night in for Karl meant an evening in the company of his insane budgie and mother (I’ll leave you to guess whether that needs punctuation) and multiplayer Quake or Carmageddon. Actually, I quite miss those late night/early morning gaming sessions. How I managed to get from Wroxeter to Wenlock in one piece at 3am hallucinating Carmageddon so many times I do not know. Has Karl ever told you about the late night Traffic Cone hunting operations?