The Pants Awards archive

The Pants Awards were satirical (and snarky) 'awards' I gave to bloggers and webmasters between 2006-2011, typically because they gave out bad code advice that was dangerous to fellow webmasters. The vast majority of the recipients were not happy about receiving a Pants Award but most have since admitted that they needed it.

In hindsight, a 'carrot' rather than 'stick' approach probably would have worked better.

Pants: Inked By Erin

To help soothe the disappointment of my lost Pantsing opportunity, I went to rev.iew.me and did eenie meenie on the websites page. Lo, my cursor fell on Inked By Erin, which is quite a nice coincidence given our history. Fancy that.

Erin is currently sporting a layout with some chick I recognise from Alice in Wonderland which, incidentally, is quite a weird film. I have read the book, but not for a loooooooong time (since I was like, 7?) but vaguely remember it was quite large and featured a lot more on riddles and things than Tim Burton’s version. Anyway, what? This is a Pants Award Jem, not a movie review.

So what about Erin’s site is deserving of a Pants Award? It wasn’t the blatant misuse of a celebrity image (and I’m not even talking about copyright; what’s the relevance of the Hathaway girl? (Woot, I remembered her name!)) and nor was it the weird/slightly boring About page which leaves me wanting to slit my wrists in emo solidarity… no, it was (surprise surprise) the Tutorials.

When I saw Erin’s CSS tutorials, I thought maybe I’d been too harsh on her. Her Multiple Columns tutorial, while lacking any real depth, uses advanced CSS3 techniques which I would typically assume to be beyond teenyboppers. (Ouch.) Something struck me about the text though… this line in particular:

Multiple columns are a major face of laying out text – newspapers have used them for decades.

I just didn’t get how something can be a major face of something else. One Googleage later and I discover that actually, multiple columns are a major facet of laying out text. To be honest, the sentence is still fairly clumsy, but hey, at least it makes sense now.

Of course now we have a dilemma. Which is more worthy of a Pants Award, stealing code and copy from an article and distributing it on your site, or changing said copy because you don’t understand what the word “facet” means?

30 seconds later and we can easily see where some of those other CSS tutorials came from: the same CSS3 series from Design Shack. I don’t know how she gets away with it to be honest, especially when you compare the quality of writing between the two. This line from one of Erin’s WordPress tutorials says all that needs to be said there:

Get the coding form you previous layout & look at in in you code editor.

Sigh.

I was hoping to be able to chuck a review of a review in her for your viewing pleasure, but unfortunately she’s not actually reviewed any websites yet. No surprise, given that one of her requirements is:

You must link me on every page of your website until the review is completed. I want to see my link on your website before you submit the application. I will check on this and deny any applications that do not have my link up.

I didn’t even require a link back on a single page when I was reviewing, let alone across an entire website. What has the WPR world come to?!

Should I point out the hypocrisy of reviewing HTML/CSS validation when her own website doesn’t validate, and indeed contains newbie mistakes like nesting header tags inside a paragraph? Oops, just did.

So. Erin, for being so lame as to steal someone else’s work; for writing shitty pointless tutorials of your own; for being an ignorant numpty when it comes to infant feeding; and ultimately, for trolling me all those months ago … have a pants award!

16th Pants Award

(Yes, this is the same pants as last time. Yes, I’ve run out of pictures of pants. Send me some!)

Pants: i D A R R Y L’ [d0t] NET

I received an e-mail just after New Year, nominating today’s Pants Award recipient. I still haven’t decided what I’m actually going to do with the Pants series, so I was tempted to just delete the e-mail… and then I opened the website. i D A R R Y L’ [d0t] NET is… startling. I mean,… read full entry »

Pants: Digital Sugar Designs

When you tell the world that you have “7 years of experience in the field“, it helps if you show that so-called experience off. And no, blurring a few dodgy photographs so that the subject looks like they’re being melted under a 500W halogen lamp does not count as experience in the field. Only in… read full entry »

Pants: Ticking Timebomb

I was hoping that I could start this Pants Award with my very own review from Ticking Timebomb. It’s one of those tweeny review sites that pop-up from time to time, but ultimately disappear because the standard of reviewing is piss poor and nobody actually reads them [the reviews]. Unfortunately, she refused to review me… read full entry »

Pants: Killinginthename.com

Warning: Killinginthename is infected with a Trojan. Please ensure your virus software is up to date if you choose to visit that website. Note that the trojan seems to be referenced via JavaScript, therefore any NoScript Firefox extension users can safely browse the site. It’s been a while since I’ve done a review or proper… read full entry »

Pants: so-juicy.net

It is almost predictable that I’d give my next Pants Award to Lana of so-juicy.net. I’d already briefly touched upon the fact that she is redistributing my skinning code from tutorialtastic without permission (that means stealing, boys and girls) except with all the stuff going on at the moment I didn’t have time to follow… read full entry »

Pants: FARK OATH . COM

I almost feel like this entry should be extra special as it’s my 10th Pants Award, but as I’m too cold to surf I’m settling for mediocrity. FARK OATH . COM was mentioned to me because of Waks Ask & Answer. You know it by now, the terminally shite ask and answer script that I’m… read full entry »

Pants: candi-coded.com

It wasn’t the particularly crappy layout, the mismatched colour scheme or the tiny text that convinced me to give “c a n d i – c o d e d [ dot ] c o m” a Pants Award. It wasn’t even the teeny-bopper cliché spaces in the title. No, it was the ‘four reasons… read full entry »

Pants: contagious.nu

Note: contagious.nu has since changed ownership. The content of this post is in no way aimed at the new owner, Dan. The post will remain live purely to avoid a broken link. The biggest problem with acting like a wanker on the Internet is that there’s always a bigger wanker (me) out there prepared to… read full entry »

Pants: Funky-Chickens.com

It’s never occurred to me that people actually use Funky Chickens as a valid resource for learning HTML. In fact, even after it was nominated for one of my infamous reviews (on several occasions) it wasn’t until I saw it linked alongside tutorialtastic as a valid place to learn code that I thought .. “eh?… read full entry »

Pants: swimchick.net

In a way, I feel sorry for the owner of swimchick.net (“Jessica”). Of all the “crap site” nominations I receive, swimchick tops the list. It is also one of the most searched for terms by people looking through my reviews/previous pants awards. In fact, feedback on swimchick is so much in demand I feel I’m… read full entry »

Pants: OUTSPOKEN-kate.com

OUTSPOKEN-kate.com is a typical teenage personal website. Small text — barely different in colour from the background, mangled iframes given extreme heights to try and prevent extra scrollbars, indistinguishable links and the insane assumption that being able to scrape together a website gives you the right and/or ability to publish shitty tutorials. Before we even… read full entry »