How to Look Like a Total Twat
Step one: Go to your local friendly coding help request forum, e.g. CodeGrrl. Staffed voluntarily, out of enjoyment of the subject matter.
Step two: Only ever post requests for help
Step three: Leave abuse — because Googling "implementing a php captcha" is too damned strenuous.
Tada! Steps complete: you now look like a cunt.
Comments (29)
Leave a Comment
No HTML (it will be stripped); first time comments are moderated; comments left without a legitimate first name/nickname and e-mail will be deleted (no, your momma didn't call you "cheap quality wardrobes").
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 20:34, Sarah said:
What an ungrateful wench. It seems to be all about take, take, take with her. Maybe she ought to pay someone to write her a custom script to her requirements. If she doesn't want to pay up, she should shut up.
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 20:38, Aisling said:
*carefully copies down notes for next time she wants to look like a douchebag*
Thanks, Jem!
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 20:56, Lene said:
Nice tutorial, Jem
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 20:59, Vera said:
Is that girl for real? Is she seriously demanding that people JUMP and fix her script, which she acquired free of charge?! Someone should suggest that she tried coding her own. See how well she manages to implement antispam.
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 21:00, Vixx said:
Great use of the word cunt, my dear, and perfectly fitting.
V xx
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 21:06, Jenny said:
Your post pwns.
And Vixx's post, ftw, also.
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 21:08, Amelie said:
*Nodnodnod*
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 21:13, Hannah said:
LOL I posted and was all nice and said "well why aren't you using a captcha?" and she demands instructions to be handed to her on a silver platter. So much for being nice.
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 21:17, Heather said:
Slightly off-topic, but I've been trying unsuccessfully to place a captcha in my fanlistings' join forms ... I keep getting this ridiculous "headers already sent" error and I haven't been able to find the issue. The captcha part works, but it throws errors when the form is submitted - and from experience I already know that users freak out when there's an error message displayed, even if there's a message below it that says "it's okay, it was submitted successfully".
Anyway, people that continually ask questions that are easily found on Google really irritate me. People that want someone to hold their hand every time they need to delve into code irritate me. I'm not sure they realize that there IS a function for that thing that sits atop their shoulders beyond acting like an idiot.
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 21:20, Brenda said:
Gee, some people ought to realize that no one owes them a living.
Being a coder myself, the whole process is strenuous and involves a lot of hard work, time and patience. (Especially patience.)
*Can no longer count on ten fingers how many times she's smacked her dearest laptop when her code refused to work*
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 21:34, Julie said:
I second that Vixx's post are awesome. "I'd do it but I'm otherwise preoccupied taking my head out of my ass". ROFL
"All these kids on this forum are crying for help, and no one is answering."
Yeah, right. You know, people like Vixx, Amelie or Jem are not giving help to anyone, ever. You all are real bitches and I hate you.
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 21:52, Grant said:
:( Jem the title is kinda misleading....
I wanted to learn to look like a total twat not a complete cunt!
;) haha
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 22:30, Cory said:
So true.
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 22:49, Gabrielle said:
Heather - You can't have any HTML (no header includes or any includes that send out even a shred of text/HTML) before you start your sessions or set any cookies or anything of that sort.
----
Haha. Cunt is a good word for her.
On Sun 11th May 2008 @ 23:43, Aimée said:
Best tutorial yet!
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 00:20, Louise said:
90% of the internet population are twats anyway!
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 00:36, Arwen said:
Oh Jem. Your witty posts never fail to amuse me endlessly.
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 00:41, Amanda said:
*takes head out of Vixx's butt*
What, what's going on here? *blinks*
*sticks head back in*
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 00:57, Jenny said:
I can't believe that girl actually had the guts to post something like that. A twat indeed, and an ungrateful one too.
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 01:33, Heather said:
@Gabrielle : Thanks for your reply
I looked up the problem and found out that's why that particular error is thrown, but I can't for the life of me figure out where this HTML/text is being outputted from - I put the captcha code before everything but a config file, which just has database details and such and no echo/print statements. I read that sometimes these particular errors can be caused by a single space or line break - so who knows where the issue is. I'll just have to mess around with it.
On topic: it appears that the drama in that particular thread has died down... hmm
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 02:10, Cel said:
Don't be silly. All those people have nothing better to do with their spare time than run around helping out other people, no matter how ungrateful. =P I kid, I kid...
I certainly have done my share of stupid questions, and answered stupid questions, but the people who expect to be catered to ought to be hiring private helper elves. Nobody puts up with that without a fat paycheck.
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 04:40, Jacky said:
Ugh, people are hopeless.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN HELP ME THIS INSTANT?! Why, I ought to never use this script, provided free of charge, ever again! But changing scripts would require me to do work, and I don't want that. Rather, I shall whine instead of attempting to fix it myself. Whinewhinewhine."
This is why the service industry drives me NUTS. *rolls eyes*
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 08:37, Vixx said:
My ass has become an interthewebs celebrity. Awesome!
V xx
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 09:22, echo said:
Hmmm... I'm wondering if I should respond to her most recent post. (The snide "A little late, aren't we?") But I can't post anything until I receive the approval of at least one "top member." To maintain the charade, one of said members has to proofread my opinion; otherwise I risk being politically incorrect, and I can't have that!
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 11:49, Chrissy said:
That's very twatty indeed.
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 12:13, Emmita said:
I knew you have to blog about that twat, haha. Sometimes I love drama and I'm now hooked on the cow/fat issue. I'm looking forward for her reply!
@ Gabrielle: You've been extremely kind with her.
On Mon 12th May 2008 @ 16:07, lemm said:
Yeah...that's pretty annoying.
I'm discovering the joys of internet trolls again lately...they take and take even when you're offering a 'free' service and doing something out of dedication - they still complain. o___O
On Tue 13th May 2008 @ 01:27, Bubs said:
What a bitch.
On Wed 14th May 2008 @ 20:30, Wally Wilson said:
Dag! For a moment I thought that someone else had _finally_ learned how to spell...
I think the "c-word" sums it up nicely. Thank goodness there are people like Jem who are actually certified to use it when necessary. :-) It certainly _is_ necessary in this instance!