In a way, I feel sorry for the owner of swimchick.net (“Jessica”). Of all the “crap site” nominations I receive, swimchick tops the list. It is also one of the most searched for terms by people looking through my reviews/previous pants awards. In fact, feedback on swimchick is so much in demand I feel I’m caving in to peer pressure just writing this.
Of course, any pity is generally overcome just by looking at Disclaimer in the side bar: “Everything you see here is rightfully Copyrighted to Jessica at swimchick.net unless otherwise stated.” — because of course, stealing celebrity photographs is all right as long as you credit the site that stole them originally, yeah?
I was originally going to review swimchick but according to the full disclaimer she doesn’t take advice unless she asked for it, so I don’t see the point wasting several hours writing an in-depth review only to have it ignored (oh, wait, isn’t that what usually happens..?) Talking of the full disclaimer, Jessica says: “My site is my site. I will do what I please with it and I do not need your permission for anything.” and thus by that logic: my site is my site, and I don’t need her permission to do anything with it (including mocking her in my blog) right?
Jessica is another one of these people that spends so much time talking about how her “CSS is crap” (don’t even get me started on the unnecessary written abuse of the poor styling syntax we know as CSS :( ) that she has neglected her content pages. Her side description tells us that she’s “17 years old. 18 on September 25th.” (is that Sept 25th 05, 06, 07…?) but her “More About [..]” page states that she’s 16. The page is, as well as inaccurate, very poorly worded. Take for instance “But it would keep you here forever and then you’d have absolutely no life” …now I’ve heard of being bored to death, but I always thought that was a figure of speech. I didn’t realise that one could lose your life just by reading. I am wondering if it’s commonplace in America to bring your teachers home too (“No one at home really calls me Jessica. Unless they’re trying to impress their teacher or something.”)
The obvious need for visitor attention and hits is demonstrated in multiple ways: an advertising link before the important introduction, and the fact that “visitor” and “tutorials” are linked higher in the menu than “me”. Don’t get me wrong, I maintain a healthy obsession with my own statistics and monitor them every second of every day (did I just say healthy?!) but if you own a personal website, it makes sense to keep it personal first and foremost. Cookie-cutter generic reads and badly cropped stolen celebrity photography are rampant in the visitor section (and they’re not even that great).
“Auto Favourite” is another broken link, “Bg Colour Change”/”Blocking IPs” seems to have some coding issues (apart from the two sets of
<body>, I mean). “Custom Bullets” is stolen from pixelfx and has been mangled making it even worse than the original (I didn’t think that was even possible). Not only does she fail to point out that list items need to be placed within an unordered/ordered list tag but she also fails to offer the more sensible solution of customising the actual list instead of the individual items. “How to Css” is another broken link, but that’s OK because I’m happy just laughing at the name of the tutorial (“How to cascading style sheet”?) The iframe tutorial is missing an equals sign between the name attribute and its value, and it contains superfluous styling. (Has anyone else notice that I make a habit of including the word ‘superfluous’ at least once in my reviews/pants posts?)
Got to love how she’s teaching people to break various laws by redistributing default Windows fonts…
Jessica: for offering stolen reads, tutorials and resources; creating tutorials based on other people’s code; chucking around the word “respect” like it’s something we owe you; being generally ignorant of the point of validating your code; and various other crimes to humanity, you win the 6th Pants Award.
Feel free to direct link :)
Please note: this is an old post. I have been blogging for a really long time: since my childhood, in fact. Bear in mind that any opinions stated may have changed, any code snippets may no longer be considered safe or secure, and my personal circumstances are almost certainly different to what's contained herein. You have been warned...