Please note: this is an old post. I have been blogging for a really long time: since my childhood, in fact. Bear in mind that any opinions stated may have changed, any code snippets may no longer be considered safe or secure, and my personal circumstances are almost certainly different to what's contained herein. You have been warned...
OUTSPOKEN-kate.com is a typical teenage personal website. Small text — barely different in colour from the background, mangled iframes given extreme heights to try and prevent extra scrollbars, indistinguishable links and the insane assumption that being able to scrape together a website gives you the right and/or ability to publish shitty tutorials.
Before we even get to them though, you must check out the sidebar. Under what I assume says “Visitor” (dodgy coloured tiny text image-based headers are a nightmare) there’s the following words of wisdom:
It is Kate’s site and yes, she is entitled to do and say as she pleases as a legal right of a paid domain.
HOLY SHIT! I did not realise that owning a domain gave me the legal right to do and say as I please. I think I’m going to use the fact that I own two domains as an excuse to chop the arms off the obviously blind teenage chav-mum who rammed my ankles with her fake Burberry™ pushchair/buggy while I was out shopping with my sister earlier. Serves her right, damnit.
Still on the sidebar:
Everything found here is copyright to Outspoken-kate.com and Kate (2006)
This on the same sidebar as credit for a picture of Hilary Duff to someone else. I don’t really see how everything can belong to this ‘Kate’ person if she didn’t make half of the crap she’s displaying. The legality of using celebrity photography is another matter altogether…
The site also features:
- Superfluous colouring on a 150Kb .png; CSS positioning and optimisation be damned.
- Fonts that belong to other people which are not supposed to be redistributed.
- Celebrity PSDs (oh, how original)
- Scrollbar codes. Perfect for invalidating your CSS.
- Generic, stolen reads — hoorah!
Don’t let the section header put you off, take a look at this fantastic code:
<img height=1 loop=infinite dynsrc="http:// YOUR MP3 ADDRESS HERE " width=1 autostart=true>. Why punish my poor elitist eyes? :( (If you have to ask what’s wrong with that, stop reading now.) There’s also the classic aligning tutorial, where I’ve been taught a new tag! For those of you who are obviously misguided like myself, don’t forget to use
after the align attribute in an image tag.. because all attributes come with closing tags, right?
Try not to be too in awe of the superior coding, there’s a tutorial for font n00bs too. Installing a font — because copy & paste is such a complex procedure. If that’s too hard for you, you could always check out “Offering PSD Downloads” which must be different to offering a normal link or download and that’s why it needs a tutorial all of its own.
I’m frustrating myself just browsing this website, so I’m going to finish this tirade off now. OUTSPOKEN-kate.com, you win the 5th Jemjabella.co.uk Pants Award:
Don’t forget to link back!
(My thanks to the donator of the pants I’ve been using in my awards so far, they’ve been invaluable! You know who you are.)